


The Happy Red Planet

by Literary_Eagle



Category: Neon Genesis Evangelion
Genre: Drama, Dramedy, Humor
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-11-16
Updated: 2015-03-17
Packaged: 2018-01-01 18:31:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 61,207
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1047191
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Literary_Eagle/pseuds/Literary_Eagle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Humans and Angels cannot coexist. One species must eliminate the other in order to inherit the world... or, you know, they could just find another planet. This is a tale of hope and friendship. It is also a story about a bunch of weird stuff happening on Mars.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Death & Rei-birth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story idea has been persistently lingering in my mind for several years, so I finally decided to write the darn thing. Heh. As always, feedback would be greatly appreciated! 
> 
> Legal disclaimer: Neon Genesis Evangelion is the property of Hideaki Anno and Gainax/Khara. However, this story is mine. Please don’t sue me, because I’m just writing this for fun. Besides, if you consider how much Evangelion merchandise I’ve bought, Gainax and Khara already have my money!

Rei Ayanami was not having a good day. 

To be fair, it had started out well enough.  First, she had listened to Commander Ikari’s orders.  Next, she had followed the aforementioned orders.  After that – and here was the most exciting part – she had waited for further orders!  In other words, it had been yet another perfect day as the third Rei.  But then events had quickly gone downhill… ironically, while she had been moving _uphill_.  Up the escalator, that is.  That was where she had met the newest Evangelion pilot, Kaworu Nagisa. 

The Fifth Child had greeted her with some sort of nonsense about the two of them being the same, and something about Seeds of Life ending up in the same form as the Lilin.  In the midst of Nagisa’s odd ramblings, Rei had felt a curious _nudging_ sensation deep inside her mind.  It hadn’t been painful, but it had been dizzying enough that she’d been forced to close her eyes for a moment.  When the vertigo had subsided and she’d opened her eyes again, the gray-haired boy had already disappeared. 

Since that encounter, she found herself repeatedly frustrated with the locks that had been placed inside her mind, the ones that prevented her from accessing the most precious memories and emotions of her predecessor, the second Rei.  This was a Very Bad Thing, because the Commander had ordered her not to question the necessity of those locks.  Why was she having such disloyal thoughts all of a sudden?  To make matters worse, she also felt as if something strange had awakened within her, and now her senses were expanding.  Colors looked brighter, music sounded prettier, and food tasted incredibly delicious.  This was an Extremely Bad Thing, because how was she supposed to follow the Commander’s orders when everything else was becoming so, well, _interesting_? 

This was all Nagisa’s fault, she was certain of it.  Exactly who was this mysterious boy, and why did he have the same red eyes as her?  Also, why was he being followed by a choir singing “Ode to Joy”?  Seriously, that was just weird. 

She knew that she should tell the Commander about all of this right away.  Surely he would know how to fix everything.  Then she could go back to following his orders as usual, and her senses would return to regular levels.  Colors would be dull again, music would just be insignificant background noise again, and food would taste like cardboard again… oh.  “I suppose it can wait until tomorrow,” she said to herself. 

She wanted to know what waffles tasted like. 

* * *

The next day, Rei returned to Nerv headquarters with the intention of telling the Commander what had happened.  Yes, that was her primary goal, and absolutely not the idea of going down to the cafeteria to have more of those glorious waffles.  Really.  But before she could do either, she spotted Nagisa sneaking down a corridor, and decided to spy on him instead.  She told herself it was for the purpose of collecting a greater amount of information that she could report to the Commander later.  It certainly wasn’t because she was reluctant to change back to normal. 

Right? 

As Rei tailed Nagisa from a safe distance, she noticed that he always kept his hands in his pockets, even while tiptoeing.  She also saw that his bizarre choir was still following him.  The singers were dressed in hooded gray robes that kept their faces completely hidden, same as yesterday.  They were tiptoeing just like Nagisa was, but this attempt at stealth was pretty much useless because they were singing “Ode to Joy” at the top of their lungs again. 

Eventually, this peculiar procession arrived at the cage where Evangelion Unit-02 was being kept.  “Come on, let’s go,” said Nagisa, gazing at the red Eva with a smile, “Come with me, Adam’s alter ego and servant of the Lilin.”

Nagisa then stepped off the umbilical bridge, so that he was standing on nothing but air.  In complete defiance of gravity, he began rising rather than falling.  Next, the choir also stepped out onto thin air, floating behind him and continuing to sing all the while.  That was when Unit-02’s eyes lit up, and the Eva began to move even though she did not have an entry plug. 

“Nagisa can operate an Evangelion from the outside?” Rei said to herself, watching him depart with the unmanned Unit-02.  Throughout the base, alarm sirens began to blare in response to this act of Grand Theft Eva.  “He must be the Seventeenth Angel.  What should I do?  The Commander has not given me any orders yet.”

 **_Forget about the Commander’s orders.  What is it that_ ** **you _wish to do, Ayanami?_**

That was Nagisa’s voice.  Rei looked around, but the Angel, his choir, and the stolen Eva had already vanished into the depths of the shaft leading to Terminal Dogma.  “Nagisa?” said Rei, “How is it that I can hear your voice inside my head?”

**_As I said before, you are the same as me.  This makes it possible for our minds to connect, as long as we are not too far away from each other._ **

“What do you mean by that?  Did you contaminate me?” Rei demanded.  She’d heard that the Sixteenth Angel had tried to fuse with her predecessor.  Was Nagisa doing that to her now?  “I have felt strange ever since our meeting yesterday.”

**_I would never contaminate you, Ayanami.  I simply revitalized your own power, which has been sleeping deep inside of you.  That is why your senses have blossomed since the time we met.  It is a sign that your psyche’s natural defenses are finally working to undo the many locks that have been forced into your mind._ **

“My own power?” she said.  Was there truly such a thing within her?  “But why would you wish to awaken it?”  Wouldn’t an Angel consider it counterproductive to let a member of Nerv have a greater arsenal? 

**_I am the Angel of Free Will.  How could I stand idly by while your mind is being held prisoner?_ **

Was he implying that the Commander was some kind of tyrant?  Such impudence!  “The Commander is not holding my mind prisoner!” Rei said indignantly, “He merely controls which thoughts and memories I am allowed to… oh.”

**_Precisely.  By the way, you might want to stop now.  You’re about to hit your head on the ceiling._ **

Rei let out a startled gasp as she realized that while she had been communicating with Nagisa, her feet had somehow left the ground, and she was indeed flying straight towards the ceiling.  _Go back down_ , she said internally, hoping that would work.  Unfortunately, it worked a little too well, because she began to plummet at breakneck speed, and then broke right through the floor.  Tumbling head-over-heels past the storey below, she then crashed through the next floor, and then the next, continuing to descend into the lower levels of headquarters.  Thankfully, she was not hurt, for every time she collided with something, her body emitted a force field that looked like a series of concentric orange octagons.  An A.T. Field. 

**_Ayanami!  Are you all right?_ **

“I believe so,” said Rei, noting with relief that she was beginning to decelerate, “Am I an Angel?  Is that what you meant when you said that we are the same?”

**_If you would like to see the full truth, meet me in Terminal Dogma._ **

The mention of Terminal Dogma reminded her that Nagisa was an invader.  “I will not do anything to assist you,” she warned.  Was all this an elaborate attempt to recruit her?  Maybe his choir was actually an Angelic army that he was putting together. 

**_This is not about helping me.  This is about Shinji Ikari.  You are the only one who can save him._ **

“The Commander’s son?  But why would you want me to help him?”

**_He is my friend.  I love him.  You care for him, too.  Don’t you remember?_ **

“No, I do not,” Rei replied.  Why did that make her heart feel heavy all of a sudden?  Her downward flight slowed to a halt and her feet touched the floor, almost as if her powers could not carry her with that added weight upon her spirit.  A quick inspection of her landing spot revealed that she was surrounded by kitschy feline statues, many of them sporting huge grins like the Cheshire Cat.  It looked as if she had fallen all the way to Wonderland, but it was far more likely that she was in one of Dr. Akagi’s storerooms.  That woman’s cat obsession was large enough to fill up nine lives and then some. 

**_Your memories have not returned?  This is worrisome.  I do not understand why the unlocking process has not completed yet._ **

“What should I do now?” said Rei.  Besides getting away from the gaudy cat sculptures, of course. 

 **_Nothing will ever change unless you act of your own free will.  I ask you again, Rei Ayanami, what is it that_ ** **you _wish to do?_**

Rei knew that she should return to the Commander at once.  She was supposed to be faithful to him.  She had to follow his orders.  It was the entire purpose of her existence. 

However, Nagisa had asked her what _she_ wished to do. 

It was the first time anyone had asked the third Rei what she wanted. 

“Very well, Nagisa,” she said, “I will meet you in Terminal Dogma.  Please show me the truth.”

**_Thank you, Ayanami.  Are you able to fly again?_ **

Rei attempted to concentrate on flying, but nothing happened.  Next she tried dropping a small cat statue onto her foot in the hopes that it would make her A.T. Field reappear, but that did not produce a desirable result either.  “It is not working.  Also, now my foot hurts.”

**_So your powers are still unstable, and your memories are not returning.  Those locks must have been stronger than I thought.  This is very bad._ **

“Perhaps it would be simpler if I took the express elevator to Terminal Dogma instead?”

**_Er… there’s an express elevator?_ **

“Well, yes.  How do you think non-Angelic persons get down there?”

**_Ah.  Yes, I suppose the elevator would suffice.  Please hurry, before-_ **

Nagisa’s voice cut off abruptly, and in her mind’s eye Rei briefly saw an image of Evangelion Unit-01 attacking with a Progressive Knife.  Was that what Nagisa was seeing right now?  Pilot Ikari must be fighting with him, interrupting his focus. 

Recognizing the urgency of the situation, Rei ignored the ache in her foot and sprinted into the hallway, dashing past the rest of Dr. Akagi’s storerooms.  There was the room full of cat plushies, the room of catgirl costumes, the room of naughty catgirl magazines… ah, there was the elevator! 

From there, it did not take long for Rei to reach Terminal Dogma.  She arrived just in time to witness the hijacked Eva Unit-02 seizing Ikari’s Unit-01 by the ankle, giving Nagisa the opportunity to open Heaven’s Door.  She quickly entered the LCL Plant and ran along a high path that would allow her the best view of the premises, before finally skidding to a halt and looking down.  Rei saw that Nagisa was now floating across the lake of LCL, with his choir hovering beside him.  His A.T. Field felt so strong that her own began to shine again in response, but it faded away an instant later, leaving her to wonder if the instability of her powers was due to hunger.  Perhaps she should have grabbed some waffles before embarking on this caper. 

“Adam, our mother,” said Nagisa, gazing at the crucified white giant that was the source of the LCL, “Must all who were born of Adam return to Adam?  Even at the cost of destroying humanity?  No!  This is… Lilith?  I see, so that's what this is about, Lilin.”  His tone sounded rather odd, as if he were reciting lines that he had memorized.  Nagisa looked up at Rei just then, seeming to expect a reaction from her. 

Rei stared blankly at him. 

“This is Lilith,” Nagisa repeated.  He spoke slowly and soothingly, like someone trying to coax a turtle out of its shell. 

Rei stared blankly at him. 

“This.  Is.  Lilith,” he said again. 

Rei stared blankly at him. 

Nagisa’s eyes widened.  “Ayanami, you do not feel a bond with her?”

“No,” said Rei, “Should I?”  What was he talking about?  Did it have something to do with that gibberish he’d said yesterday about Seeds of Life? 

Frowning with concentration, Nagisa began to appear slightly alarmed.  “Ayanami, I am trying to reconnect to your mind, but I cannot get through.  Are any of your powers functional at all?  Have you regained any of your memories yet?”

Searching deep within herself, Rei tried desperately to find something, anything.  But all she could feel was a gaping hollowness inside, completely empty save for a voice telling her to obey the Commander. 

Also, Nagisa’s choir singing “Ode to Joy” nonstop was making it difficult to concentrate. 

“Nothing is working,” said Rei, crestfallen.  Had her journey all the way down here been completely pointless?  Was she only good at being the Commander’s doll and not much else? 

“I see,” said Nagisa, sighing and bowing his head, “I have failed again.  I’m so sorry, Ayanami.”  He buried his face in his hands, which caused his next sentence to become muffled but Rei could still make out the words “I’m so sorry, Shinji…”

However, what really seized Rei’s attention was what she had glimpsed as Nagisa had taken his hands out of his pockets to raise them towards his face.  There were scars crisscrossing all over one of his wrists, and the fact that they were visible from where she was standing meant that they must be quite large and numerous.  “Nagisa?” she said, “What have you-”

The question went unfinished, for at that moment a battered Unit-02 came crashing through a large wall panel, landing in the shallow end of the LCL lake.  The Progressive Knife jammed into the red Eva’s cranium made it clear that she had lost the battle.  The owner of the Prog Knife, Unit-01, was the next to arrive through the improvised doorway, and her right arm darted forward and grabbed Nagisa with her massive hand. 

If the gray-haired boy felt any discomfort being in the Evangelion’s tight grip, he did not show it.  “Thank you, Shinji,” he said serenely, “I wanted you to stop Unit-02.  Otherwise, I may have gone on living with her.”  Then in a quieter but considerably less serene voice he muttered, “The time I was consumed by Unit-Beta was bad enough.”

As Rei continued to observe Nagisa and Unit-01 from her vantage point above them, her brow furrowed at the Angel’s last statement.  What in the world was Unit-Beta? 

She was not the only one who was puzzled.  “Beta who?” said Ikari’s voice from the purple Eva’s external speakers, “Kaworu, why are you doing this?  I thought we were friends!”

“Of course we are,” said Nagisa, giving Unit-01 a reassuring smile so that Ikari could see it.  But his expression grew solemn as he added, “However, our time together must draw to a close.  Angels and the Lilin cannot coexist.  If I continue to live, then you and the rest of humanity will be destroyed.  That is why I have to die here.”

“What?” said Ikari, his voice quivering, “Kaworu, no!  How can I kill my best friend?  E-especially… especially after you said that you love me?”

“My friend, that love is the very reason why I am not afraid to die.  Because I love you more than life itself,” Nagisa said.  Indeed, his face had relaxed into the perfect picture of calm acceptance.  “If I could end my own existence I would gladly do so, rather than burden you with the task.  But I am the vessel of a Seed of Life.  I cannot self-terminate.  You must lower me into the steel.”

 _Nagisa speaks the truth_ , Rei thought sadly, recognizing the significance of his wrist scars, _He tried to die by his own hand, but was unsuccessful_.  If an Evangelion was the one thing powerful enough to kill him, but Unit-00 had already been destroyed and the pilot of Unit-02 was currently in a coma, then Ikari was the sole person who could do it.  The fact that they were friends made this a truly lamentable fate.  But what was that about lowering Nagisa into steel?  They were in the LCL Plant, not a steel mill. 

Ikari must have been wondering the same thing, for Unit-01 glanced down at the LCL lake, then looked back up at Nagisa, head tilted to one side in evident confusion.  “Um… Kaworu, that’s LCL below us,” he said, “There is no steel here.”

“Oh.  Sorry, I’ve been spending too much time on TV Tropes,” Nagisa said sheepishly. 

There was an awkward silence.  Even the choir stopped singing for a few seconds. 

Nagisa cleared his throat.  “Now, erase me from this world,” he told Ikari, “If you don’t, you will be the ones who are erased.”

As Rei watched helplessly, she wrung her hands in frustration.  What was it that Nagisa had wanted her to do?  He’d said that she was the one who could save Ikari, but how?  _Please come back_ , she said inside her mind, trying to call for her memories and powers to return, _Please, oh please come back.  I do not want to be a doll anymore!_   But the prayer went unanswered. 

Nagisa looked up at her with a comforting smile, as if to say that he did not blame her for what was about to happen.  Turning his gaze back to Unit-01, he said, “Thank you, Shinji.  My life was meaningful because of you.”

Unit-01 became very still, as Ikari prepared to make the most difficult decision of his life. 

Rei’s vision grew blurry as her eyes filled with tears.  How had her world been turned upside down in such a short time?  She had thought that serving the Commander was the sole reason for existence, but then she had received a little taste of freedom, only to have it inexplicably slip away from her.  She had thought that Angels were monsters, but Nagisa was sacrificing himself so that Ikari would survive. 

Wait.  Sacrificing oneself for Ikari?  Why did that seem familiar? 

Her heart began to beat faster, and an unexpected warmth filled her chest.  With a sharp intake of breath, she wrapped her arms around herself in surprise.  What was this feeling? 

That was when she remembered. 

She remembered! 

As the second Rei, she had self-destructed her Eva during the battle with the Sixteenth Angel.  That was what Ikari had told her, but now she finally recalled exactly why she had done so.  It hadn’t been about following orders at all.  In fact, she had been _defying_ orders.  Instead of ejecting from Unit-00, she had chosen to sacrifice herself for Ikari, because she loved him.  Just like Nagisa was doing right now. 

That revelation about her previous death was the key to her true rebirth, and it singlehandedly undid every lock in her mind.  In the blink of an eye, all of her predecessor’s memories came flooding back, filling that terrible hollowness that had been inside her.  She even understood why those locks had been there.  The Commander had been afraid.  Yes, he had feared the implications of the second Rei’s disobedience, and had wanted to ensure that the third Rei would be completely loyal to the father and not the son. 

In those painful moments that Shinji Ikari’s heart was breaking, Rei Ayanami suddenly found herself whole again.  And she knew that if she did not stop him from killing his best friend this very instant, Ikari would probably die from grief and guilt just a few minutes later. 

Or he could become a deranged pervert who would touch himself inappropriately while standing beside Asuka Langley Soryu’s hospital bed.  It could go either way, really. 

“Ikari, wait!” she called out, flying down to land on Unit-01’s arm… at least, that had been her intent, but there was still something unsteady about her abilities, and so she wound up missing the Eva completely and landing in the LCL with a loud splash. 

“Ayanami?!” Ikari yelped in surprise, “Are you okay?  Um… and what are you doing here, anyway?”

Nagisa, still clutched in Unit-01’s hand, stared down at her with a baffled look on his face for a moment, before realization seemed to dawn on him.  “Ayanami, have you eaten waffles in the past 48 hours?” he asked, “That food temporarily causes an Angel’s powers to behave oddly!”

There was a pause from the choir, as several of the singers groaned and shook their heads in chagrin.  One of them grumbled, “Why the hell did I sign up for this?”

Rei gaped at Nagisa in disbelief.  “My unlocking process was delayed due to the waffles I ate yesterday?  Angels can deflect missiles with ease, but they will suffer negative consequences from eating _waffles_?”

“It is not something that Angels discuss very often,” he replied, blushing slightly, “After all, it is rather embarrassing.  However, waffles are not fatal to an Angel.  It just makes one’s powers unpredictable.”

“Hey, wait a second,” said Ikari, “Ayanami is an Angel, too?”  His voice did not tremble with fear or carry the sharpness of accusation.  He simply sounded curious. 

 _Ikari does not mind that Nagisa and I are Angels_ , Rei thought, _He still cares about us_.  That made her feel pleasantly warm inside.  Turning towards the giant that Nagisa had called Lilith, she felt even warmer as she finally sensed the connection that the Fifth Child had tried to show her before.  All of the boy’s words from the previous day now made perfect sense. 

“It’s all right, Ikari,” said Rei, levitating out of the LCL.  Her flight path was somewhat wobbly, but this time she successfully managed to land on Unit-01’s arm.  “My memory has returned.”

“Really?  That’s great!” Ikari exclaimed.  In a more subdued manner, he shyly added, “Welcome back, Ayanami.  I really missed you.”

“I am glad, too” said Nagisa, sighing with relief, “We cut it a little close there, but you made it just in time.”

“Yes, and I understand what you were trying to tell me before,” Rei told him, “You are a vessel for the soul of Adam, the mother of the Angels.  I am the vessel for Lilith, the mother of humanity… or rather, the Lilin.  This planet was meant to be Adam’s, but then Lilith landed here by accident.  We took your planet, even though we were never supposed to be here.  I am sorry.”  She bowed to him in apology, even though it probably looked a little silly since Nagisa was still wrapped in Unit-01’s giant purple fingers. 

Nagisa shook his head.  “Don’t be sorry,” he said, “If I had not lived among the Lilin, I never would have learned about music.  Worse, I never would have met Shinji.  How could I ever regret meeting him?  As far as I am concerned, the Lilin have earned this planet.  Furthermore, you have my deepest thanks, because now you will be able to save Shinji.”

“Save him?” said Rei, blinking in confusion, “But I thought I just did.”

“Not quite yet, Ayanami,” said Nagisa.  He bowed his head ruefully.  “I need you to kill me, so Shinji won’t have to.”

“What?” said Rei. 

“What?” said Ikari. 

“What?” said the choir. 

“Ayanami, now that you are aware of your true nature as a Seed of Life, you comprehend better than anyone why this needs to be done,” said Nagisa, “The Lilin are your children.  With your powers, you will be able to kill me in order to protect them.  Also, now that you remember your friendship with Shinji, you’ll be able to make him happy.  All I want is for him to be happy!”

“Kaworu!” said Ikari, beginning to sob, “I… I…”

Rei did not wait for Ikari to finish.  She ran down the length of Unit-01’s arm, straight towards Nagisa. 

“Yes, that’s it!” said Nagisa, eyes shining with gratitude, “You can use your A.T. Field in order to-“

However, it was not Rei’s A.T. Field, but her hand that lashed out and delivered a hard slap to his face.  “How dare you ask this of me!” she said, “You helped me to regain my freedom, and you clearly have no desire to harm the Lilin.  You are not an enemy.  I do not wish to kill you any more than Ikari does!”

 “Ayanami, you must understand!” Nagisa pleaded, “My Angelic instinct compels me to start Third Impact, in order to reclaim the planet for my species.  I cannot fight it forever.  Once I lose control, all the Lilin will perish, including Shinji!  I would rather die than hurt him!”

“You are already hurting him, right now,” Rei said quietly. 

A whimper escaped Nagisa’s throat as he began to tremble, and he squeezed his eyes shut as tears started to fall.  But the teardrops transformed into diamonds and rose petals, because apparently everything Nagisa did had to be strange. 

Sitting at the base of Unit-01’s thumb, Rei gently patted Nagisa on the head, to express remorse for striking him.  “There must be another way,” she said, “Please, help me think of something.”

Nagisa leaned appreciatively against her touch, but the sadness did not leave his eyes.  “I have spent multiple lifetimes trying to ‘think of something’,” he said, his haunted gaze seeming to observe something far beyond the walls of Terminal Dogma, “This may be difficult for you to believe, but we have all gone through these events, or variations of them, many times over.  I have been so determined to make Shinji happy that I’ve been willing to relive this life again and again, trying to find a way to avert tragedy.  But no matter what, the result is always the same: Shinji is forced to kill me, and it breaks him completely.”

Rei opened her mouth to reply, but then it occurred to her that she had no idea what to say.  They had all gone through multiple lifetimes together, but Nagisa was the only one who remembered?  How could such a thing be possible?  True, her very existence was proof that a soul and its memories could be transferred to a clone body, but that wasn’t the same as restarting an entire life’s worth of actions from the very beginning, with complete knowledge of everything that was going to happen.  Was Nagisa hinting that reincarnation was real, and that he had the rare gift of being able to retain all memories of his previous lives?  Or could it be that he was manipulating time itself, restarting the same life over and over until Ikari found happiness? 

Or perhaps they were all characters in a show made by KyoAni, but that was too frightening to contemplate. 

If Nagisa was indeed that powerful, then the implications were staggering.  She was a being similar to him, so did she also have such capabilities?  When she reached her full potential, would she be able to make time flow in whatever direction she wanted, and make sure that the souls of those she cared about would always meet again?  For someone who had been the Commander’s puppet just a short while ago, it was an astounding thought.  However, she never would have had this opportunity if Nagisa had not reawakened her.  Lilith should be his rival, but he obviously did not see it that way.  In fact, it was because of his compassion for the Lilin that he had chosen to defy his destiny of initiating Third Impact, only to become entangled in another disastrous outcome instead.  He was trapped, just as she had once been. 

“Please, Ayanami,” Nagisa continued, “Just kill me, so Shinji won’t have to be the one.  It is the only way to end this fate.”

“No,” she said, rising to her feet and ignoring his bewildered protests, “I do not agree with this conclusion.  The Angel of Free Will, a captive of fate?  Unacceptable.  You liberated me, so now I shall find a way to liberate you.”

Ikari sniffled, which was probably not a very comfortable thing to do while immersed in LCL.  “A-Ayanami?” he said, “Please, if there’s any way you can help Kaworu…”  The desperate hope in his voice made her heart ache. 

 _There must be a way to save them both_ , she thought, pacing back and forth along Unit-01’s arm as she considered her options, _There must be!_   If she was the vessel of Lilith, then perhaps she was capable of transforming Nagisa into a regular Lilin?  Then again, it might be cruel to do that to someone who was so accustomed to having Angelic powers.  It would be like slicing a bird’s wings off.  Was there anything else she could try? 

“Ayanami, I appreciate your generosity, but please do not make this any harder on yourself,” said Nagisa, “We were never meant to occupy the same planet.”

“Wait, that’s it!” said Rei. 

“Huh?” said Nagisa, Ikari, and the choir. 

“If Angels and the Lilin cannot occupy the same planet, then _why are we still trying to occupy the same planet_?”, said Rei, walking back to Nagisa, “What if we could send you and Adam to another world?  Would it be possible for you to create a new home for the Angels there?”  Her enthusiasm dimmed somewhat as she realized what she was asking of him, and she added apologetically, “Granted, it is rather unjust to send you away even though Adam rightfully arrived on Earth first, but the logistics of moving all the Lilin to another world instead would be…”

Nagisa shook his head.  “As I said before, you Lilin have earned this planet,” he said, smiling contentedly, “If I can populate another world with Angelic life, my instincts will be satisfied, and then Shinji and I would be able to safely see each other again.”

“You are most kind,” Rei said gratefully, “But where to send you, then?  The moon, perhaps?  No, it seems unfair to make you leave your planet for a place so much smaller.”  She did not wish to add insult to injury. 

“I do not mind that.  However, I fear that Angels living so close to Earth would cause panic among the Lilin,” said Nagisa, “I do not wish for anyone to go through further suffering because of the Angels.”

Closing her eyes in contemplation, Rei thought about the time when Tokyo-3 had suffered a blackout during the Ninth Angel’s attack, and how much Ikari had enjoyed looking up at the stars before power had returned to the city.  “Ikari, you seem to enjoy astronomy,” she said, opening her eyes to glance up at Unit-01’s face, “Do you have a suggestion?”

“Um… well, how about Mars?” said Ikari, “Earth has sent a bunch of unmanned orbiters and rovers there in order to explore it.  Maybe Kaworu would be able to use those to stay in touch with us?”

Nagisa nodded in approval, and so did Rei.  A long-distance friendship (okay, more like a long, long, _long_ -distance friendship) was better than anybody being killed.  Especially if it was only a temporary arrangement so Nagisa could set off an Impact in a Lilin-free zone. 

“Mars it is, then,” said Nagisa, “Thank you, Ayanami and Shinji.  This is a wonderful idea.”

Rei smiled.  “Shall we take a break now?”

Suddenly, Nagisa was no longer being clutched in Unit-01’s hand.  Instead, he and Rei were seated comfortably on the Eva’s outstretched arm, sipping from cans of UCC Coffee.  Ikari had left his entry plug and was sitting in between the two of them, also drinking coffee. 

“Wait,” said Nagisa, “What just happened?  Where did these refreshments come from?”

“Every so often, we must do advertisements for UCC Coffee,” said Rei, striking a pose with her beverage can as a camera flash lit up the room, “Maintaining the Evangelions is very expensive, so Nerv requires us to do this as a way of generating extra income.”

“Yeah, you get used to it after a while,” said Ikari, raising his drink and tilting his head to the side with a cute grin.  There was another camera flash. 

“Ah, I see,” said Nagisa, smiling and holding his coffee out towards the flashing camera, as if offering it to the viewer, “Well, this is more fun than Seele’s fundraising efforts.  They set up a webcam that just showed me floating naked in a tank filled with LCL.  They called it ‘Tabris-XXX’.  I could not understand it.  What kind of people would pay money to see me naked?”

Ikari groaned.  “Kaworu, give me your cell phone.  I’m going to add Child Services to your speed dial.”

“Oh, what about your choir, Nagisa?” said Rei, looking at the singing group hovering in the air in front of them, “They have been performing that song all this time.  Surely they would like something to drink as well?”

“Thank you for the offer, Ayanami,” said Nagisa, “But that is not something they need anymore.”  He nodded at the choir, and the vocalists fell silent as their hooded gray robes began to ripple like a series of mirages.  A few seconds later, these outer garments dissipated completely, revealing the people who had been hidden underneath. 

Every single one of them looked like Nagisa. 

 _Are they clones?_ , Rei wondered.  But no, a more careful assessment of the sight before her made it clear that they were not exact copies of Nagisa.  While their pale skin, red eyes, and wide smiles were all unmistakably his, the texture and color of their hair varied.  Whoever they were, most of them were dressed in either plugsuits or the boys’ uniform of Tokyo-3 First Municipal Middle School, although there were also a few unique outfits among the crowd. 

“Wow…” said Ikari, nearly breathless with amazement, “Kaworu, your fan club has great cosplayers!”

Nagisa chuckled.  “They are not cosplayers, Shinji.  These are my past lives.”

One of the singers drifted a little closer to Unit-01.  He wore an unfamiliar school uniform that included a black necktie with a white cross on it.  “Referring to us as his past lives is a partial explanation, but he is oversimplifying things quite a bit,” he said to Ikari. 

A choir member with honey-colored hair and a dark blue sailor outfit was the next to speak.  “For now, it will suffice to say that Shinji Ikari and Kaworu Nagisa have befriended each other again and again, over the course of many separate lifetimes.  Sometimes they meet in a world quite similar to this one…”

“But other times, it is very different!” said a singer whose plugsuit had been modified to resemble a Power Ranger costume.  

“The largest problems emerge whenever Kaworu Nagisa is born as the vessel of Adam,” the sailor-suited one continued, “As your Kaworu explained to you, those lifetimes have always ended in heartbreak.  Like what happened to me, for instance.”  From the neck down, his body began to shine with a blinding radiance, and then metamorphosed into an alien-looking Angel’s body, with the signature red core becoming visible on his torso.  Strange markings also materialized on his face, giving him an even more fearsome appearance. 

“Geez!” said the Power Ranger, moving away from his transformed colleague, “How many times do I have to tell you to warn the rest of us before you do that, man!  It’s creepy!”

The altered singer ignored the comment and went on, “Ayanami and Shinji, your Mars idea is brilliant.  I believe you may have found the key to finally end this cycle of tragedy.”

“That’s really good to hear,” Ikari said happily, not showing even the slightest trace of apprehension as he gazed at the Angelic being, “And I don’t think you’re creepy at all.  You’re still Kaworu, so I don’t care what you look like!”  Turning to smile at the Nagisa of his current timeline, he added, “Wow, so it’s really true: You and I have known each other for multiple lifetimes.  I-I think I understand now, why we became best friends so quickly…”  In a shy whisper, he finished, “It must have been because somewhere deep in my heart, I already knew you.”

“Awwwww…” said the choir.  Then one of singers shouted “Group hug!” and the whole crowd rushed forward to surround Ikari and Nagisa. 

“You too, Ayanami!” another vocalist exclaimed, guiding her into the massive hug as well. 

The next few minutes were a tangle of warm embraces and welcoming laughter, until a singer cheered, “Hooray for Shinji, our hero!” and the choir hoisted Ikari above their heads. 

“Hooray for Ayanami, our other hero!” said a different singer, and Rei found herself lifted over the assembly as well. 

Nagisa and his choir then launched into another rendition of “Ode to Joy”, as Rei and Ikari were passed from person to person (er… Angel to Angel?) above the singers’ heads. 

Ikari was blushing as he turned to look at her.  “We’re crowd surfing,” he said, laughing in disbelief, “We’re crowd surfing on a sea of Kaworus.”

“I guess we are,” she said with a smile.  She held her hand out to him, and their fingers entwined.  It is difficult to know what to say when body surfing atop an Angelic choir, so sometimes holding hands is all you can do. 

When the celebration had finished and Rei, Ikari, and Nagisa were safely seated on Unit-01’s arm again, one of the choir members floated closer to Ikari.  His outfit was similar to Nagisa’s, but his hair was bright silver as opposed to Nagisa’s lavender-gray.  However, what was most noticeable about him was that he had a dead kitten cradled in his arms.  Where had that come from? 

“Will you hold him?” said the silver-haired vocalist, offering the cat’s limp body to Ikari. 

“Huh?” said Ikari.  He looked around at everyone else for an explanation, but all the other singers remained silent and watched him intently.  “Um… okay,” he decided, taking the tiny feline out of the other boy’s hands. 

“Meow?”

“What the-?!” Ikari cried out, nearly losing his balance as the kitten inexplicably opened its eyes and began to breathe again.  Rei grabbed Ikari’s shoulder on one side while Nagisa grabbed his other shoulder, to prevent him from falling off Unit-01’s arm.  Not the least bit bothered by this commotion, the kitten simply purred. 

“Will you take care of him?” the silver-haired vocalist asked, “Please?”

Rei noticed the way he had held his breath right after asking that.  _He seems afraid that Ikari will refuse_ , she thought. 

Ikari stroked the kitten’s white fur, his fingers cautiously tracing the half-starved creature’s protruding ribs.  “Poor little guy,” said Ikari, “I’ll do my best.”

“Oh thank you, thank you, thank you!” said the silver-haired boy, flinging his arms around Ikari and hugging him tightly.  “Thank you, thank you…” he kept repeating, until he could no longer form words as he began to sob loudly, with tears streaming down his face.  Some of the other singers started to cry too, but the teardrops transformed into butterflies and jellybeans, because apparently _every_ version of Nagisa had to be strange. 

“Uh… you’re welcome,” said Ikari, setting the kitten down on his lap so that he could give the singer a quick hug back, “I guess this kitten must have held some significance for us in a previous life?”

“You have no idea,” the singer responded with a self-deprecating smile.  Glowing softly, he began to turn transparent, slowly fading away. 

Ikari’s eyes grew wide.  “Where are you going?  Come back!”

“Don’t be sad, Shinji,” the vanishing boy said, “I died a long time ago.  But I’m happy now.  I’m really, really, happy…”

Then he was gone. 

“Oh, don’t worry about him,” said the singer with the visible Angel core, “That fellow has a thing for dramatic exits, but he’ll be all right.  He’s just returning to our headquarters.  You did a very good thing for him, Shinji.”

“Speaking of headquarters, we should go back as well,” the vocalist with the cross necktie said to the rest of the choir, “This is not our timeline, so we should not overstay our welcome.”

“So soon?” said Ikari, his shoulders sagging with disappointment. 

“Sorry, we just came here to give your Kaworu a little musical encouragement during his final days,” said the choir member with the Power Ranger outfit, “But thanks to you and Ayanami, he’s going to live.  So cheer up, Shinji!”

“Good luck with the Mars mission,” said a singer with three pairs of glowing wings sprouting from his back, “I pray for everyone’s happiness.”

One by one, the remaining vocalists disappeared, calling out “Goodbye!” or “Good luck!” as they left, with the exception of one who said “ _Do svidaniya!_ ” instead. 

“Why was that guy speaking Russian?” asked Ikari. 

“It’s… a long story,” said Nagisa. 

When the last of the choir had vanished, the three Eva pilots sat in contemplative silence for several minutes, until Ikari finally broke the spell by saying, “Hey, Kaworu?”

“Yes, Shinji?”

Ikari suddenly grabbed Nagisa by the shirt collar.  “Stop dying all the time, damn it!” he shouted right in Nagisa’s face, “If you ever try to get yourself killed again, I’m gonna freaking kill you!”  After a brief pause, he added in a more subdued voice, “Okay, I just realized that threat didn’t make any sense at all.”

“It was rather confusing, yes.”

Sighing, Ikari put an arm around Nagisa’s shoulders.  “I’m sorry, Kaworu.  It’s just… really overwhelming to find out that my best friend has died for me so many times.  You have to start looking after yourself too, you know.  Otherwise it’s… not fair… and stuff.”  Turning towards Rei, he added, “That goes for you too, Ayanami.  Ritsuko destroyed the rest of your clone bodies.  There’ll be no coming back if you get blown up again.  Seriously, you and Kaworu have to quit doing this.  I-I’m not worth all this trouble.”

“Yes, you are!” Nagisa and Rei said simultaneously. 

All three children blushed and stared at the wall. 

Rei cleared her throat.  “Nagisa will not die,” she said resolutely, “I will do whatever I can to ensure that he remains safe until he can go to Mars.”

“Thank you, Ayanami,” said Nagisa, “You really saved me today.”

“You saved the both of us,” Ikari added. 

There was that warm feeling in her heart again.  Rei wondered what she should do about it.  Thinking back, she recalled how Toji Suzuhara and Ikari had punched each other before becoming friends.  Also, just a moment ago Ikari had threatened to kill Nagisa, and then reaffirmed their friendship.  Did this mean that people liked violence as a gesture of camaraderie?  It would explain why Vice Commander Fuyutsuki looked like he wanted to punch the Commander half the time.  But she did not feel like hitting Ikari or Nagisa. 

She decided to try a different tactic.  “Ikari?  Nagisa?”

“Yes, Ayanami?” said Nagisa. 

“Would it be all right if you both… called me Rei?” she asked. 

The boys glanced at each other, smiled, and turned back to Rei.  “Sure, Rei,” said Ikari, “If you’ll call us Shinji and Kaworu.”

“Thank you, Shinji.  Thank you, Kaworu,” she said, smiling back at them.  Strange, that warm sensation was now filling her from head to toe.  But it felt very nice. 

“Meow?”

Ikari – no, _Shinji_ – looked down at the kitten in his lap.  “That’s right.  We need to give you a name, don’t we?” he said, petting the little feline. 

“How about ‘Lazarus’?” Kaworu suggested, “It sounds like a fitting name for someone who was restored to life.”

“Meow!”

Shinji rubbed the kitten’s belly.  “He seems to like that idea.  Hmm, Lazarus sure is thin, though.  I’d better get him something to eat soon.”  With a sad sigh, he added, “I wish there was also something I could do for Asuka.  She’s normally so strong, and… and everything that I’m not.  Seeing her in that coma is killing me.”

“Let’s head back up, then,” said Kaworu, “I may be able to help her.”

“Really?  Thanks, Kaworu!” said Shinji, picking up Lazarus and hastily rising to his feet, “Let’s go.  Misato and the others are probably freaking out wondering what happened to us, anyway.”

That was an understatement, Rei knew.  Even though Major Katsuragi was a friend, she hated the Angels, so it was going to be a challenge to make her see that Kaworu was not an enemy.  However, Major Katsuragi was the least of their worries.  From what Rei knew of the Commander’s scenario, both he and Seele had plans that would not only require the elimination of all the Angels, but could also lead to catastrophe for the Lilin. 

Without a doubt, the Eva pilots still had more difficulties ahead of them.  But as Rei looked at Shinji and Kaworu again, she also knew that no matter what, she would help her friends to find happiness.  Moreover, Shinji was right; she had to start thinking about her own happiness as well.  She could never allow herself to be a puppet again. 

Rei Ayanami hoped that today was going to be a good day. 

No, that wasn’t right. 

Rei Ayanami was determined to _make_ it a good day. 

TO BE CONTINUED

Next chapter: Asuka makes her triumphant return.  Yay!  Also, Misato finds out that Kaworu is the vessel of Adam.  Uh-oh!  Don’t miss Chapter 2 of The Happy Red Planet, “Campus Asuka-calypse”!  There will be fan service, too! 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In the first and second drafts of the script for episode 24 of the Neon Genesis Evangelion TV series, Shinji noticed that there were scars on Kaworu’s wrist, but no information was given on where the scars came from. This plot point was not used in the final version of the episode, so it’s not canon, but I thought it might be worth exploring in fan fiction. If the scars meant that Kaworu had attempted suicide but then discovered that he could not die from self-inflicted wounds, this would explain why someone else has to kill him in order to prevent Third Impact. Of course we all know how badly Shinji always reacts to doing the deed, which is why Kaworu in this fan fic had the “brilliant” idea of asking Rei to be the executioner instead. Silly Angel, don’t you see that Shinji would be devastated about losing you no matter who does the killing? Kaworu is powerful, intelligent, and has a good heart, but there is a lot about the Lilin that he still doesn’t know. Then again, one of the themes of Evangelion is that _all_ people hurt each other due to misunderstandings. 
> 
> As you probably noticed, this fan fiction is set in the original anime continuity, albeit with some time/space shenanigans going on (plus the story will proceed in a very different direction from here, because Kaworu didn’t die). However, this chapter also had a number of shout-outs to some other Evangelion continuities, concept art, and merchandise. These references were mainly just for fun, so don’t worry if you’re not very familiar with the various Eva spinoffs out there. But if you happened to spot them all, then congratulations, you’re just as crazy about Evangelion as I am! That’s probably not a good thing, but at least I’m not alone in my insanity. Hee hee! 
> 
> Thank you very much for reading, and feedback would be greatly appreciated. See you next time! 
> 
> -Literary Eagle, 2013


	2. Campus Asuka-calypse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to the second chapter! Thanks for following the story so far, and extra special thanks to those of you who took the time to give me feedback. You’re all awesome! 
> 
> Legal disclaimer (to keep my imaginary lawyer happy): I don’t own Neon Genesis Evangelion. It belongs to Hideaki Anno and Gainax/Khara.

Asuka Langley Soryu was in hell. 

As if it hadn’t been enough to utterly fail as an Evangelion pilot and have her mind violated by that damn Angel, finding out from Stupid Shinji that Kaji was dead had truly been the final breaking point.  With the loss of Kaji, the wretched remnants of her sync rate had completely shattered, along with all her hope.  She had run away from home and wandered aimlessly for days, before finally curling up in the bathtub of a ruined house.  That was where she had discovered a bathroom mirror that was just as broken as she was, and it had only seemed fitting to use the shards to cut her wrist so she could bleed away into oblivion.  Finally, she would no longer have to face this horrible world anymore…

Not. 

It had been just her luck that the buffoons in Intelligence Division 2 had chosen that day of all days to finally get a clue and find her before she could completely bleed out.  Everything had gone black after that.  At some point, she had briefly grasped onto a sliver of consciousness and noticed that she was being kept in a hospital bed, but before long she sank deeper and deeper into the darkness of her mind, hopefully never to see the stupid, stupid world again.  Finally, she would have the peace she desired…

Not. 

She was now trapped inside her own mind, forced to witness a relentless torrent of hated memories.  Seeing her beloved Mama become a workaholic, so busy with the Evangelion project that she scarcely had time for her own child anymore.  Then, the day of the contact experiment.  Asuka never knew what Mama saw inside the Eva during that test, but whatever it was, it had caused her develop an unhealthy obsession with the perfection of robots and dolls, to the point of no longer wanting her flesh-and-blood daughter.  On and on the memories progressed, as unstoppable as they were unbearable.  Papa’s infidelity.  Mama constantly doting on a ragdoll instead of her real child.  Mama’s suicide. 

The unwanted recollections continued, until at last Asuka found herself on a familiar college campus.  She breathed a sigh of relief.  This campus had been the site of one of her greatest achievements (aside from Eva piloting, of course… no wait, best not to think of that anymore).  Here was where she had proved herself to be a child prodigy, graduating from college at such a young age.  At least now she could see memories that would make her feel happy and proud…

Not. 

To her horror, she could see Mama standing a short distance away, still cradling that repulsive doll.  No, no, this was all wrong!  Mama had died years before Asuka had gone to college! 

Then in another corner of the campus, Asuka spotted Papa in the midst of passionately kissing his former mistress, now Asuka’s stepmother. 

Feeling sick to her stomach, Asuka tried to back away, but found herself unable to move.  Looking down, she soon discovered why: there were strings tied around her limbs.  “What the… aaaahhhh!” she cried out in shock, as an invisible force pulled on the strings and hoisted her into the air, leaving her to dangle like a marionette. 

“No!” she screamed, thrashing ineffectually, “I’m not a doll!  I’m not a puppet!”

There was a sound of eerie giggling, and Asuka gazed down in shock to see an army of ragdolls marching onto the campus.  They all had button eyes, just like the one that Mama loved.  Some of the giggling little terrors started to scribble all over the school buildings with crayons, while others spread out miniature tea sets and acted like they were having a picnic.  The dignified college that had been Asuka’s source of pride was being converted into a giant nursery.  In the midst of this degrading transformation, Mama obliviously tried to feed pudding to her precious button-eyed bundle, while Papa went on with kissing his second wife as if their faces had fused together. 

“Stop it!  All of you!” Asuka demanded, fighting without success to free herself from the puppet strings. 

Another wave of giggling erupted.  “How rude,” said one of the dolls, “We just wanted to play with you, Asuka!  Now we’ll have to punish you for being a bad girl!”

There was an ominous metallic scraping sound, as each of the ragdolls pulled a knife out of thin air and began to laugh sadistically. 

“No, wait!” one of them said, “Asuka has been a very, very bad girl.  So we need to give her a really special punishment!”

That was when the knives transformed into microphones. 

Wait, _microphones_?! 

A tune began to play from a large music box that had mysteriously appeared on the campus, as the dolls began to sing, “It’s a small world after all…”

“Noooooooooo!” Asuka cried in agony. 

Yes, she really was in hell! 

* * *

“I hope this works,” Shinji whispered to himself.  Climbing out of Unit-01’s entry plug, he sobbed dramatically as he pretended to collapse under the weight of overwhelming grief, sinking to the floor in a trembling heap. 

Misato immediately ran to his side.  One of her hands reached out towards him but stopped before making actual contact, wordlessly asking for permission.  He nodded, and the look of gratitude he gave her was genuine.  His relationship with Misato had become strained ever since the second Rei’s death, but after today’s close call with Kaworu, he knew that he didn’t want to risk losing a friend again. 

“I’m so sorry, Shinji,” said Misato, helping him up and hugging him tightly, “If only I had known sooner that the Fifth Child was actually an Angel…”

Oh right, time to act sad again.  “Why?  Why did he have to die?” Shinji wailed, “Kaworu was my best friend, even if he was an Angel!  It’s not fair!”  It was a good thing that he was dripping wet with LCL, so that the little trails of liquid running down his face could easily be mistaken for tears.  He felt guilty for deceiving his guardian like this, but Rei was right: Misato hated the Angels, and his father would definitely not be pleased about the Seventeenth Angel’s survival either, so their best hope for saving Asuka was to sneak Kaworu into the hospital wing and let him heal her first.  There would be time for explanations – or dodging bullets – later. 

“You did what you had to, Shinji,” said Misato, stroking his LCL-slicked hair, “Thanks to you, the world is safe again.”

Out of the corner of his eye, Shinji saw Kaworu emerge from the cover of Unit-01’s shadow.  Rei was the next to come out from the hiding spot, with Lazarus the kitten safely cradled in her arms.  As the two Angels and their feline companion began to sneak away, Shinji knew that it was essential to keep his guardian distracted.  “Torrent of ardent pathos,” he sobbed loudly, clinging to Misato’s red jacket, “Unfamiliar ceiling… mustn’t run away…”

It wasn’t loud enough, though, because he could clearly hear Lazarus say “Meow!”, causing everyone to freeze in their tracks. 

Misato gave Shinji an odd look.  “Did you just say ‘meow’?” she said incredulously. 

“Uh… not meow, but _ow_!” Shinji said quickly, hunching over and clutching his ribs in feigned discomfort, “Ow, ow, ow!  I got a bit bruised during the fight.  Nothing serious, though!  I just need some rest.”  Seeing that Kaworu, Rei, and the tiny kitty had taken advantage of the diversion to escape, he let out a sigh of relief before he could stop himself. 

Fortunately, Misato seemed to mistake the sigh for an indicator of fatigue.  “Come on, Shinji,” she said, putting an arm around his shoulders as she gently guided him out of the Eva cage, “I’ll take you home.”

Shinji shook his head.  “Actually, I’d rather visit Asuka in the hospital.”

“All right.  We’ll go together.”

“No!  Um, I mean… I’d rather be alone with Asuka for a while,” said Shinji, his mind frantically searching for a good excuse, “Because… um… because now that Kaworu’s gone, she’s all I have left.”

“Oh.  Very well,” said Misato, and the warmth seemed to drain from the whole area as her tone became completely businesslike, “I will see you later, then.”  Her arm fell away from Shinji’s shoulders, and she briskly walked away without another word. 

Suppressing a wince, Shinji realized too late that his choice of words had been less than ideal.  As if lying to Misato wasn’t bad enough, now he’d made it seem like he didn’t value her as a friend.  Mentally kicking himself for the blunder, he headed towards the locker room so he could change out of his plugsuit.  “I’m sorry, Misato,” he whispered to the empty corridor, “But I’ll make it up to you.  We’ll get Asuka back, and then we’ll be a family again!”

* * *

“Argh, my family sucks!” Asuka exclaimed, as her vantage point gave her a good look at Mama still trying to feed pudding to a doll in one part of the campus, while in another area she could see Papa still making out with his second wife. 

As for the singing ragdolls, they had finished with “It’s a Small World” and had switched to performing about a hundred different versions of “Fly Me to the Moon”.  Damn it, just how many remixes of this song were there? 

“Enough!” she shouted, trying unsuccessfully once again to break free of the strings that held her in place, “Enough of the Raggedy Ann brigade and the horrible musical numbers, already!”

The dolls became silent, and suddenly Mama was floating in the air right in front of her, staring at Asuka with eyes so feral that they scarcely looked human.  “Awwww, no more singing?  No more playing?” said Mama, her face nearly splitting in half with an impossibly wide and manic grin, “If you’re tired, then… die with me!”  One of her hands reached out towards Asuka, the fingers curving like talons. 

“Get the hell away from me!” Asuka shrieked.  She tugged frantically at the marionette strings, but an unseen force pulled back with greater strength, making the bindings even tighter.  This wasn’t how she’d wanted to die!  Not as a helpless puppet!  But there was no way to fight back, and no way to escape.  As Mama’s clawed hand drew nearer, she screwed her eyes shut and waited for the inevitable.  There was nothing she could do but meet her doom… and the sounds of _An die Freude_?  Ode to Joy? 

Opening her eyes, Asuka saw that instead of Mama, there was now a cell phone floating before her.  The device was lavender-gray in color, and had a tiny plush Shinji charm dangling from it.  The “Ode to Joy” kept playing, and she realized that it must be the phone’s ringtone. 

As the song played on and on, Asuka groaned at the knowledge that she wouldn’t get any peace unless she did something about it.  Struggling against the strings holding her arms, she finally managed to regain just enough mobility to grab the phone and answer it.  “Hello?”

In response, she was greeted by a cheerful voice from one of those annoying interactive phone menus.  The voice said:

**Welcome to the Final Messenger hotline, courtesy of the TABRIS network!**

**For piano lessons, press 1.**

**For violin lessons, press 2.**

**For a discussion on how your heart is made of glass and you are therefore worthy of empathy, press 3.**

**To request assistance escaping from a coma-induced nightmare, press 4.**

“What?” said Asuka, glaring at the phone, “Is this some kind of sick joke?”  Snarling, she let the mobile device fall to the ground, where it shattered into pieces.  But the pieces transformed into little white doves and promptly flew away, because apparently everything around here had to be strange. 

However, there were other things that were far worse, which Asuka remembered the hard way when Mama immediately appeared in front of her again, with eyes that looked more wild and insane than ever.  “Die with me!” Mama cackled, reaching out towards her. 

Asuka screamed and tried to move away, but yet again there wasn’t anywhere she could go while bound with the strings. 

“Die with me,” said Mama, laughing like a demented clown, “Die with me, die with me, die with… urk!”  Her eyes widened and her hands went to her own throat, as if she were choking on something.  Moments later, a lavender-gray cell phone came out of her mouth, ringing its familiar tune again. 

“Ewwww, are you kidding me?” said Asuka, looking at the cell phone sticking out of Mama’s mouth. 

“Mmfph?” said Mama, blinking dazedly as the phone’s music continued to play. 

Sighing, Asuka grabbed the phone and pulled it free of Mama’s jaws.  As soon as she did so, Mama went back to cackling and attempting to grab her.  “Oh, give me a break, already!” said Asuka, trying as best she could to keep Mama at bay while answering the phone at the same time. 

**To request assistance escaping from a coma-induced nightmare, press 4** , the phone’s cheerful voice repeated. 

“Okay, okay, fine!” said Asuka, pressing 4. 

Quick as lightning (but thankfully without the sizzling part), a gray and white blur descended from the heavens, cutting Asuka loose from the strings and holding her securely as it flew her away from Mama and the dolly campus. 

Straining to open her eyes during the high-speed flight, Asuka could make out her rescuer’s pale skin and red eyes.  The First Child?  “Oh no,” she said, “Not you!  I do _not_ need to be saved by you, of all people!”  She tried to struggle out of the First’s arms, despite the fact that they were still zipping through the air.  “And what’s with the clothes?” she added, looking at her fellow pilot’s baffling choice of attire, “Why are you wearing the male school uniform?  Ewwww, is this Stupid Shinji’s outfit?  Are you two doing something kinky?”  She gave the First a hard shove, and that was when she realized that the girl’s chest was a lot flatter than it should be.  Where the hell had her boobs gone?  “What, did they fall off, you freak?” said Asuka, rubbing her hand back and forth along the First’s chest. 

Laughter bubbled up from her rescuer.  “Soryu, that tickles!”

Okay, that was definitely not the First’s voice.  In fact, it was a male voice.  Looking up at the person’s face more carefully this time, Asuka realized that she had been mistaken.  Instead of the expected short blue hair, this fellow had fluffy lavender-gray hair, and his wide smile was definitely not characteristic of the First at all.  If anything, a more accurate comparison was that he looked as if someone had Photoshopped a smiley face onto a dust bunny. 

“Who the hell are you?” she asked. 

“I the hell am Kaworu Nagisa,” the boy said, seemingly oblivious to the rudeness of Asuka’s wording, “Also, I the hell am here to guide you out of this nightmare.”  His flight slowed to a more leisurely pace, and together they drifted downwards like a giant feather as he hummed _An die Freude_.  The instant she heard Nagisa’s feet touch the ground, she quickly scrambled out of his arms and backed away from him.  Not appearing the least bit offended by the swift disengagement, he casually tucked his hands into his pockets, still smiling at her. 

Glancing around, Asuka saw that their surroundings looked like nothing but… well, nothingness.  As far she could tell, they were just standing in a huge black void, although presumably there had to be some sort of unseen floor supporting them.  Well, anything was better than that warped campus.  “Okay, thanks for getting me away from that stupid doll party, but I don’t need any more help,” she said, hoping that her brave tone would hide her embarrassment at mistaking this guy for the First Child, “This is just fine, so you can leave now.”

Nagisa’s eyebrows rose slightly.  “Really?” he said, “You are truly content with spending the rest of your days in an immeasurable void?  It hardly seems like a suitable ending for one of the world’s saviors.”  His gaze swept the area as if he were carefully inspecting the environment, even though of course there was nothing there to inspect.  “Still, I suppose the lack of structures and furnishings means you will not have to devote much time to _feng shui_ …”

“I don’t give a _feng_!” said Asuka, stamping her foot, “Again, thanks for saving me from those damned dolls, but _no thanks_ to any further assistance.  I don’t need anything else, especially from a stranger!”  Especially from a stranger who could fly.  “I have no reason to trust you!”

“I am here on behalf of Shinji Ikari,” said Nagisa, his voice infused with extra tenderness upon mentioning Shinji’s name, “He is very concerned about you, so I came here to guide you back to him.”

Asuka’s eyes narrowed with suspicion.  “Stupid Shinji sent you?  Really?”  She’d never heard him mention a Kaworu Nagisa before.  “Why are you helping him?”

“Because I love him,” Nagisa replied warmly. 

“So… you’re gay?”

“I’m very happy, how are you?”

“That’s not what I meant, you idiot!” Asuka exclaimed.  Was this guy for real?  “I’m asking what your relationship is with Stupid Shinji!”

“He is my greatest friend and my greatest joy, so I love him,” said Nagisa, not losing his smile despite Asuka’s shouting, “And you are an important friend to him, so I love you as well.”

“Yay, lucky me,” said Asuka, rolling her eyes as she began to walk away from him, “Get lost, weirdo.  I am _not_ going back.”  In a quieter voice, she murmured to herself, “There’s nothing for me to go back _to_.”

“Ah, are you referring to your diminished synchronization rate?” said Nagisa, who was suddenly standing right in front of her instead of being left behind.  How the hell had he done that?  “You are no longer able to pilot an Evangelion, and because of that you have decided to give up on life?  But why should that be?  Just as white light actually contains a multitude of colors, you shine with a myriad of diverse abilities.  You are a young genius who has already graduated from college, you speak multiple languages, you play the violin, your midichlorian count is higher than Master Yoda’s…”

“My _what_ is higher than Master _Who_?” said Asuka, almost ready to tear her hair out in frustration.  Or better yet, tear Nagisa’s hair out.  “Look, bub, you’re not making any sense!”

“All I am saying, Soryu, is that perhaps your status as an Eva pilot should not comprise your entire self-worth.  Consider this: once there are no more Angels to fight, what then?”

Why was this clown so intent on wasting her time?  “I’m not in the mood for playing ‘what if’ games!  There’s no way of knowing when the Angels will stop coming.  Hell, maybe they’ll never stop!”

Nagisa shook his head.  “There will be no more Angels.”

“Really?  What makes you so damn sure, wise guy?”

“Why, because I am the last Angel, of course!”

“Oh.  Yeah, I guess that would explain… wait, _WHAT_?!”  With a cry of rage and hatred, Asuka tackled Nagisa to the floor, wrapping her hands around his neck and squeezing as hard as she could. 

“Soryu, that tickles!”

* * *

Sitting in a chair beside Asuka’s hospital bed, Shinji peered anxiously at the comatose girl’s face, hoping to see any change in her condition.  Nothing yet.  Next, he turned to Kaworu who was seated beside him.  The gray-haired boy appeared to be fast asleep, even though Shinji knew there was much more going on than that.  “Come back soon, you two,” Shinji pleaded, gently squeezing Kaworu’s shoulder with one hand while clasping Asuka’s distressingly cold fingers in the other hand, “Please, please come back.”

“Everything will be all right,” Rei’s voice sounded from behind him, “Soryu is very strong.”

Despite his worries, Shinji turned around to give Rei a grateful smile.  After all, they wouldn’t have made it this far if she hadn’t saved Kaworu.  Heck, she was still looking out for them, resolutely standing guard by the door even though it was already locked.  Lazarus was better off because of Rei as well, purring in a nearby corner as he enjoyed the softened kitten food that she had found in one of Ritsuko’s storerooms.  Yes, things would have been much worse if it hadn’t been for Rei. 

There were so many things that Shinji wanted to tell her.  He wanted to apologize for avoiding her after he had found out about the clones.  He wanted to say that he knew about her connection to his mother, but that he considered her to be a unique individual and a dear friend, not just Yui Ikari’s shadow.  And of course, he couldn’t express enough how thankful he was that she had figured out a way for Kaworu to survive.  With all these thoughts running through his head and feelings coursing through his heart, he had no idea where to begin.  But perhaps there was one burning question he could start with.  “Um, Rei?” he asked shyly, “What’s with the Taser?”

“I promised that I would protect Kaworu until he can leave for Mars,” she reminded him, hefting the electroshock weapon as if to emphasize her sincerity. 

“Are you sure you’re okay with using something like that?” said Shinji.  The Taser was much smaller than the guns they used with their Evas, of course, but it still seemed huge compared to Rei’s dainty fingers.  “It looks dangerous.”

“There is no need for concern, Shinji.  It was very easy to utilize.”

_Was_ very easy?  Why had she spoken in the past tense?  “Uh, Rei, are you saying that you already used it on someone?”

Rei nodded.  “The Commander had somehow deduced that Kaworu did not actually die, so I needed to incapacitate him.  He is currently tied up in a supply closet.”

“You used a _Taser_ on my father?!” Shinji exclaimed, torn between wanting to run away and wanting to give Rei a big hug, “Uh, are you sure you’re not taking this a little too seriously?”

“The circumstances truly _are_ serious, Shinji,” said Rei, “The Commander cannot proceed with his scenario unless all the Angels are dead, and the members of Seele have a similar requirement in order to seek out their own goals.  Humanity is in great danger, and the best way to avert catastrophe is to ensure that Kaworu stays alive.”  Her hands trembled slightly, and moisture gathered in her eyes as she glanced down at the weapon in her grasp.  “And… I also wish to save the Commander from himself,” she added softly. 

Shinji was astounded.  _Rei still cares about Father?_ With a twinge of jealousy that he hurriedly stifled, Shinji remembered that Father had spent more time raising Rei than looking after him.  It made sense that Rei’s emotions concerning Father would be complicated, even though she didn’t want to be his puppet ever again.  _She’s entitled to her feelings, but after what happened to Toji, I don’t give a flying puck about Father anymore,_ Shinji thought bitterly, _He can go sit on an N2 mine, for all I care.  Misato, Asuka, Rei, and Kaworu are my real family now._  

Having settled those thoughts, the significance of the rest of Rei’s words finally rose to the forefront of his mind.  Shinji had known that Kaworu could be in danger once Nerv discovered that he was still alive.  That was why the Eva pilots had agreed to heal Asuka first, just in case Kaworu was forced to make a quick getaway once the truth got out.  But if what Rei said was correct, then the stakes were even higher than Shinji had imagined. 

“Oh no,” said Shinji, his eyes darting nervously to Kaworu’s inert body, “He can’t defend himself if his consciousness is inside Asuka’s mind.  He’s vulnerable like this!”  Shinji desperately wanted to help Asuka, but he would never forgive himself if his best friend got killed in the process.  He didn’t want to become the kind of man who treated people as disposable tools like Father did. 

“I will protect Kaworu,” Rei said firmly, “Besides, hopefully it will not take long for him to contact Soryu and convince her to return to us.”

As soon as she had finished saying those words, Kaworu’s head and shoulders were abruptly thrown back as if someone had shoved him, and he let out a small grunt before his body went limp again. 

“It would appear that he has made contact with Soryu,” Rei said, rather unnecessarily. 

Shinji groaned.  _We are so screwed._  

* * *

_Screw this_ , Asuka thought, as it became clear that trying to strangle Nagisa wasn’t working at all, _If I can’t choke him, then I’ll rearrange his face with my fists!_   With that, her hands became a furious blur of rapid punches raining down towards Nagisa’s head.  This effort proved to be equally fruitless, though, for every single one of her strikes was blocked by the telltale concentric orange octagons of an A.T. Field.  “Coward,” she growled, punching even harder despite the growing pain in her knuckles, “Stop hiding behind that A.T. Field!  Fight me properly!”

But the Angel just lay there in silence, still keeping his hands in his pockets as he calmly gazed up at her thwarted attacks. 

“Don’t mock me!” she screamed. 

“It is not my intent to mock you,” he said, “If using your fists will allow you to work out your frustrations and help you to feel better, then I am glad to let you do so.”

“I won’t feel better unless you drop the A.T. Field and make this a real fight!” said Asuka, grabbing his arms and pulling his hands out of his pockets. 

If Nagisa’s hands had chosen that moment to transform into gigantic scissors like something out of a Tim Burton movie, it would have been less unexpected than what she actually did see: numerous scars covering one of his wrists.  There were so many of them all over the small area of skin that it almost appeared as if a frenzied spider’s web had been grafted there.  “But… how could…” she said, trailing off helplessly as her eyes were inexorably drawn to the scars on her own wrist for comparison.  How could an Angel, a monster, have something in common with her?  Share her pain?  Shaking her head in fierce denial, Asuka compulsively grabbed at Nagisa’s marred skin, hoping it was an illusion that she could just peel away, to prove that this all-too-human frailty of his could not be real.  But the disfigurement did not vanish, and Asuka could do nothing but gape at him in stunned disbelief.  Nagisa was the one with a permanent spider web clinging to him, but she was the one who felt stuck. 

The Angel sat up slowly, and very gently wrapped his arms around her.  Asuka tried to protest, to call him a pervert, but the words never left her mouth.  To her great puzzlement, his touch felt… motherly?  Yes, he somehow felt like Mama used to, before she became a workaholic and then a doll-obsessed lunatic.  Before everything had gone wrong.  How could this be possible?  It was totally crazy, yet comforting.  Weird, but warm. 

“It’s okay,” he whispered. 

No, this couldn’t be okay.  Why would this oddball remind her so strongly of Mama?  It didn’t make any sense.  Unless… it was a trap!  It had to be! 

She thought of the horrible bird Angel that had violated her mind, and with a sharp cry she broke away from Nagisa.  Trembling with fear and simultaneously despising herself for showing weakness to anyone, let alone an enemy, she tried to get up and run, but she was shaking so badly that her usual grace failed her.  She fell back to the floor. 

“No,” she whimpered, curling into a ball and squeezing her eyes shut so tightly that her face hurt, “No, no, no!”

“I mean you no harm, Soryu.”

“Liar!  You’re an Angel!  You’re one of _them_!  That bird invaded my mind, and now you’re here to finish the job, aren’t you?”

“Absolutely not,” said Nagisa, “That is why I made sure to ask for permission before visiting your mind.  Remember?”

Oh, right.  That silly cell phone had asked her to press 4 if she wanted assistance. 

Asuka sighed.  She was so tired.  Tired of being defeated, tired of jumping to the wrong conclusions, tired of the humiliation.  Tired of everything.  “Fine,” she mumbled, not bothering to look up at Nagisa, “Thanks for the rescue.  But there’s nothing else you or anyone can do to help me, so you should just go now.”

Something nudged her hand.  “Don’t you ever give up?” she said, grudgingly opening her eyes so she could glare at… a hedgehog?  The little creature retreated nervously from her evident displeasure, puffing into a spiky ball to protect himself from her wrath.  Asuka sat up and raised an eyebrow at Nagisa. 

“Shinji wanted me to give you a message,” he said in response to her unvoiced question. 

“A message in the form of a hedgehog?” said Asuka, “Seriously?”

The Angel simply shrugged.  “Perhaps it is symbolic?”

“Yeah, symbolic of the fact that I can never meet anybody normal,” Asuka complained.  But the hedgehog looked so small and so pathetically adorable that she couldn’t stay angry with him, even if he had come from Stupid Shinji.  Holding her hand out in an inviting gesture, she waited until the tiny animal uncurled from his defensive ball and tentatively nuzzled her fingers.  She grinned triumphantly.  Naturally, no animal could resist the charms of the great Asuka Langley Soryu.  She carefully rubbed his tiny ears, and was pleasantly surprised when he began to purr.  “Aww,” said Asuka, “He purrs like a kitten.  And his eyes glow like car headlights… wait, _WHAT_?!”

Sure enough, the hedgehog’s eyes were emitting a bright light.  As if that wasn’t bizarre enough, the light began to form an image, like from a movie projector.  It was a picture of the kitchen from the apartment that Asuka shared with Misato and Shinji.  However, she had never seen it looking quite like this before: nearly every available piece of furniture was covered with plates and bowls full of traditional German foods, as if somebody had been practicing the recipes over and over.  Asuka’s mouth began to water at the sight of REAL FOOD.  Sure, the Japanese dishes that Shinji usually cooked were very good, but as far as Asuka was concerned, nothing could compare to German cuisine.  So many delicious stews, breads, pot roasts, sausages… “What’s this all about?” she asked, blushing as she failed to prevent her stomach from growling. 

Nagisa politely pretended he hadn’t heard the rumbling sound.  Or perhaps he was just too clueless to realize that normal people would find it embarrassing.  “That image is what Shinji wanted you to see,” he said, “It is one of his memories.”

“Did Stupid Shinji make all that food?  Enough to fill up the whole kitchen like that?”

The Angel nodded.  “He even filled the bathtub with food.”

“But why?”

“Because he ran out of room on the balcony.”

“That’s not what I meant, you idiot!” said Asuka.  Obviously, this was a phrase she was going to have to use a lot with this guy.  “I’m asking why he made so much food in the first place!”

“Ah.  Do you remember what happened before you went into a coma?”

“I… I ran away from home,” she said, “I wandered for days, and then I found that bathtub, so I tried to…” she clutched at her scarred wrist. 

Nagisa’s expression grew solemn.  “You vanished not long after Shinji told you that Kaji had died, so he blamed himself for your disappearance,” he explained.  His tone was gentle and not accusing, but Asuka inwardly cringed anyway.  “During the time you were missing, Shinji spent the days searching for you, and the nights practicing German cooking.  He wanted to make a special meal for you, to apologize.”

“ **Now playing recorded message,** ” the hedgehog suddenly said in a robotic voice.  Then in Shinji’s voice, the little animal continued, “Asuka, I’m so sorry for making you sad.  When you come back, I’ll make all your favorite foods!  The biggest feast you’ve ever seen!  Please, Asuka.  I’m really, really sorry.  I… I miss you…”  The hedgehog then switched back to the robotic voice as it said, “ **End of recording.  If you would like to receive a transcript of the message you just heard, please send your request to TABRIS Project headquarters.  Thank you for using the Final Messenger hotline.  Have a nice day.** ”  With that, the spiny creature curled up into a ball once more, but this time he kept shrinking and shrinking until he completely disappeared. 

“S-stupid Shinji!” said Asuka, quickly wiping away the damn droplets that had suddenly formed in the corners of her eyes.  True, she had run away after finding out that Kaji was dead.  But that news had been just one more thing in a long string of disasters.  It had never been her intent for Shinji to think that her departure had been all his fault.  “Why does he always have to be such an idiot…”  Her lower lip began to quiver, and she bit it to make it stop. 

“As I said before, Shinji sees you as an important friend.  It is you, not your piloting status, that he cares about,” Nagisa said, holding his hand out to her, “I can take you back to him.  I can take you home.”

Home?  How could that be a comforting thought, when the city was in ruins and Hikari had moved away?  How could that be a comforting thought, when those who remained would be feeling sorry for poor, pathetic Asuka?  “Enough!” she shouted, “I don’t need anybody’s pity!  I don’t need anybody trying to cheer me up!”  _I don’t deserve it._   To her surprise, a barbed wire fence suddenly materialized out of the darkness, forming a protective ring around her while Nagisa was left outside.  “Hey, what is this?” she said, so taken aback that she momentarily forgot her anger. 

Nagisa appeared as nonchalant as ever.  “Is it truly that astonishing, considering that we are inside your mind?” he said, “Those puppet strings that bound you before must have prevented you from controlling anything in this dream, but now that you have been cut free of them…”

Controlling the dream?  Perfect!  Focusing her concentration, she made the tangle of barbed wires thicker and higher, until they formed a solid spiky dome to keep Nagisa out.  “Thanks for the helpful hint, sucker,” she whispered.  If she waited long enough, hopefully he would finally give up and leave.  Remaining seated on the floor, she pulled her legs close to her chest so that she could rest her forehead on her knees.  She sighed, but it turned into a yawn.  Without the hedgehog to distract her, the feelings of deep fatigue settled in once more.  If she fell asleep while inside a coma dream, would she fade away forever?  As her eyelids grew heavier, she found herself hoping that would be the case…

She was startled out of her drowsy state by an odd _poof_ sound, and she gasped upon realizing that the barbed walls of her shelter had been transformed into cotton candy, just like Mama used to give her in the good old days.  “What the… mmf!” she said, as the spun sugar collapsed into a soft and sticky pile right on top of her. 

Nagisa pulled her out of the pastel-colored mess, before scooping a handful of the sugary fluff off the floor and proceeding to eat it.  “Delicious!” he said, “An edible cloud.  How fanciful, to imagine eating a piece of the sky!  Such a creative food must be one of the crowning achievements of the Lilin culture.”

“Do you think you’re funny?” said Asuka, shaking bits of the candy floss out of her hair, “I’m not going back!  I hate Stupid Shinji!  I hate Misato!  I hate the First!”  _But I hate myself most of all._   This time she surrounded herself with a wall of fire.  The orange and scarlet flames soared high into the air, eager to roast any bothersome Angels who dared to try flying over them. 

But it turned out that no flights would be necessary, as a sizable portion of the blaze suddenly dissolved into nothing more than a few wisps of steam.  The culprit was a tiny green watering can, floating through the air and extinguishing the flames while Asuka watched in dismay.  Strangely, it looked a lot like the watering can she had played with as a child, when helping Mama with gardening.  Nagisa also observed the proceedings, casually humming _An die Freude_ as an impossibly huge amount of water continued to pour from the little can.  Within minutes, not a single spark of fire remained. 

“No!” Asuka shouted, “I don’t need Stupid Shinji, or anybody else!”  _Yes, I do.  But I’m not worth saving._

An entire fortress sprang up around her, made of thick stone walls without any windows or doors.  The massive structure enveloped her in heavy darkness with the finality of a tomb. 

“Finally,” she said, nearly collapsing from the weariness that began to consume her again. 

_Squeak!_  

A tiny hole appeared in one of the stone walls. 

_Squeak, squeak!_  

The hole became larger. 

This time, the meddlesome object floating in the air was a toy hammer made of rubber, another beloved plaything from Asuka’s childhood.  Every time it struck the stone, the silly toy made squeaking noises as it inexplicably caused the fortress to crumble.  As the hammer continued its work, Nagisa put his face through one of the holes in the wreckage and said to her, “Here’s Johnny!”

Asuka was not impressed.  “That’s a lame joke, even for you,” she said. 

“Joke?” said Nagisa, blinking in surprise.  “So that is not the proper way to greet someone in this scenario?  Alas, another failure.  Perhaps video clips on YouTube are no more useful than TV Tropes for learning about Lilin behavior.”

Good grief, there was absolutely no way of predicting where conversations with this guy would end up going.  At times he would sound reasonably intelligent, even a little poetic, but then the next second he would say something utterly clueless.  Asuka’s head was starting to ache from all this madness.  But judging from the context, she was at least able to guess that _Lilin_ must be the Angel word for _human_.  “An Angel watching YouTube videos?  Really?” she said. 

“Well, at first I tried to study lolcats, but all that taught me was how to make an enormous amount of spelling mistakez… er, mistakes.”

The last remnants of the fortress disintegrated into piles of dust, and Asuka found herself wishing that she could disintegrate as well, but by now she knew better than to attempt such a feat.  Nagisa would probably just find a way to superglue her back together or something.  “Why?” she demanded, “Why do you keep using your freaky Angel powers to break through my defenses?  I thought you said that you weren’t going to mess around in my mind without permission!”

Nagisa blinked in surprise yet again.  “Soryu, you are mistaken.  Those were not my powers.  They were yours.”

“What?  _My_ powers?”  Yep, this discussion was getting more preposterous by the second. 

“We are inside your mind, so we are abiding by your rules,” Nagisa stated matter-of-factly.  “I have the strength to override that and simply pull you out of the coma right away, but I will not, because nothing will truly change unless you act of your own free will.  That is why I asked for permission before entering your mind to fly you away from that doll-filled campus.  I will not use my abilities to force you into anything.  The crumbling of your defenses has not been because of me, but because of a voice deep down inside you that has been pleading for help.”

Did this guy have any idea how absurd he sounded?  “There is nothing inside me that’s pleading for help!” Asuka sneered. 

“You keep trying to forget her.  However, she is a part of you, and therefore can never be completely left behind.”

Behind?  Turning around, Asuka was astounded to see a little girl standing there.  Not just any little girl, but herself at an earlier age, crying while clutching a plush monkey. 

“If only I had been a better kid, then Mama wouldn’t have stopped loving me!” her younger self sobbed.  She was speaking to the stuffed toy as if it were her only friend in the world, even as her hands gripped the monkey so tightly that it would have been painful for a real living creature.  “Mama would have looked at me, instead of that doll!  I wasn’t good enough.  If only I had been perfect… _Why can’t I be perfect?!_ ”  As her voice rose to a near-hysterical shout during the last sentence, she tore the plush toy open, throwing it to the floor as stuffing spilled from its gaping wound.  

Asuka shuddered at her young counterpart’s dramatic behavior.  With her secret weaknesses on display like this, it felt to Asuka as if she herself had been torn open, and now her hidden soft stuffing was exposed for Nagisa to savor like cotton candy. 

However, the Angel did not look the least bit gleeful over his statement being proven correct, and despite his frequent bouts of cluelessness it seemed that even he was able to understand her discomfort at having him witness such an unpleasant childhood memory.  He respectfully turned away from the little girl and the eviscerated monkey, looking solely and sympathetically at Asuka as that strange motherly feeling radiated from him once again.  “How sad, for one heart to bear so much pain alone.  You hate yourself, don’t you?” he said quietly to her, “That is why you push others away.  In a sense, you are not much different from Shinji, although he chooses to hide rather than push.  Both of you don’t realize just how strong you truly are, and just how beautiful your souls are.”

Asuka laughed bitterly.  “Strong?  No, you said it yourself: I’ve actually been crying for help.”  While smothering those cries so thoroughly that even she herself had forgotten about them.  And keeping people at bay so that they wouldn’t be able to help even if they knew what was wrong.  “I’m pathetic.  Go on, just say it already.”

“Everyone requires help sometimes, even strong people.”  Nagisa lowered his eyes and trembled slightly.  “My own mistake was trying to make Shinji happy all by myself, only to fail over and over.  If it had not been for Rei’s intervention this morning, tragedy would have struck once again.  If anything, Rei and Shinji saved _me_.”

So he was on a first name basis with the Commander’s doll, too.  Exactly how much had Asuka missed?  Nagisa kept talking about Shinji as if they had been best friends for ages.  “How long have you known Stupid Shinji, anyway?”

“In this lifetime, I met him yesterday.”

Yesterday?!  _This_ lifetime?  “What the f… f-forget about it,” she said, deciding it was easier to focus on something that wasn’t so crazy.  Slowly, as if afraid of startling the little girl, Asuka approached her crying younger self.  “It’s okay,” she said, kneeling in front of the child and hugging her tightly, “Nobody can really be perfect.  Only dolls are perfect, and you don’t want to be a doll, right?  I’m sorry for ignoring you.”  _Ignoring you like Mama ignored me… ignored us._   “We may be imperfect, but at least we’ll be imperfect together!”  It seemed unnatural to embrace her vulnerabilities instead of rejecting them, to acknowledge her faults instead of denying them.  So why did she feel better, and lighter?  It was as if a large weight that had been pressing down on her had finally been lifted, and now she could breathe freely.  Could it be that in denying a part of herself, she had been burying herself alive? 

The young girl disappeared, but Asuka knew from the tingling in her heart that she wasn’t really gone.  She was just back where she belonged.  Asuka was whole again. 

“You truly _are_ worthy of love,” Nagisa said with a smile. 

“You truly _are_ a pain in the ass,” Asuka joked, with a tired but grateful half-smile. 

But the Angel simply tilted his head in confusion.  “Soryu, I have never met your donkey, let alone caused him any pain.”

Asuka’s little half-smile broke into a large grin, as she struggled not to laugh.  _This must be the one guy on the whole planet who’s an even bigger doofus than Stupid Shinji._   “Okay, so what do we do now, genius?”

“Oh, just ‘Kaworu’ is fine,” he said.  Asuka wasn’t sure if he was kidding, or if he really was unaware of the fact that her use of the word _genius_ had been sarcastic.  “As for what we do now…”

A spotlight broke through the darkness, shining down upon a large and familiar red shape. 

“My Eva?” said Asuka, “But why?  You said that you were the last Angel.”

“It is clear that you need proper closure,” said Nagisa – okay, _Kaworu_ – as he gestured towards Unit-02, “I am just a guide here.  Your Evangelion is far better qualified to let you know that you are loved, and that you do indeed deserve that love.”

“That robot?  That giant toy?”

“Toy?  She is no mere robot.  You must open your heart to her.”

The First Child had said the same thing.  “Not this again,” Asuka groaned, “Besides, that’s not even the genuine Unit-02, right?  This is all just a dream or something inside my mind.  It’s not like I can really sync with the Eva from here.”

“Actually, you can.  Unit-02 was born from Adam, so I can establish a temporary link for you through the TABRIS network.”

Asuka had no idea what that meant, and she didn’t feel like adding to her headache by asking.  “Fine, let’s get this over with,” she sighed, as she walked closer to her Evangelion, “But if it doesn’t work, then… _Mein Gott!_ ”  That startled exclamation at the end was because Asuka could now see that Unit-02 looked rather battered in places, and there was even a huge Band-Aid on the Eva’s head.  A huge Hello Kitty Band-Aid.  (Never let it be said that Sanrio ever misses out on a merchandising opportunity.)  “What the hell happened?”

Kaworu stared down at his feet, looking rather abashed.  “I hijacked the Eva and dueled with Shinji all the way down to Terminal Dogma.”

“You did _what_?  With _my_ Eva?!”

Looking back up at her, the Angel nodded enthusiastically.  “Yes, that’s it!  Think lots of loving, protective thoughts for your Eva!”

Asuka glowered at him.  “If this doesn’t work, I am totally kicking your ass.  And I don’t mean your donkey.”

* * *

Except for the low beeping of the hospital equipment that monitored Asuka, the room had been quite silent for the past while.  So when a loud knock at the door suddenly shattered the tranquility, Shinji was startled to the point of jumping out of his seat and almost stepping on Lazarus’ tail. 

Fortunately, he managed to avoid injuring the kitten. 

Unfortunately, he landed on a rubber mouse instead, one of the cat toys that they had borrowed from Ritsuko’s storerooms.  With the efficiency of a banana peel, the toy caused Shinji to slip and fall with a _squeak-aaaahhhh-thud_ worthy of a children’s cartoon. 

“Ow,” he said, grimacing at the troublesome plaything that had caused his surprise visit to the floor, “That felt like dance training with Asuka all over again… except without the embarrassing outfit, thank goodness.”  _But I would gladly wear those stupid clothes for a whole year if it would bring you back, Asuka_ , he thought, glancing worriedly at his comatose friend on the bed. 

“Shinji, there is someone at the door,” Rei reminded him in a whisper, as she helped him to stand. 

Sure enough, they heard another knock.  “Shinji?  Are you okay in there?  I need to talk to you.”  That was Misato’s voice. 

“Uh, just a minute!” he said.  Shinji and Rei hastily grabbed the still sleeping Kaworu and hid him under Asuka’s bed, pulling the sheets down a little to make sure he wasn’t visible.  Once that was done, Shinji unlocked the door and opened it just wide enough so that he could slip out of the room, immediately closing it again behind him.  “Hi, Misato,” he said, praying that he didn’t sound too nervous. 

“I know this day has been rough on you, Shinji,” Misato said soothingly, “I just need you to answer one question for me, so I can add it to my report.  Is that okay?”

“Oh.  Um, sure, that’s okay.”

“Remind me again… How did the Seventeenth Angel die?”

Shinji did his best to look sad.  “I had to crush him in Unit-01’s hand.”

“Really?” said Misato, crossing her arms.  She stared down at Shinji with a gaze so intense that it probably would have melted the Antarctic ice sheet faster than Second Impact.  “Well that’s interesting, because I checked Unit-01’s hands, and there’s no blood on either of them.  Care to explain this little miracle to me, Shinji?”

_Aw, crap._  

* * *

“This is a load of crap,” said Asuka, sitting in the entry plug as absolutely nothing happened, “I can’t get this damn Eva to move at all!”  She glared at Kaworu, who was standing outside Unit-02, but he just smiled up at her without saying anything.  Probably just as well, because she didn’t want to hear him repeating that nonsense about opening her heart to the Eva.  It was so ridiculous.  How was she supposed to open her heart to a puppet?  That would be as crazy as Mama loving that damn ragdoll instead of her real daughter…

Just thinking about it made Asuka’s shoulders slump in defeat.  _Even if I know that it’s not possible to be truly perfect, I still wish I could have been good enough for Mama somehow_ , she thought, _Why did I have to be such a disappointment that she went crazy and decided that taking care of a doll was better than looking after me?  I wish Mama hadn’t stopped loving me.  I... I miss her.  I miss her so much!   I just wanted her to be proud of me!_

**_But I am proud of you, darling._ **

That was Mama’s voice!  “W-what the hell?!”

**_Now, Asuka, watch your language._ **

For a split second, the LCL on Asuka’s tongue tasted like soap, as if someone were trying to wash her mouth out.  No way… could it be?  “Mama?  You’re in here?”  Joy ascended in her heart like a sunrise, and her sync rate soared with it.  Asuka didn’t graduate from college by being stupid, so as the Eva flared to life around her, it took just a few seconds for her mind to reinterpret the facts that her much younger self had misunderstood.  It wasn’t that Mama’s obsession with the big robot had made her decide that perfect robots and perfect dolls were better than imperfect Asuka.  It was that Mama’s true self had somehow gotten left behind in the big robot!  “I get it now,” Asuka said triumphantly, as she felt a pair of invisible arms embrace her, “You’ve been in here all this time!  The A.T. Field was your way of protecting me!”

**_That’s right, darling.  I’m so sorry I wasn’t around when you needed me the most._ **

“Are you kidding?” said Asuka, “You’re awesome!  We’ve been a team, defending the world together… this is so cool!  I can say to other people ‘My mother can beat up your mother’ and it would be totally true!”  She giggled at the thought. 

**_Oh, Asuka!  I love you!_ **

“I love you too, Mama!” she replied, whooping in elation as her thoughts caused Unit-02 to do a little victory dance, twirling around and around until Asuka laughed in dizzy delight.  Mama, her _real_ Mama, didn’t want her to die.  Mama loved her, and Asuka no longer needed to be perfect.  She just needed to _be_. 

With that giddy, liberating thought parading through her mind, she knew that she didn’t want to waste another moment lingering in a coma.  She wanted so much to wake up and return to the real world, so she could give her Eva a big hug.  Oh, and she had to make sure the Nerv staff would give Unit-02 a topnotch repair job.  Only the best for Mama! 

“Hey, Special K!” Asuka happily called out to Kaworu through the Eva’s external speakers, “I want to go back now!”

With another of his wide smiles, Kaworu began to glow.  The light from the Angel expanded, filling the dark void that surrounded him, until the shadows completely melted away and revealed a colossal tree.  The immense plant had numerous branches pointing in all directions, and to Asuka’s amazement, each branch had a Kaworu standing upon it.  The multiple Kaworus didn’t all have the same outfit or the same hairstyle, but one thing that they did have in common was… they were applauding her! 

"Congratulations!" the Kaworus said. 

It was weird. 

It was crazy. 

But what the hell, it felt great! 

The Kaworus glowed brighter and brighter, until the only thing Asuka could see was pure light.  And then…

* * *

When Asuka awoke, it instantly became apparent that hugging her Eva would have to wait, because she opened her eyes just in time to see Misato kicking the door down and running into the room with her gun drawn.  Shinji immediately followed her, shouting frantically, “No, Misato!  Stop!”

“Exactly what the hell…” Asuka began to say. 

But she was ignored completely as the First Child, holding a Taser, tried to block Misato’s path… which ended up being unnecessary, because Misato tripped on a rubber mouse and fell to the floor with a _squeak-aaaahhhh-thud_.  A little white kitten, presumably the owner of the toy rodent, gave an oddly apologetic-sounding meow.  Why was there a kitten inside Nerv headquarters? 

“Exactly what the hell is…” said Asuka. 

But this time she was interrupted by Kaworu’s voice coming from somewhere below her, saying, “Unfamiliar ceiling?  Oh wait, these are floor tiles!”  As he began to crawl out from under her bed, he yawned and murmured groggily, “My goodness, how did I end up down here?”

“Exactly what the hell is going…” Asuka tried to say again. 

But Misato just snarled from where she had fallen, grabbing Kaworu and trying to pull him completely away from the shelter of the bed.  Since he was partially covered in Asuka’s blankets, the tugging motion caused Asuka to tumble out of the bed with a startled shriek, and she scrambled to cover herself when she realized that some perverted idiot had dressed her in nothing more than her school blouse and a pair of panties.  Her attempt at modesty wound up dragging along a bunch of hospital equipment that was still attached to her body, adding an IV bag and several other bits of medical junk to the growing tangle of bodies and bed sheets on the floor.  Shinji and the First tried to help, but everybody including the kitten became hopelessly ensnared in the ridiculously expanding ball of chaos, rolling around and around as the mess just got bigger. The only ones who didn’t seem dismayed were the kitten, who purred like it was a game, and Kaworu, who began humming a tune from Katamari Damacy. 

As the rolling bundle of bodies and hospital paraphernalia finally bumped against a wall so that it could move no further, Shinji said, “Asuka!  Oh, Asuka!  I’m so glad you’re okay!”

“Thanks,” Asuka replied.  She could feel her face heating up, probably because it was terribly hot with everyone wrapped tightly together in the blankets like this.  Yeah, that was it.  “Um… hey, Stupid Shinji?”

“Y-yes, Asuka?” Shinji stammered, and it was clear that he felt hot as well. 

“Do you think you could…”

“Y-yes?”

“Do you think you could get your elbow out of my ear?”

“Oh, right!  Sorry!” he said.  As he tried to wiggle away from Asuka a bit, he turned to Misato with a beseeching look and said, “See, Misato?  Kaworu helped Asuka.  He’s not an enemy!”

“Meow!” said the kitten, as if voicing his agreement. 

“What’s with the cat?” Asuka and Misato asked in unison. 

“Oh, that’s Lazarus,” Shinji said, “He died in a past life, but now he’s back.”

Asuka groaned.  “Listen up, everybody, this is what’s going to happen: first, we’re going to get ourselves untangled and find the rest of my clothes.  Next, we’re going to get some waffles from the cafeteria because that’s the best food they make, and I haven’t eaten in goodness knows how long.  After that… you are all going to tell me EXACTLY WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE!”

* * *

Once the meals had been obtained and everyone was gathered in Asuka’s hospital room again, Misato and the First used duct tape to temporarily repair the door for the sake of privacy.  Kaworu tried to help them but Misato warily refused, so the Angel ended up standing to the side and marveling at the tape’s adhesive properties, calling it one of the crowning achievements of the Lilin culture. 

Meanwhile, Asuka eagerly grabbed her tray of food and settled back onto the bed.  Having breakfast in bed (more like a late lunch or early dinner in bed, considering the hour) was less fun when it was in a sterile hospital setting, but she was hungry, damn it.  Lazarus used his tiny claws to climb up the bed sheets, purring as he snuggled against Asuka.  Aww.  The cat had good taste… unlike Kaworu and Shinji, who were dangerously close to ruining her appetite by having a cheesy Best Friends Forever moment. 

“Thank you, Kaworu,” Shinji was saying, interrupting the Angel’s duct tape exploration to give him a hug, “You brought Asuka back, just like you said you would!”

“Anything for you, my friend,” said Kaworu, ruffling Shinji’s hair affectionately, “You’ll come to visit me on Mars, won’t you?  I will make a garden especially for you, with animals that sing, and flowers of every imaginable color: blue, purple, rueoc…”

Shinji beamed.  “I’d love that, Kaworu.  Um, but I don’t think rueoc is a color that humans… er, Lilin… are able to see.”

“Ah.  Well then, I shall have to find a way to make it visible to you someday,” said Kaworu, “It is a color that looks very delicate, and yet it shines with a beautiful light that reveals its hidden strength.  Just like your heart, Shinji.”

Asuka rolled her eyes.  She should have expected as much from a guy who was so enamored with _An die Freude_ , a song about brotherhood and camaraderie, but it was still incredibly sappy.  And Shinji was enjoying it!  Ugh, where was a barf bag when she needed one?  “Hey, Dumb and Dumber, can you two tone it down with the corny friendship stuff?” she grumbled, “I’m trying to eat here!”  And she was not jealous.  Not at all.  Really. 

With a blush and a muttered apology, Shinji turned to his own tray of food.  In accordance with Asuka’s recommendation, he had chosen waffles, as had Misato.  The First, on the other hand, had selected a salad.  As for Kaworu, he had also skipped the waffles, although for some reason he had still picked up some maple syrup. 

The reason why quickly became apparent when Kaworu poured his maple syrup into a glass and began to drink it.  Yuck! 

“What the hell are you doing, _Dummkopf_?” Asuka laughed.   _  
_

“Don’t be mean to him!” Shinji said indignantly, in one of those rare displays of assertiveness that Asuka secretly wished he’d show more often, “Kaworu’s just a little different because he doesn’t know everything about being a Lilin.  So what?  Aren’t we all different?”

She knew what Shinji was implying, but to his credit, he did not specify it out loud.  Asuka sighed.  It was true: when she had first arrived in Japan, the culture shock had been overwhelming at times, plus she had frequently gotten lost because she couldn’t understand the kanji on signs.  While her exotic looks had garnered a lot of admiration at school, her normally excellent grades had taken a dive because she had trouble reading the test questions.  Being acknowledged for her beauty was nice, but she didn’t want to be seen as just a pretty doll.  No, never a doll!  Shinji, the First, and Hikari were the only classmates who hadn’t laughed the time she accidentally went into the janitor’s closet instead of the art room because she hadn’t been able to comprehend the signs.  (Granted, the laughter had quickly stopped once Asuka proceeded to beat the living snot out of the worst offenders, but still!)  And Shinji was the only one who had apparently gone out of his way to learn German recipes in an attempt to make her feel less homesick. 

Yes, Asuka had felt lost upon arriving in Japan.  But for someone like Kaworu, did he always feel like that, no matter what country he was in?  “Here,” she said quietly, passing her maple syrup to him, “You can have mine, too.”

“I thank you for your generosity,” said Kaworu, happily adding the syrup to his glass.  Taking a sip, he added, “Such a delight!  Discovering the delectable properties of tree sap must be one of the crowning achievements of the Lilin culture.”

“Didn’t you just say that duct tape was one of the crowning achievements of the Lilin culture?” Misato pointed out.  

“And before that, you said the same thing to me about cotton candy,” said Asuka. 

“Yesterday, you said that about music,” Shinji added. 

Kaworu shrugged.  “Can I help it that you Lilin do so many wonderful things?” he said, sighing dreamily like a fanboy, “You are capable of such beautiful creations and heartwarming acts of kindness, despite all the hardships and cruelty you encounter.  How can I not find that remarkable?”

_Even though he’s kind of lost all the time, he still loves humanity more than some actual humans do_ , Asuka thought, _He finds joy in everything from music to duct tape, and yet… those wrist scars…_

She was so deep in thought that it caught her by surprise when Shinji suddenly picked up his tray and sat next to her on the bed.  Before she could ask Shinji what the heck he was doing, he transferred the strawberries from his fruit cup onto her plate.  Wow, so he had even noticed that strawberries were her favorite fruit.  “It’s the best I can do for now,” he said, “But when everything is settled down, I’m going to cook a feast for you, like I promised.  You’re a good friend, Asuka.  I… I’m really happy to have you back.”

Asuka could feel her face heating up again.  Damn, the air conditioning in this room must be broken. 

Misato cleared her throat.  “Can we get to some explanations now, please?” she said, tapping her foot in an impatient rhythm. 

With that, everyone settled down to eat their meals while Shinji, Kaworu, and the First took turns telling the story.  As she listened, Asuka raised an eyebrow at the revelation that the First was also an Angel, and when they got to the part about waffles messing up Angel powers, her eyebrow went so high that she was sure it would leave her face and start scraping the ceiling at any moment.  But it did shed some light on why the First looked and acted so weird.  A lot like Kaworu, except their personalities were different.  Apparently, Angelic dispositions could vary as much as human temperaments.  As for some of the other details…

“Whoa, whoa, let me see if I’ve got this straight,” said Asuka, interrupting the story before the craziness swelled to unmanageable proportions, “You’re telling me that the First Child’s soul is Lilith of the Black Moon, the mother of humanity… or the Lilin, whatever.  But you suspect that she has DNA from Yui Ikari, meaning that in addition to being the mother of humanity, she’s also Stupid Shinji’s sister?!”

“Half-sister,” the First said helpfully. 

“Whatever,” said Asuka, rolling her eyes for what felt like the hundredth time that day.  “And as for Special K here,” she added, nodding at Kaworu, “You’re saying that his soul is Adam of the White Moon, the mother of the Angels.  So in addition to being the Seventeenth Angel, he’s also his own mother?!”

“I’m glad you were able to make sense of all that information so rapidly,” Kaworu said cheerfully. 

“Make sense?” Asuka chuckled around a mouthful of strawberries, “You’re telling me all this wackiness is supposed to make sense?”  But at least she finally knew why being held by Kaworu had reminded her of being held by Mama.  It was because his soul really was a mama.  In fact, now that she was paying attention to it, Asuka realized that the First was also exuding a mama aura.  Either her dislike for the strange girl had blinded Asuka to it before, or it was Kaworu’s influence that had awakened that part of the First’s true nature. 

“Well, I heard what I needed to know,” said Misato, and Asuka’s breath caught in her throat as she realized that their commanding officer had drawn her gun once more.  “So,” said Misato, pointing the weapon directly at Kaworu, “You’re not just any Angel; you’re Adam.  The one responsible for Second Impact.  The one who killed billions of people, including my father!  YOU KILLED MY FATHER, YOU PIECE OF SH-“

“-IT ISN’T LIKE THAT, MISATO!” Shinji quickly interrupted.  His tray of food fell to the floor with a cascade of breaking dishes and clattering utensils, as he jumped in front of Kaworu and attempted to shield him from Misato’s line of fire. 

“Move aside, Shinji.  _Now._ ”

“No!  If you want to shoot him, you’ll have to shoot me first!”

Misato grimaced, but she lowered her gun. 

“Calm down,” Shinji pleaded, “Kaworu may have been given Adam’s soul, but he doesn’t have her memories or anything like that.  He’s just… well, he’s just Kaworu.  He had no control over how he was created, any more than you have control over the fact that your parents conceived you at the petting zoo!”

Misato turned beet red.  “How did you know about that?”

“You talk in your sleep.  Loudly.”

“For once, I agree with Stupid Shinji,” said Asuka, “Look, I know that Special K resembles a mutant dandelion, and he’s way too obsessed with _An die Freude_ (although at least he has the sense to admire a German song), and sometimes he talks like he swallowed a magnetic poetry kit.  But he helped me to sync with my Eva again, and he got me out of that coma.  If he were really a bad Angel, it wouldn’t make any sense for him to be _helping_ the Eva pilots.”  Asuka never dreamed that she would ever speak up in defense of an Angel, but it was thanks to Kaworu that she had been reunited with Mama.  She hated owing people, so she was simply repaying the favor now. 

Yeah, that was all.  She didn’t need another friend.  And she sure as heck wasn’t defending him for Stupid Shinji’s sake, either.  Right? 

“If the Angel helped you, then that just makes him even _more_ suspicious!” Misato argued, “It could be a trick.  He might have contaminated you!”

Shaking her head, the First Child took a step forward.  However, she did not bother to raise her Taser.  “I sense no contamination, Major Katsuragi.  Also, I am not cancelling out Kaworu’s A.T. Field at the moment.  If he truly wished to do harm, he could have easily destroyed your gun and killed you six times before you hit the ground.”

Everyone gaped at her. 

The First simply shrugged.  “It’s true, isn’t it?”

Shinji seemed rather embarrassed that he had completely forgotten about the A.T. Field, and yet he maintained his protective stance in front of Kaworu anyway, until the Angel finally placed a hand on his friend’s shoulder to gently nudge him aside. 

“There are no words that can adequately express the guilt and sorrow I feel over all those precious lives that were lost…” Kaworu said to Misato. 

Misato’s eyes widened slightly as she looked at Kaworu’s arm.  “So you thought to do this instead?” she demanded, grabbing the Angel’s hand off Shinji’s shoulder and turning it palm up, so that the scars on his wrist were fully visible. 

Asuka flinched, self-consciously hiding her own damaged wrist under the bedcover. 

“Trying to take the easy way out,” Misato growled, squeezing Kaworu’s arm tightly enough to make his fingers spasm, “Just like my father!  He was the leader of that accursed expedition that woke up the first Angel.  With his knowledge of Adam, who knows how differently the fight against the Angels might have been, if he had survived?  How many lives he could have saved?  But no, he put _me_ into that escape capsule instead, so he could die as atonement for his role in Second Impact.  Redemption through death?  What a load of bull.  If you really want to help us, then _do something_ , damn you!  Don’t just run away!”

_So that’s it,_ Asuka thought, as she realized that Misato’s eyes were bright with moisture, _Her hatred of the Angels isn’t just about revenge for her father.  It’s about survivor’s guilt._   And from the way Kaworu wasn’t using his A.T. Field to break out of Misato’s tight grip, he probably thought that he deserved to be yelled at.  _Special K said that Stupid Shinji and I both hated ourselves, but it looks like he hates himself, too.  I guess it takes one to know one, as the saying goes._  

Self-hatred.  Was that why Kaworu revered humanity so much?  Because he considered himself to be beneath them?  This powerful Angel considered himself to be _beneath_ the Lilin? 

Holy freaking crap, the only one in the room who didn’t have issues was the kitten.  Unless he was a catnip addict, or something. 

“I’m sorry that we made you upset, Misato,” said Shinji, putting his hand on her arm until she finally released Kaworu, “But please, that’s enough.  Kaworu really has been trying to help, over and over again throughout multiple lifetimes, but it hasn’t been easy.  And eventually, he runs out of time and has to die before his Angelic instinct forces him to start Third Impact.  That’s why our best hope is to let Kaworu go to Mars in peace.  He’s not trying to run away; he’s trying to save us all!”

Asuka sighed and rubbed her temples.  “Again with this weird stuff about multiple lifetimes, and stuff about Mars?  Maybe you guys should explain that part of the story next, before any more wrong conclusions are drawn.”  She could only handle so many headaches in one day. 

With that, Shinji, Kaworu, and the First resumed telling the tale.  As it turned out, the most shocking part of the story for Asuka was not the fact that everyone had met before during multiple past lives, with Kaworu being the only one who remembered.  No, the part that really made her straighten up and pay rapt attention was the information about the group known as Seele. 

“They were the ones who planned for Second Impact to happen, in order to pursue their mad dreams of godhood,” said Kaworu, “To make matters worse, they wish to complete their goals by setting off a Third Impact.  And they were also the ones who killed Ryoji Kaji, when they decided that he was getting too close to the truth.”

Misato’s fists were clenched at her sides, and her face had hardened into a look of barely restrained fury.  Asuka didn’t need a mirror to know that her own features probably looked very similar at that moment. 

“Seele and… Commander Ikari… both seek to exploit Adam and Lilith’s powers for their own gain,” the First added, holding herself with a downcast expression as she mentioned the Commander’s name, “The Seeds of Life were essentially meant to be goddesses of creation, not killers.  Those who have sought to abuse their potential must be stopped once and for all.”

In stark contrast to the First’s sad countenance, Shinji wore an angry scowl upon hearing about his father.  “These madmen can’t fulfill their crazy prophecy unless all the Angels are dead.  Did I get that right, Rei?” he asked.  Upon receiving her nod of agreement, he continued, “So if we send Kaworu and Adam to Mars, we’ll put a stop to their plans while also letting the Angels have a new home.  It’s the least we can do, considering that Earth was supposed to be the Angels’ planet in the first place.  And that’s pretty much the whole story.  Unless you have anything else to add, Kaworu?  Uh, Kaworu?”

Everyone stared at the Angel, whose head was tilted limply to one side as if he had fallen asleep standing up.  However, his eyes were still open, and his crimson irises were emitting a peculiar glow. 

“Kaworu?” Shinji said worriedly, waving his hand in front of Kaworu’s face. 

“A reboot is required in order for the updates to take effect,” Kaworu said in an emotionless tone. 

What the hell?  “Come on, Special K, snap out of it!” said Asuka, shouting in an effort to hide the fact that she was worried, too.  Judging from everyone’s perplexed expressions, she was pretty sure that none of them knew how to reboot an Angel brain.  Damn, what were they supposed to do now? 

Hmm, well if Kaworu’s conscious mind was currently in la-la land, then maybe they needed to trigger something that was automatic, like a reflex?  But which reflex should… oh, of course!  Pushing her meal tray aside, Asuka sprang from the bed and approached Kaworu.  “One reboot, coming right up,” she said, as she wrapped her hands around his neck and squeezed. 

“Asuka!” Shinji cried out in horror, “What are you doing?  Stop!”

“Trust me,” she replied, not letting go. 

A few seconds later, Kaworu burst out laughing.  “That tickles!” he exclaimed, as his eyes returned to normal. 

Asuka let go of his throat with a self-satisfied smirk, while Shinji just looked about ready to faint. 

“What was _that_ all about?” said Misato, looking at Kaworu as if he had just grown a second head. 

“An update from the TABRIS network,” said Kaworu, his voice reduced to an awed whisper, “After so many incarnations, I can hardly believe it… Thank you, Rei and Shinji.  By saving me this morning, it turns out that you’ve bought us the time that we needed.”

“Time for what?” asked the First. 

“The TABRIS Project,” Kaworu replied, beginning to pace the room excitedly, “Countless Kaworu Nagisas have spent countless lifetimes collecting data for this mission.  At long last, we’re almost ready.  This plan will enable us to thwart Seele once and for all!”

Everyone stared at Kaworu as if he’d just grown three heads. 

“Um, Kaworu?” said Shinji, “I thought that sending you and Adam to Mars was going to thwart Seele.”

“That is my wish as well, but those men are obsessive and powerful,” said Kaworu, “They have managed to outmaneuver many of my past incarnations.  What if they find a way to disrupt the Mars mission?  Or even if the Mars mission were to succeed, they may decide to harm you all, out of petty revenge.  No, I would feel much better knowing that measures were in place to help you before I leave.  With the TABRIS Project so near completion, it could actually be possible.  It shall be my parting gift to you, Shinji: arming the Lilin with the greatest weapon to battle Seele’s reign of terror and despair.”

Asuka leaned in closer.  “What weapon is that?”

“Hope.” said Kaworu with a mysterious smile. 

Misato hmm’d thoughtfully, her lips thinning into a worried line.  “You’re forgetting something here,” she told Kaworu, “Most of Nerv thinks you’re dead, remember?  That means Seele thinks so, too.  You said this TABRIS Project is only _near_ completion.  How much time do we have before Seele tries to fulfill their prophecy?  Is it enough time to finish this Project of yours?”

Kaworu turned several shades paler, giving his already light complexion a translucency that made him appear fragile.  “If that is the case, they will probably strike tomorrow.  I should be able to finish sometime tomorrow as well, but… most likely it will be necessary to stall Seele’s forces in order for me to do so.”

“I’ll help you, Kaworu!” said Shinji, putting a protective arm around his friend, “No way am I letting you deal with Seele alone, not when you’re finally so close to finding your own happiness for once.”

“I will assist you as well,” said the First, “I promised that I would keep you safe until you could go to Mars.”

Misato gazed silently at Kaworu for several moments, her eyes briefly flicking to his wrist before looking up to meet his face again.  “If this will allow us to protect humanity, and to stick it to those bastards who killed Kaji, then count me in,” she said at last. 

“Count me in, too,” said Asuka, picking up Lazarus and stroking his fur so he wouldn’t feel left out.  Those Seele creeps had set off Second Impact on purpose, killing heaven knew how many people, and they still wanted to kill everyone else?  Not on her watch!  _And they killed Kaji!_  

If she had to chase those evil men to the ends of the Earth in her Eva, then so be it.  _Looks like we’re not done yet, Mama.  We’ll teach them not to mess with humanity!_   Yes, she was going to fight for all the children who had lost their parents, and all the parents who had lost their children.  She was going to do this for all the mamas, and papas, and children who were still trying to live on this planet, who deserved that chance to endure.  She was gonna beat those Seele guys so hard, their freaking past lives would feel it! 

Asuka Langley Soryu was going to give them hell. 

TO BE CONTINUED

Next chapter: Our heroes make preparations for the battle against Seele. But will it be enough? Don’t miss Chapter 3 of The Happy Red Planet, “Sufficient Direction?”

There will be fan service, too!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you’re wondering why this chapter had a reference to midichlorians, take a look at Volume 6 of the Neon Genesis Evangelion manga by Yoshiyuki Sadamoto. During the part when Misato finds out that Toji is the Fourth Child, his profile is shown, and it includes a midichlorian count! I guess Eva pilots are Force-sensitive. Heh. Even though this fan fic is based on the original anime continuity and not the manga, I just couldn’t resist sneaking in a little joke about it. 
> 
> Special thanks go to my beta readers, AleeN and Laryna6. And of course, I’m thankful to all of you for reading this story! Feedback would be greatly appreciated, and I hope to see you again next time! 
> 
> -Literary Eagle, 2013


	3. Sufficient Direction?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back, everyone! Special thanks go to my beta readers, AleeN and Laryna6, for all of their valuable suggestions that went into the making of this chapter. I also have to thank Rulani, Ivi, and np for the wonderful illustrations and comics they have drawn for the story so far, and I can’t wait to see what kind of artwork comes up next! And of course, I’m grateful to all of you for reading this story, especially those of you who gave me helpful feedback. Rock on! 
> 
> Legal disclaimer (to keep my imaginary lawyer happy): I don’t own Neon Genesis Evangelion. It belongs to Hideaki Anno and Gainax/Khara.

Shinji Ikari’s life sure was complicated.

His roommates were a child prodigy from overseas and a purple-haired lady with a pet penguin, and yet that was actually the most ordinary part of his situation! His half-sister Rei was the mother of the Lilin, and his best friend Kaworu was somehow the first Angel and the last Angel combined into one fabulous package. Oh yeah, and apparently they’d all met before throughout multiple past lives, but Kaworu was the only one who remembered. And now they were trying to take down a fiendish global conspiracy all by themselves. Pretty much the only thing missing from Shinji’s life was an evil twin, and then the soap opera would be complete.

Yep, it was all pretty complicated.

So why, oh why, did the universe think it was a good idea to drop yet another shocking revelation into Shinji’s lap?

Shinji had entered Unit-01 to converse with his mother, just like Asuka was currently talking with her mother in the hastily repaired Unit-02. It wasn’t the first time Shinji had established contact with his Evangelion’s resident soul (the mishaps with the Twelfth and Fourteenth Angels had seen to that), but even still this was no preparation for what Mother had just told him.

Mother hadn’t been absorbed into Unit-01 by accident.

She had planned the whole thing. She had vanished into the Eva on purpose.

**_Sweetie, please understand that I’m doing this for the greater good._ **

“I know, Mother,” Shinji said morosely. The sound of Mother’s voice echoing in the entry plug should have been comforting, but at the moment he couldn’t help feeling a little betrayed.

**_I knew that the only way to stop Seele was to take them down from the inside._ ** **Really _inside._**

“I know, Mother.”

**_All of humanity is in danger, and this was the best I could do._ **

“I know, Mother.”

**_And behind closed doors, your father likes to cuddle a big teddy bear that he calls Mr. Snugglepoo._ **

“I know, Mother.”

**_No, he doesn’t! I knew it; you’re not really listening to me!_ **

Shinji gulped nervously, an action that he soon regretted because he was immersed in LCL. Ew, yuck. “S-sorry, Mother! It’s just… a lot to take in, you know?”

An invisible pair of warm arms wrapped around him. **_It’s going to be okay, sweetie._**

Shinji sure hoped so.

* * *

“See you later, Mama!” said Asuka, as she climbed out of Unit-02’s entry plug. Gently wringing LCL out of her hair while she exited the Eva cage, she set off in search of Kaworu and the First Child. She really wanted to stay and catch up with Mama some more, but this was important. It was thanks to Kaworu that she had discovered Unit-02’s true identity, and she hated owing people, so she had to repay the favor.

Granted, she had spoken up in Kaworu’s defense when Misato had tried to shoot him. But considering that the guy had an A.T. Field that would have protected him anyway, it didn’t seem like a worthy exchange for being reunited with her beloved Mama. No, Kaworu had done her a very big favor, so she needed to accomplish a very big repayment…

By knocking some sense into him.

Arriving at the empty storeroom that Kaworu and the First were using as an improvised training area, she was greeted by the sight of the two humanoid Angels jumping up and down on orange trampolines. Kaworu was laughing and doing somersaults every time he sprang into the air, while the First Child had a small smile on her face as she did similar gymnastics. Kaworu’s shirt had become partially untucked from the activity, while the First had at least shown enough sense to change into her plugsuit.

“Hey, Special K!” Asuka called out to the bouncing Kaworu, “I thought that you were helping the First with practicing her Angel powers, not playing around!”

“This _is_ practicing,” Kaworu replied cheerfully, pointing down towards his trampoline.

Moving in for a closer look, Asuka realized that the two trampolines were in fact A.T. Fields. Huh. Who knew that the light of the soul could make such a convincing _boing_ sound? “Isn’t this kind of pointless, though? Both of you can fly, so when would you ever need to do this?”

“It has not yet been a full 48 hours since I consumed those waffles,” the First explained, “So there is a risk that my powers may still be somewhat unpredictable. Kaworu thought it would be prudent to test other methods of propulsion, in case my ability to fly were to suddenly cease functioning.”

“Makes sense,” Asuka conceded, nodding, “If we really have been screwing up throughout multiple past lives, then we’ve got to do what it takes to get it right this time. Which reminds me, Special K, we need to talk.”

“What is it, Soryu?” said Kaworu, his A.T. Field disappearing as he made a graceful landing in front of her.

Placing her hands onto Kaworu’s shoulders, Asuka gently but firmly pushed him until his back was against the wall. “I wanted to give you some advice,” she said, grasping the untucked portion of his shirt and correcting the minor wardrobe malfunction while she spoke, “You said that you’ve died countless times trying to make Stupid Shinji happy, right? And every time you die, it completely breaks him and everything goes to hell, right? So if you truly want to make your friend happy, then here’s a simple solution: _don’t die_ , you moron!” As her voice rose into a shout for that last part, she grabbed him by the shirt collar and pulled him close to her face, inadvertently causing the garment to become untucked again. With a growl, she let go of the collar and rearranged his clothing once more, her hands beginning to tremble as she added, “If this really is the closest we’ve ever come to getting things right, then you’d better not screw up! Because if you die again… if you make Stupid Shinji fall into despair again… then so help me, in the next life I-I’m going track you down and… and…”

Unable to continue voicing that train of thought due to the lump that had suddenly formed in her throat, Asuka opted for a practical demonstration by slamming her fist against the wall, mere inches from Kaworu’s ear. Damn it, this speech had gone so much better when she’d rehearsed it in her head. Why was she suddenly so upset over the thought of Shinji being sad? Since when did she care what that annoying idiot was feeling?

Several locks of Asuka’s hair came loose and slid in front of her face, and she felt like batting them away in irritation. But somehow their bothersome presence made her think of dumb Shinji even more, and she couldn’t move.

It was Kaworu who finally gathered the wayward tresses with his gentle fingers, tucking the strands behind her ear so that they were no longer in sight, but could still be felt. Like how Shinji would try to stay out of her way when she was in a bad mood, but his presence could still be detected in the delicious meals he left on the table for her, and the way he kept their apartment so clean. For a second she imagined that there was a tiny Shinji tucked behind her ear and tried to laugh, but with that damn lump in her throat, it came out sounding more like a hiccup.

“Soryu?” said Kaworu, “Are you all right?”

“It’s _Asuka_ , okay?” she replied, after taking a few deep breaths so she could speak properly once more, “You reunited me with Mama and saved me from that coma, so you get to call me ‘Asuka’, and I get to call you ‘Special K’! That’s how these things work, dummy. Because I’ve decided that we’re friends now!” Her fist banged the wall again, even closer to Kaworu’s head than the first time.

“Friends. Yes, I can… clearly see that,” Kaworu said slowly, looking over at Asuka’s fist before making eye contact with her again, “I’m so sorry, Asuka. The mistakes I made in my first lifetime caused Shinji such pain that I thought it was my responsibility to fix everything on my own. But there’s no shame in asking for assistance. I know that now. Instead of spending so many lifetimes trying to make Shinji happy by myself, I should have asked you and Rei for help much sooner.”

Asuka managed a smile. “Damn right,” she said, “You can’t have victory without the great Asuka Langley Soryu!”

“Indeed,” said Kaworu, smiling back, “And rest assured that I will do my best to survive this time. Shinji has already stated that he does not want me to die again, and I do not wish to cause him any more pain. Because he is my dearest friend, and I love him, as you do.”

“And as I do,” said the First, her A.T. Field trampoline disappearing as she landed beside them.

“D-don’t be absurd,” Asuka muttered, grimacing as she felt her face grow warmer. Seeing Kaworu’s knowing grin, she said, “Wipe that smile off your face, Special K! I’m just feeling hot because… because the air conditioner must be broken again. Nothing in this damn headquarters ever works properly!”

Kaworu didn’t look very convinced, but he stopped smirking anyway. “I’m sorry, it wasn’t my business to say something like that. But at least allow me to say this: In nearly every lifetime, part of the reason why Shinji completely breaks after my death is because he feels as if he has no one else left. So you must survive as well, Asuka. Seele’s Mass Production Evas are dangerous. Do not underestimate them. Please, I need you and Rei to be there for Shinji, so even if something should happen to me, at least he will not feel alone this time.”

The First Child nodded. “Yes, we must all endeavor to survive the trials ahead,” she said, extending her hand to them, “For Shinji.”

“For Shinji,” Kaworu repeated, placing his hand on top of the First’s. He tucked his other hand, the one with the wrist scars, into his pocket.

Asuka couldn’t help but glance at her own scarred wrist, although of course the skin was hidden by her plugsuit. “All right,” she said, as she reached over and added her hand on top of Kaworu’s and the First’s. “Fine. Now let’s knock it off with the sappy talk and just survive this thing.”

* * *

**_Don’t look so sad, sweetie_** , Shinji’s mother said to him, ** _After all, you have lots of wonderful people in your life._**

Right on cue, Asuka, Rei, and Kaworu dashed onto the umbilical bridge in front of Unit-01. They all looked up at Shinji’s Eva and waved.

**_My, what an attractive trio. Are they all your girlfriends, Shinji?_ **

Certain that his cheeks were turning red, Shinji buried his face in his hands and uttered the traditional motto of many embarrassed teenagers, “Motherrrrrrrr…”

**_What? I wouldn’t mind having lots of grandchildren someday! That girl on the right has such a nice, big smile. Imagine her lavender-gray hair and your blue eyes on a baby!_ **

“Uh, Mother? Kaworu is a boy.” Well, Kaworu’s soul had once been Adam, the mother of the Angels… so technically he was a female’s soul placed into a male body? But Kaworu seemed perfectly happy to call himself a boy, and Shinji wanted to respect that. Of course, if Kaworu decided to start using different terminology, Shinji would respect that as well.

**_So you have two girlfriends and a boyfriend? What an impressive harem! You make me so proud, Shinji!_ **

“Oh, thanks… er, I mean, NO! Mother, these people are my friends. Please don’t talk about them like they’re a harem, or breeding stock,” said Shinji, shaking his head in pure disbelief at where this conversation had gone. He was sure that by now his face must look redder than Asuka’s plugsuit. Her sexy, skintight plugsuit… augh, stupid hormones! “Look, I’m too young to think about stuff like m-m-marriage and b-babies, okay?” And even if he were to marry one of them, having babies the old-fashioned way would be highly unlikely: Asuka always complained during a certain time of the month that she never wanted to get pregnant, and Rei said that she was unable to conceive because clones were sterile, and Kaworu’s current body didn’t have a uterus. Not that any of those things mattered to Shinji. It didn’t bother him that he might never have children, especially because the thought of being a parent made him nervous. What if he turned out to be terrible at it, like Father? But he knew better than to say that to Mother.

Too bad he forgot that they were mentally connected when he was inside the Eva.

**_Sweetie, don’t be so negative! I’m sure you would make a great father. Asuka could always adopt children, and as for Rei and Kaworu, I can smell their Seed of Life powers from here… yes, Rei is the mother of humanity, so I could consider all the residents of Earth as my grandchildren. And Kaworu is going to create life on Mars? Yesssssss, two whole planets of loyal grandchildren to rend the flesh and spill the blood of anyone who dares to oppose me…_ **

“Um, Mother, you’re doing that bloodlust thing again.”

**_Oops! Sorry, sweetie. Being trapped in the body of a barely-restrained ferocious beast can mess with my mind sometimes. Tee hee!_ **

Shinji shuddered. Somehow the “tee hee” had been even scarier than the bloodthirsty talk.

**_I’m sorry if it seems like I’m trying to push you too fast, Shinji. I just want you to be happy, all right? It would be wonderful if someday you could have a big family to surround you with warmth, and love, and bloodshed… sweet, sweet bloodshed…_ **

“Mother, you’re doing that thing again.”

**_Whoopsie! Sorry._ **

“Anyway, they’re already like a family to me, Mother,” Shinji explained, praying she would understand, “They are all very good friends of mine, and each of them is special to me in their own way. For now, that’s enough. I’m too young to think about anything else.”

**_Yes, you’re right. You’re only 14 years old, so you still have time._ **

“Thanks, Mother.”

**_So instead, you can make them your harem when you turn 15!_ **

At that point, Shinji knew there was only one thing left to do.

**_What the… Shinji, stop banging your head against the wall of the entry plug!_ **

* * *

“Come on, Stupid Shinji! Get your butt out here!” Asuka called, as she and her companions waved up at Unit-01. “We’ve got planning to do!” Why did that guy have to be such a slowpoke at a time like this?

At last, Shinji’s entry plug emerged from the purple Eva, and the boy stumbled out.

Speaking of slowpokes, Misato finally arrived at the Eva cage just then, carrying Lazarus the kitten. The little feline meowed a greeting and leapt from Misato’s arms, landing on Shinji’s shoulder and nuzzling his cheek.

“Shinji, why do you have a bump here?” Misato asked, prodding carefully at the top of his head.

“Ow!” Shinji hissed, leaning slightly back, “Let’s just say that you shouldn’t mention the idea of grandchildren to my mother. Ever.”

Asuka could feel her face getting warmer again, but she quickly turned away and cleared her throat. “What were you even doing in there? Didn’t you do enough catching up when you were stuck inside your Eva for a month after the Fourteenth Angel?” Okay, maybe she was a little bit jealous that Shinji had been able to reunite with his mama sooner. But mostly she was just struck with the realization that they had a very similar mama situation, and she wasn’t sure how to feel about having something like that in common with Shinji, of all people.

This time it was Shinji’s turn to blush as he murmured, “I wanted to ask Mother for help with protecting Kaworu. We probably have just a few hours left before Seele attacks, right?”

Apparently, awkwardness was being passed among the Eva pilots like a baton in a relay race, because that seemed to be Kaworu’s cue to shift uncomfortably as he said, “Oh. I’m sorry, I should have mentioned this sooner, but… Shinji, you will not be piloting Unit-01.”

Everyone turned to stare at Kaworu, including Unit-01 herself.

“This Evangelion contains both the Fruit of Knowledge and the Fruit of Life,” Kaworu elaborated, stepping back with uncharacteristic shyness as the Eva seemed to wink at him, “That means Seele will seek to use her as part of their ceremony to initiate Third Impact.”

“I see,” said the First Child, “So if we were to deploy Unit-01, we would be playing right into Seele’s hands.”

Kaworu nodded. “That is why the safest course of action is to keep her hidden inside Nerv headquarters for as long as possible.”

“But Kaworu, how can I protect you without my Eva?” said Shinji, wringing his hands, “If I don’t pilot, I’m… useless.”

“No, you’re not!” said Asuka. She smacked Shinji upside the head, although she was careful to avoid the bump there as she did so. “Don’t you ever, EVER say stuff like that about yourself!” Saying that he was worthless unless he piloted an Eva… it was so infuriating, because it reminded her too much of the way she had been. The way she had been when she had nearly killed herself.

For a moment she imagined what would have happened if it had been Shinji sitting in that damaged bathtub instead of her, slicing at his wrist with pieces of a broken mirror… and damn it she could feel that lump in her throat returning. With a shaky breath that she tried to disguise as a sound of frustration, she began fixing Shinji’s hair where her strike had mussed it up.

“She has a point, Shinji,” said Kaworu, pulling a comb out of his pocket and helping Asuka to smooth Shinji’s hair, “You are most definitely not useless. There are other ways you can help me, and your entire world as well.”

Lazarus must have been inspired by Asuka and Kaworu’s shared attempt at grooming Shinji, for he hopped onto the First’s shoulder and began gently pawing at her hair. Kaworu chuckled at the sight, before looking over at Misato and saying, “Before we do anything, though, we need to ensure that the Magi will be protected from any of Seele’s hacking attempts, or all our plans will be for naught.”

“Right,” said Misato, “I know just the person for that.”

* * *

Dr. Ritsuko Akagi sat alone in her small, dark cell. Alone, that is, except for the all the past misdeeds that slithered through her mind, mocking her relentlessly. She was supposed to be a genius, a rising star in the world of science, so how had she managed to sink so low? By falling in love with none other than that horrible Gendo Ikari and helping him with his ruthless schemes, of course. She was as foolish as her mother had been… no, even worse, because she clearly hadn’t learned a thing from her mother’s terrible fate. While Ritsuko at least hadn’t wound up with her innards splattered all over the place, she’d had every bit of her outside exposed to those depraved men of Seele. And it was Gendo himself who had selected her to be stripped and paraded in front of those old perverts, all to protect his precious Rei.

But even Rei wasn’t all that precious to him, really. She was just a pawn. How pathetic Ritsuko was, to be jealous of a pawn. In fact, she had been so jealous that it hadn’t been enough to seek revenge against Gendo by sabotaging the dummy system. No, she had insisted on bringing Shinji along in order to ruin Rei’s friendship with the boy forever, showing him the secret of the dummy system and then gruesomely destroying it right before his eyes so that he’d be terrified of the girl.

So now she wasn’t just a fool, she was someone who had bullied a kid. Great. A fine addition to the list of Stupid Things Ritsuko Has Done. Oh well, at least while she was locked up in here, there wasn’t anybody to stare at stupid, stupid Ritsuko anymore.

…Or maybe not, because at that moment the door to her cell opened. Yay.

“Let me guess. They need help with the Magi’s self-defense system,” said Ritsuko, without bothering to look up. Not hearing a denial, she added with a grumble, “He expects the woman he abandoned to jump when he calls. Arrogant bastard.”

“The Commander can’t hurt you anymore.” That was Misato’s voice. “Rei zapped him with a Taser and locked him in a supply closet. We’ll be handing him over to the authorities for his role in all this Impact conspiracy crap. Well, once we’ve done something about Seele’s influence on the government, at any rate.”

Finally looking at the doorway, Ritsuko saw her old friend standing there, along with Shinji, Asuka, Rei, and a boy with the same piercing red eyes as Rei. The Final Messenger, then. Wasn’t he supposed to be dead by now? Or if he was still alive, then shouldn’t everyone else on the planet be dead by now?

Strangely, the thing that surprised Ritsuko even more was that Shinji was smiling and whispering something to Rei, so her attempt at tearing them apart had apparently been unsuccessful. She was actually rather… relieved by that. It was one less weight upon her conscience, at any rate. She also noticed that Rei was smiling back at Shinji, which probably meant that the locks Gendo had placed in the girl’s mind had failed. It would certainly explain why Rei had apparently turned against Gendo and used a Taser on him. _Damn, wish I had been there to see that_ , Ritsuko thought, _I hope someone at least recorded it and posted it on Tumblr. I would reblog the hell out of it… I’d put it in my queue so I could randomly have my day brightened by the glorious sight of Gendo getting Tased!_

The other details that Ritsuko spotted made it seem to her as if the children had formed an odd guessing game about which of them had recently been in their Evas. Asuka was in full piloting attire and still had a bit of LCL clinging to her tresses. Rei, on the other hand, was wearing her plugsuit but not her interface headset, and didn’t appear to have a single drop of liquid on her. The two boys were both in their school uniforms, but Shinji’s hair was wet with LCL, indicating that he had probably changed out of his plugsuit very recently. There was also a silly zigzag in his hair, as if two people had tried to comb it at the same time.

The explanation for all that probably wasn’t very interesting, but Ritsuko’s tormented mind was getting pretty desperate for a distraction. “What’s going on?” she said.

“Um, s-sorry to bother you, Ritsuko,” Shinji stammered, “But we need your help to defeat Seele. Oh, and I wanted to give you this.” Stepping hesitantly into her cell, he reached into his pocket and pulled out some money, which he held out to her.

She just stared at the offering in bewilderment. It was highly unlikely the boy was trying to bribe her with such a small amount of cash, so what the hell was he doing?

“We had to borrow some supplies from your storerooms, to take care of Lazarus,” Shinji explained, “I’m sorry we didn’t ask you for permission first. Things were difficult because we had to keep Kaworu’s survival a secret, and… and… I’m sorry, Ritsuko.” He bowed in apology, and set the money down on her cot. As he rose and glanced nervously at her, she couldn’t help but notice his eyes. They were blue like his father’s, but with none of the coldness she was so accustomed to seeing. Even after her cruel stunt with the dummy system, Shinji was apologizing to her, and paying her back for something he had taken? If it had been Gendo, he would have just taken it without any consideration for her.

“Wait… who’s Lazarus?” she asked.

“Meow!”

Ritsuko glanced over at Rei and saw that the girl was holding a little kitten in her arms. The creature was so tiny, and his white fur blended with Rei’s plugsuit so perfectly, that Ritsuko hadn’t noticed his presence before.

“He was starving, so we borrowed some kitten food from your storerooms. A few cat toys, too,” said Shinji, “Again, I’m sorry that we didn’t ask first.”

No, Shinji was definitely not like his father. Somebody who was so kind to a kitten couldn’t be a bad person. And after the terrible things Ritsuko had done, helping this nice kid to stop Seele was the least she could do. Besides, the thought of getting revenge on those disgusting old men was rather tempting. “You can take your money back, Shinji,” she said, “I’ll help you. But on one condition.”

“What’s that?”

“I want to hold Lazarus for a few minutes!” she cooed, waving her hand to get the kitten’s attention.

Without any further prompting, Lazarus leapt from Rei’s arms and scampered over to Ritsuko, obviously sensing the impending cuddles.

“Ooh, aren’t you a smart kitty?” Ritsuko gushed, picking up the adorable white furball and petting him, “Yes, such a smart kitty! And cute, too! Yes, you’re such a cutesy wutesy, fluffy wuffy, pretty witty kitty…”

“I think I’m going to barfy warfy,” said Asuka.

“Although my facial expression has not changed, I assure you that I am equally nauseated,” Rei replied in a robotic tone.

But then the corners of Rei’s mouth twitched upwards in an aborted attempt at hiding a smile, and Ritsuko was so shocked that she had to stop snuggling the kitten for a moment. Did Rei just make a _joke_? Not only that, but a joke poking fun at herself?

Misato burst out laughing, and moments later the Final Messenger also laughed and wrapped his arms around Rei in a hug. “Come on, Shinji!” the Angel called out, and Shinji blushingly walked over to Rei and hugged her from the other side.

“Th-that was great, Rei!” Shinji stammered shyly, as his smile grew and grew, “I’m happy for you. Really happy.”

Asuka rolled her eyes, but she did not voice any complaints about the Rei sandwich, and instead began to look oddly contemplative. Asuka’s pensive expression did not last long, though, for the Final Messenger suddenly pulled her into the group hug, eliciting a lot of blushing and sputtering from both her and Shinji.

The whole thing was so bizarre that Ritsuko found herself laughing louder than she ever had in a long time. Sure, why not? Apparently the world had gone crazy, and now it was okay for Angels and stray kittens to be hanging around Nerv headquarters, and Rei was cracking jokes, and Asuka wasn’t even angry about Rei being the center of attention. Hey, maybe the world _needed_ to turn this crazy in order for Ritsuko to find redemption.

As long as the crazy new world still included kittens, Ritsuko was okay with this.

* * *

“So… why are we in the cafeteria, staring at a toaster?” said Soryu.

Rei wasn’t sure why Kaworu had led them here either, but unlike Soryu, she recognized the look in Kaworu’s eyes as his gaze remained fixed on the toaster. It was similar to the way he had entered the LCL Plant by simply staring at Heaven’s Door, disabling the lock with the power of his mind. Was he trying to use his Angelic abilities on this little kitchen appliance? But why?

She received her answer moments later, as the toaster suddenly began to jump up and down like an excited child.

“Mommy!” the toaster exclaimed, hopping off the table and rubbing against Kaworu’s leg affectionately, “Hello, Mommy!”

The entire Nerv headquarters trembled for a moment as Unit-01’s voice joyously shouted, **_TELL THAT TOASTER TO CALL ME “GRANDMA”!_**

When everyone’s ears had stopped ringing, Kaworu picked up the toaster and hugged it. “Oh good, it worked!” he said, “Now for the others!” His eyes swept across the entire area, and soon all the appliances were moving like living creatures. Considering that the cafeteria had to be equipped to feed Nerv’s sizable staff, it was quite a herd. Eggbeaters and waffle irons and microwaves skipped around Kaworu in a circle, chanting “Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!”, while larger devices like refrigerators, dishwashers, and vending machines shuffled about in a calmer manner but called out “Mommy!” just as eagerly.

**_TELL THEM ALL TO CALL ME “GRANDMA”!_ **

When everyone’s ears had stopped ringing (again), Dr. Akagi experimentally poked at a blender. It giggled and skittered away as if it were ticklish.

“Did… did you really bring them to life?” said Major Katsuragi, wide-eyed.

“Not exactly. They do not have souls,” Kaworu replied, “I was simply trying a variation of my ability to control technology. They will return to normal if I withdraw the power that I have infused them with.”

“It’s amazing, Kaworu!” said Shinji, as Lazarus and the toaster playfully chased each other, “But why are you doing this?”

“Seele will attempt to take over Nerv headquarters by hacking the Magi. But of course, they will be no match for Dr. Akagi’s expertise,” said Kaworu, smiling as Dr. Akagi beamed proudly at that statement, “This means Seele’s next step will be to use deadly force. In order to keep bloodshed to a minimum, I recommend telling the Nerv staff to evacuate. These appliances can distract the invading soldiers instead.”

“Yeah! You can count on us, Mommy!” said a rice cooker, raising its unplugged cord to imitate a salute.

Rei was impressed by this whimsical use of Kaworu’s abilities, but unsettled as well. She could sense a strange aura of power radiating from Kaworu, and although it had lessened slightly every time he had brought a machine to “life”, seconds later the odd power returned to its previous level. “Kaworu, may I speak to you for a moment?”

Kaworu nodded and led Rei to a quiet corner of the cafeteria that didn’t contain any bouncing kitchen gadgets. “Did you need something, Rei?”

“Yes. The truth,” Rei said firmly, “Although I do believe that you are sincere in your wish to safeguard the Lilin who work here, I can also detect there is more to it than that. Your compulsion to fill this world with Angelic life is getting stronger, isn’t it? You animated those appliances in an effort to fool your instincts into believing that you had created Angelic offspring! But… it is not enough.”

Kaworu’s shoulders slumped as he bowed his head. The stooped posture combined with his gray hair made him look paradoxically like a hundred-year-old child in that moment. But considering that he had the memories of numerous past lives, perhaps it was more like several hundred years, if not more. “I try to suppress it, but something within me cries out to be a mother again. Is it that obvious?” he whispered tiredly, looking up at her.

“I do not think it is noticeable yet for those who lack Angelic powers,” said Rei, glancing towards Shinji and the others who were laughing as Lazarus continued to frolic with the toaster, “Kaworu, I appreciate that you want to help us, but this is too dangerous. You must find a way to leave for Mars immediately, and fill that planet with Angelic children. You will be able to see us again once your instincts have been properly satisfied.”

“That won’t be possible if Seele kills you all!” said Kaworu, his eyes darkening with the tortured shadows of previous failed lifetimes. Taking a deep breath to compose himself, he added in a calmer tone, “I’m sorry, Rei. You are right, of course. I do not want to risk losing control of myself and initiating a Third Impact. Still, it is frustrating to know that we are so close to the completion of the TABRIS Project, but have run out of time. It would have given the Lilin the ultimate weapon to protect themselves. If Seele were to harm any of you in my absence, I… I do not know if I could forgive myself.”

A tear slid down his face, and Rei’s heart ached for him. What kind of past tragedies were being relived in his mind right now?

But the teardrop transformed into a dragonfly, because (say it with me, folks), everything Kaworu did had to be strange.

Hey, wait a minute.

“Kaworu, this is a dragonfly,” Rei said in awe, holding out her hand so the slender insect could crawl onto her fingers. The little creature’s diaphanous wings glimmered so prettily in the light that it took Rei a full minute to notice that the power surrounding Kaworu had diminished once more… and unlike when he had brought the appliances to life, it did not rise back up again. “Kaworu!”

“Rei?” the Angel responded, blinking in confusion and tilting his head.

“This is a dragonfly,” she said again, as the insect kissed her hand and then took flight, “One of _Lilith’s_ animals. See, he even kissed me as if acknowledging _me_ as his mother. How did you do that?”

“I… I am not certain,” Kaworu confessed, stroking his chin thoughtfully, “Well, I was created by placing Adam’s soul into a Lilin body, so perhaps under certain conditions I can produce small Lilith-based creatures? I wonder…” He grabbed a pepper shaker off a nearby table and took a careful sniff. “Achoo!”

In a burst of iridescent feathers, Kaworu sneezed out several hummingbirds.

“Ewwww, what are you two doing over there? It looks like the grossest magic trick ever!” Soryu called from the other side of the room, as the colorful birds nuzzled Rei before flying away.

“Sorry!” Kaworu called back sheepishly. Turning back to Rei, he whispered excitedly, “Incredible! I can feel that my Angelic instinct is being pacified. This technique should allow me to control myself long enough to complete the TABRIS Project!”

“I am glad,” she replied with a smile, “Until then, please be careful and keep that pepper shaker with you at all times.”

“I will,” said Kaworu, taking another sniff of pepper, “Achoo!”

This time a sea urchin came flying out, landing on the floor with a startled squeak. The animal waved its multiple spikes at Rei in greeting, then shook itself and shambled off in search of water.

Rei looked at the departing creature’s sharp spines. “Was… was that painful?”

“Very,” said Kaworu, wincing as he rubbed his sore nose.

* * *

“So… why are we out here?” said Ritsuko, as Kaworu led them through the ruins of Tokyo-3.

Shinji thought it was a good question, even though he trusted Kaworu and was sure there had to be a valid reason for this impromptu tour of the scorched wreckage that had once been a grand metropolis. Shinji’s apartment in the old part of town had survived the blast from Unit-00’s self-destruction, but so many other people’s homes had been destroyed, and seeing the damage up close again was disheartening. The knowledge that the explosion had killed Rei before certainly didn’t help, either. However, Rei was now alive and well again, walking alongside them. And Lazarus, who had also been miraculously brought back from the dead, was cradled in Shinji’s arms and purring contentedly. It made him feel as if there was still hope. Yes, Shinji was certain that whatever Kaworu had in mind, it couldn’t be a bad thing.

The Angel slowly began to rise into the air, spinning in a slow circle as he gazed down upon the remains of the city.

As if in answer to a call that only they could hear, countless toasters came crawling out of the rubble, shaking dust off themselves in a manner similar to wet puppies shaking off water.

“You have served your Lilin families well. You should be proud,” Kaworu addressed the crowd of devices, “But even though your families have moved away, there is still work to be done. Invaders will be here soon. Please wait for them down in the GeoFront, and do what you can to keep them distracted.”

“Okay, Mommy!” the toasters said. They spread out in a formation that briefly resembled a large metallic flower opening its petals, before disappearing down the various elevator shafts leading to the GeoFront and Nerv Headquarters.

**_TELL THEM TO CALL ME “GRANDMA”!_** , Unit-01’s voice bellowed from somewhere deep underground, **_TELL THEM TO PIERCE THE EYES AND CRUSH THE BONES OF ANYONE WHO DARES TO OPPOSE ME!_**

“Mother, you’re doing that thing again!”

**_SORRY, SWEETIE!_ **

As Kaworu floated back down to the ground, a sunbeam chose that very moment to break through the clouds and shine on him like a spotlight.

_Wow_ , Shinji thought, _Kaworu is so amazing. Absolutely everything he does looks cool!_

“Achoo!” Kaworu sneezed out a tomato plant, which promptly splattered against a crumbling wall and left a big red mess. “Oops. Uh, ketchup, anyone?” The sun’s spotlight promptly disappeared, and if Kaworu actually had been standing on a stage, this probably would have been the moment a hook would have dragged him off it.

_Okay, maybe not_ absolutely _everything he does looks cool._

“That’s what we came up here for?” said Asuka, “More toasters?”

“Well, there is one other thing,” said Kaworu. He led them on another walk for several minutes, until they arrived at the lake that had been formed by the sacrifice of Unit-00.

Shinji recognized the spot immediately. “This is the place where Kaworu and I first met! Well, in this lifetime, at any rate,” he told the others, before his eyes widened and he exclaimed, “What the…?!” The oddly-shaped piece of debris that Kaworu had been sitting on during their first meeting had somehow been partially raised out of the water, and was now quite obviously a statue with feathered wings and a hauntingly Eva-like body. The peculiar sculpture’s pose was a forward slump or crouch, with its majestic wings stretching skyward. Simply lifting the statue out of the water wasn’t enough to explain its startling appearance, though. Shinji was certain that even the parts of the statue that had been visible before had become more intricately detailed. “What’s with this sculpture? Why is it so much fancier than before?”

“Because I have been repairing her, although the task is not quite finished yet. With your help, I should have enough time to complete the restoration process,” said Kaworu, “This goddess statue, a relic from the White Moon, is a representation of Adam.”

Misato frowned doubtfully at the unusual art piece. “This looks different from the giant I saw on… on that day.” The day of Second Impact.

“Perhaps Adam had shapeshifting abilities?” Kaworu suggested, “Or maybe this is simply what she looked like before the scientists…” _performed experiments that left her disfigured_ , is what Kaworu looked like he was about to say, but gazing right at Dr. Katsuragi’s daughter he seemed to think better of it and instead blurted out, “Ah… what I mean to say is… maybe this is what she looked like before she had 15 children.”

Misato narrowed her eyes at him, but opted to move on to another question. “Okay, well if this thing is a relic from the White Moon, then what’s it doing here in Japan?”

“When Gendo Ikari left Antarctica shortly before Second Impact, he took his research along with him,” Kaworu replied, “This relic was a part of that research.”

“Really?” said Misato, “Commander Ikari never struck me as such an art lover that he would go through the trouble of bringing a busted sculpture all the way out here.”

Not just busted, but busty as well, Shinji noted as he blushingly realized that the statue had a very… um, curvaceous chest. _Kaworu’s mom has got it goin’ on. Oh no, don’t think things like that! Hey wait, Kaworu has Adam’s soul. That means Kaworu’s soul used to be in the body of a sexy alien goddess! Not that there’s anything wrong with his current body… in fact, it’s really nice… Augh, just stop thinking about this already!_ Cursing his hormones, Shinji raised his eyes to look at the sculpture’s head instead, only to find that there was no head at all, only a jagged neck stump. Something about the sight left Shinji so unsettled that he almost missed the rest of Kaworu’s explanation.

“Shinji’s father was using the statue as a beacon to disguise Lilith’s signal as Adam’s, in an attempt to lure Angels to Tokyo-3 more easily,” Kaworu was saying, “After all, the sooner the Angels are completely eliminated, the sooner he can reach his goal. But the statue actually has another very special use that he knows nothing about.”

Asuka leaned in closer. “What special use is that?”

“Well…” said Kaworu, his voice dropping to a secretive whisper.

Everyone leaned in closer.

“Um… I have no idea,” Kaworu finished, with one hand rubbing the back of his head in embarrassment.

“No idea?!” everyone else exclaimed.

By this point, Kaworu was blushing red enough to rival the tomatoes that he had sneezed out earlier. “All I know for now is that it has something to do with the TABRIS Project. As I complete repairs on the sculpture, Shinji and Lazarus will be helping the other Kaworus, my past lives, with finishing the rest of the Project.”

“I see,” said Misato, “So while you guys are doing that, the appliances will keep the invading soldiers busy, and Asuka will engage Seele’s Mass Production Evangelions with Unit-02.”

Kaworu nodded, before turning to Rei and adding, “Rei, if you could use your A.T. Field to defend Unit-02’s umbilical cable, I would be most grateful.”

“But Kaworu, I am supposed to protect you until you can leave for Mars!” Rei reminded him.

“Seele still thinks that I’m dead, so I will be fine,” said Kaworu, “It is crucial that you and Asuka keep the MP Evas occupied, so that the TABRIS Project can be completed before Seele figures out that they have been deceived.”

Ritsuko had a slight frown as she appeared to be mulling over the weirder parts of the conversation, but finally shrugged her shoulders. “I don’t know what this talk of past lives and a TABRIS Project is all about, but if it saves the world and lets me have revenge on those old perverts of Seele, it’s fine by me,” she said, “Misato and I will be with the Nerv employees who chose to stay behind, watching over the battle from a hidden location.”

“Actually,” said Misato, “I’d prefer to accompany Shinji, if that’s okay with everyone.” She crossed her arms and looked warily at Kaworu, as if anticipating a rebuttal.

Shinji sighed. So Misato still didn’t fully trust his friend.

However, Kaworu simply gave her another nod. “As you wish, Major Katsuragi. I invite you to visit TABRIS Project headquarters to see what we’re all about, and to see with your own eyes that we mean Shinji no harm. Also, considering the suffering that you endured due to Seele’s conspiracies, you deserve a chance to take part in the TABRIS Project as well.”

Seeing that Misato appeared satisfied with that answer, Shinji sighed again, but this time it was from relief. He was thankful that an argument hadn’t broken out. And despite his desire to protect Kaworu, he knew that Misato had lost both her father and Kaji because of Seele, so perhaps this would help her to find some of the closure that she needed.

Kaworu had mentioned that the TABRIS Project was about some kind of weapon to thwart Seele once and for all.

What kind of weapon could it be? Whatever it was, it had to be something very special. Shinji was so un-special that he didn’t think he really deserved to be a part of this mysterious Project, but for Kaworu’s sake, and the sake of all his friends, he would try his best.

* * *

A steady stream of cars and trucks evacuated Nerv headquarters, entering the car trains that would lift the vehicles back to the surface. With so many of Nerv’s employees focused on leaving as quickly as possible, it was fairly easy for Vice Commander Fuyutsuki to walk past the hubbub largely unnoticed.

Before long, he arrived at the prisoner transport vehicle that was being used to hold Commander Ikari. The van was not moving, and both the driver and the guard seated in the front appeared to be fast asleep. Fuyutsuki ignored them and proceeded to the back of the van, where the doors abruptly unlocked themselves and swung open in greeting.

“You’re late,” Commander Ikari’s voice called from the inside.

“These old bones don’t move like they used to,” said Fuyutsuki, as he entered the van. The doors slammed shut behind him.

The Commander was huddled underneath a gray blanket. Two armed guards were sitting across from him, although they appeared to be asleep just as their coworkers at the front of the vehicle had been.

“Are you all right, Ikari?” said Fuyutsuki, lifting up the blanket to look at his colleague. His eyes widened at what he saw. “Oh, so you’re _not_ all right.”

“You knew this would be necessary,” said the Commander, using a glove to cover the pulsating Adam embryo on his hand. A pair of broken handcuffs tumbled to the floor as he stood up and gave the blanket to Fuyutsuki. “Here, hide under this and pretend to be me for as long as you can.”

Rather than complying with the instruction right away, Fuyutsuki opted to drape the blanket over one arm so he could still look at the Commander. “What are you going to do now?”

The Commander’s expression darkened. “The Seventeenth Angel must die in order for the plan to move forward. But Shinji failed to eliminate him, and Rei betrayed me. I will have to deal with that Angel myself.”

“Do you really think Shinji would forgive you for killing his friend?” Fuyutsuki asked.

“Forgive me? In time, Shinji will _thank_ me for it,” said the Commander.

Fuyutsuki shook his head. “Do you realize how delusional you sound?” he said, “No wait, of course you don’t. Ikari, this has gone too far. I can’t even remember why we started doing all this in the first place!”

“It will bring Yui back,” the Commander replied.

“I’ll do whatever you say!” said Fuyutsuki. He settled into the spot where the Commander had been seated before, using the blanket to conceal himself and the discarded handcuffs. There was the sound of footsteps as the Commander walked away, then the van’s doors opening and closing once more. As soon as the locks on the doors clicked back into place, he heard the guards stir and resume their conversation as if nothing strange had happened. The driver must have awoken as well, because the vehicle began to move forward.

Closing his eyes, Fuyutsuki tried to envision how beautiful Yui would look once he saw her again. And how would Shinji react upon being reunited with her? Could it really be that Shinji would thank the Commander when all of this was over?

All he knew for certain was that before they reached that point, Shinji Ikari’s life would surely become more complicated.

TO BE CONTINUED

Next chapter: The secret of the TABRIS Project is revealed, but Seele is not willing to go down without a fight. Can Shinji and his friends really save the day? Don’t miss Chapter 4 of The Happy Red Planet, “The Shinji Ikari Collective Diary”! There will be fan service, too!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In the Directors’ Cut version of episode 24, it truly did look as if the headless Angel statue inexplicably changed shape later on. Of course, the “real life” explanation is that the fancier design came from the Evangelion movie Death & Rebirth, and later on some of the movie footage got added to episode 24 to create the Directors’ Cut. But for an in-story explanation, I thought it would be fun to say that Kaworu had been trying to repair the sculpture. As for why I wrote that the statue is a depiction of Adam, there are two reasons why I went with that idea. First, in the Death & Rebirth movie, the sculpture appeared to be bleeding from its neck stump after Kaworu died, indicating a special connection to Kaworu. And secondly, Kaworu said “Adam, our mother” in episode 24, and the statue had breasts, so I figured maybe the reason why the statue has a connection to Kaworu is that it’s supposed to be a representation of Adam. 
> 
> Thanks again for reading, and feedback would be greatly appreciated! 
> 
> -Literary Eagle, 2014


	4. The Shinji Ikari Collective Diary

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to the next chapter! Thanks for continuing to read this story, and extra special thanks to those of you who took the time to give me feedback! And of course, I am extremely grateful to my beta readers AleeN and Laryna6 for all of their helpful suggestions, and the wonderful artists Rulani, Ivi, and np for the wonderful illustrations and comics they have drawn for the story so far. (All of the artwork can be found on my blog. If you haven't been there yet, you can find a link to it in my author profile. I also write Evangelion book reviews on my blog, so be sure to check it out!)
> 
> Legal disclaimer to keep my imaginary lawyer happy: I don't own Neon Genesis Evangelion. It belongs to Hideaki Anno and Gainax/Khara.

Seele's attempt at contacting Nerv headquarters was met with silence.

Chairman Keel Lorenz was infuriated by this blatant act of disrespect, but that type of response (or lack thereof) was not really surprising.

Next came Seele's attempt at seizing control by using the Magi systems of several other Nerv bases to hack into Tokyo-3's Magi, which was met with… considerably less expected results.

An image of Dr. Ritsuko Akagi suddenly appeared on Keel's computer screen, wearing black leather kitty ears and holding a cat o' nine tails. Beneath this image was the text "I can has revenge?"

The image was suddenly replaced with dozens of animated kittens, which began eagerly rummaging through Keel's computer files as the words "You can has virus!" flashed onscreen.

"A virus!" one of Keel's aides shouted in dismay.

"Even worse… it's a lolcats virus!" shouted another, "It's gotten into every Seele computer, and the other Nerv bases as well!"

Keel pounded his fists on the table. "Launch the invasion forces immediately!" he demanded, as his cybernetic body quivered with rage, "And somebody get these damn kittens off my screen… if I still had a stomach, I would be vomiting right now!"

* * *

With Ritsuko already battling the hackers from a secure location, and most of the Nerv staff evacuating except for those who had volunteered to stay and help Ritsuko, it was time for the Eva pilots, Misato, and Lazarus to take their places in the operation as well.

Glancing at the Adam statue's crumbling neck stump again, Shinji tried to remind himself that it was just a broken art piece and not an ill omen. It was unreasonable to be so distressed by the stone carving's lack of a head, right? So why did it make Shinji feel so afraid for everybody, especially Kaworu? He fervently hoped it was just nervousness and not the echoes of a past life haunting the back of his mind. "Stay safe, everyone," he said, holding Lazarus the kitten closer to his chest for comfort as he spoke to his friends, "Please, please be careful."

"Hmph. Don't worry about me, Stupid Shinji. I'll be fine. It's the others you have to be worried about," said Asuka. Turning to glare at Kaworu, she jabbed a finger towards him and added, "I'm mainly talking about you, Special K! You'd better stay out of trouble, because if you get yourself killed, I'm going to give your corpse a good kick when I get back!" But her tone was mostly teasing rather than genuinely annoyed.

"Of course I will be fine, with you and Rei protecting me from Seele," said Kaworu, smiling as he raised his hands in a placating gesture.

Asuka hmph'd again, but could not seem to find an argument against that. Looking at Shinji once more, she said "Hey, you'd better stay safe, too. Don't forget that you promised to cook a feast for me when this is all over. And… and I don't want our third kiss to be terrible, so you'd better be ready."

Shinji's face flushed at the memory of Asuka pinching his nose and pressing her lips against his. It had been one of the most dizzying moments of his life, although admittedly that was probably due to the oxygen deprivation rather than the kiss itself. Still, he was fairly certain that the lack of air hadn't damaged his brain to the point of not knowing how to count anymore. "Asuka, what do you mean by 'third kiss'? There hasn't been a second… _meep_!" That final squeak had been because Asuka had suddenly puckered her lips and darted forward, kissing him on the…

Elbow.

His elbow?!

"Hah! Fooled you!" Asuka laughed, sticking her tongue out at him and then quickly turning away. But was it Shinji's imagination, or had her cheeks appeared a bit red? "Well, I can't stand around here watching you idiots all day, because I have to defend your asses from those Mass Production Evas," Asuka continued, marching away without a single glance back, "Come on, First Child, let's get going."

"Yes, Soryu," said Rei. She leaned over and kissed Shinji's other elbow, causing him to _meep_ for the second time, and then ran after Asuka.

Shinji remained wide-eyed as the two girls departed. "Did… did Rei just make a joke again?"

Misato grinned. "She's certainly been on a roll lately."

"K-Kaworu! _Meep_!" Shinji squeaked, feeling himself blush all over as Kaworu unexpectedly knelt down and pressed his pale lips against the same elbow that Rei had kissed. Luckily, Shinji maintained enough presence of mind to keep holding onto Lazarus with his other arm.

Misato let out a chuckle. "Wow, Shinji, I'm the only one here who hasn't kissed you!"

"Lilin humor," said Kaworu, looking up at Shinji with a wide grin, "I love it!"

Shinji sighed. "I'm turning into a human squeak toy here! Is it too late for me to wish for friends who are a little less humorous?" he asked the sky. But he ruffled Kaworu's hair to show that he was kidding.

Sadly, time was short, so they had to get back to restoring the Adam statue and doing… well, whatever else it was that they needed to do in order to complete the TABRIS Project.

"As a way of expressing my desire for friendship between Angels and the Lilin, I shall repair this statue by focusing my power through one of the crowning achievements of the Lilin culture: music," Kaworu explained, climbing onto the damaged sculpture. "As for your roles in this mission, my past lives should be here to pick you up soon." With that, the Angel took a deep breath and began to sing.

However, the sound that came out of Kaworu was nothing like a human voice at all. To Shinji's surprise, it was the tender whispers of the wind and the great thunder of ocean waves, the soft crackles of flames and the powerful rumbles of volcanoes, all weaving together into a melody like instruments played by a masterful orchestra. There were also lyrics in an unfamiliar language, at times bellowed by the roars of huge beasts and at other times gently trilled by the sweet voices of little birds, the calls of a thousand creatures emanating from a single Angel. It was the sounds of life, of death, of rebirth. It was a ballad of all that was and all that ever would be, a love song to creation in all its glory.

It was the most magnificent thing that Shinji had ever heard. A quick glance at Misato revealed that she appeared to be equally enraptured.

When Kaworu paused a moment to catch his breath, Shinji just had to speak up. "Wow, that was incredible. Kaworu, I… I…"

"Well, that's enough of a warm-up for my lungs!" said Kaworu, "Now it's time for the actual music!"

"Wait… what?!"

Pulling a kazoo out of his pocket, Kaworu began to hum into the instrument, producing a sound that resembled "Fly Me to the Moon" as a mosquito would perform it.

Misato raised an eyebrow at Shinji, but all he could do was shrug helplessly in response. There was no arguing with results, though: before their very eyes, several cracks on the statue began to seal themselves, leaving the stone looking as smooth as if it had never been broken.

"Oh, there you are! Sorry we're late!" said a voice from behind them.

Turning around, Shinji and Misato saw a strange black doorway floating in the air, and several boys who all looked like Kaworu were leaning out of it.

"Hello again!" Shinji exclaimed happily.

"So this is the Kaworu choir, huh? Or is it that I really need to quit drinking?" said Misato, rubbing her eyes.

Shinji chuckled. "It's okay, Misato. This is the choir… Kaworu's past lives." In a lower voice, he added, "Um, but it still wouldn't hurt if you drank a bit less."

"We understand this is a lot to take in, but we will explain everything," said the Kaworu who wore a black necktie with a long white cross on it. Shinji recognized him as the member of the Kaworu choir who had been the first to speak during their previous encounter. Was he the leader of the group?

"Well, don't just stand there!" said the Kaworu wearing a plugsuit that had been converted into a Power Ranger costume minus the helmet, "Come in, come in!"

With that, several of the Kaworus pulled Shinji and Misato through the doorway. "Careful, Shinji… don't let go of Lazarus!" one of them said, and the reason for the warning became clear when Shinji was hit with a sudden wave of dizziness.

When the vertigo subsided, Shinji found himself in complete blackness, although he could still feel the kitten in his arms. "Um, where do I go now?" he said, fearing that he might have an accident if he tried to move in the dark without guidance. Perhaps the Kaworus had night vision far superior to a Lilin's, and they weren't aware that Shinji and Misato would have difficulty in a place with no light. "Help! I can't see!"

"Try opening your eyes, maybe?" Misato's voice said wryly.

"Oh." Shinji unclenched his eyelids, and saw that he was sitting in a small boat with Misato and Lazarus. Curiously, the little wooden craft was painted white with black splotches, like a dairy cow. Surrounding them were similar cow-spotted boats, with a Kaworu riding in each one. Shining above this odd fleet was not the daytime sky of Tokyo-3, but a night illuminated by stars. The celestial display was reflected by the waters below, making it look as if they were traversing a sea of constellations. Well, constellations and cows. Even though they had no visible motors or paddles, the cow-vessels were gliding forward at an efficient pace, making gentle mooing sounds as they did so.

"Uh, what is all this?" asked Misato, gesturing at the group's bizarre means of transportation.

"It's a cow ocean," said one of the Kaworus, as if that was supposed to make sense.

"Um, right. Of course. And what's that?" Misato asked next, pointing towards an island with a tall tree that they seemed to be heading towards.

"That is the Yggdrasil, our headquarters."

"It's a tree?" said Misato.

"Well, it's bigger on the inside."

"It's a TARDIS?" said Misato.

She must have made a joke, because the Kaworus all laughed, although Shinji didn't get the reference. _Maybe I need to start reading TV Tropes like Kaworu does_ , Shinji thought.

Upon arriving at the island, Shinji could see that the tree was actually quite massive, like a skyscraper adorned with branches and leaves. However, that still did not prepare him for walking through the front door located between the tree's roots, for once he crossed the threshold, he found himself in a multistoried Eden with countless water fountains and trees ( _trees inside a tree?_ ) and ornate buildings with flower-filled balconies upon balconies upon balconies reaching ever upward until they disappeared into the clouds ( _clouds inside a tree?!_ ). Much of the architecture seemed to be carved out of enormous golden-brown gemstones that reminded Shinji of amber, but instead of having dead insects trapped inside like he'd seen in science class, they appeared to contain computer circuitry. In turn, the circuits appeared to be trapping glowing red spheres that resembled Angel cores in miniature form.

Adding to Shinji's astonishment was the discovery that the Kaworu choir he had met before was just a small sample of the Yggdrasil's residents, for there were hundreds more Kaworus populating the garden city. They were everywhere, bustling along the endless levels of verandas and bridges while carrying various instruments (some medical, some musical). There were also Kaworus flying through the air, unfurling a long roll of sheet music and scribbling notes onto it. There were even a few Kaworus pulling a large fishing net out of a lake, although they appeared to be catching piano keys instead of fish. Some of the groups of Kaworus were moving so rapidly that their gray and silver hair appeared to blend together like rivulets of mercury winding between the amber and blossoms, a delightful mixture of silvers and golds and flowery perfumes as if a chemist, a jeweler, and a gardener had blended their dreams together and made them real.

"I don't believe this," said Misato, awestruck to the point that her voice was barely audible.

Shinji didn't trust his voice to function properly either, so he simply nodded. It was like standing in the midst of a living work of art. It was astounding. It was beautiful. And it made Shinji feel terrible. _Kaworu, how many times have you died for me?_ , he wondered, looking at all the Kaworus of the past as they continued to flow through the place, _How many times?_

Shinji knew that Kaworu's favorite song "Ode to Joy" contained the line "a friend loyal unto death", but this was ridiculous.

"It isn't normally this chaotic around here, but we're busy preparing for the TABRIS Project," said the Kaworu with the cross necktie, "We know that your friends are putting themselves in harm's way to stall Seele's forces for our sake, so we're trying to get ready as quickly as possible. Perhaps a morale booster will help…" In a louder voice, he called out, "Hey, everyone! Shinji is here!"

Hundreds of pairs of red eyes turned to look in Shinji's direction.

"Hello, Shinji!" the multiple Kaworus called out happily.

"Hi, Kaworu… and Kaworu… and, um, Kaworu… all the Kaworus…" Shinji replied shyly, doing an awkward sort of pirouette in order to accomplish a 360-degree hello to the crowd.

There was a gentle laugh from the Kaworu with the cross tie. "Oh right, I almost forgot. Nametags, everybody!"

With that, the members of the Kaworu choir and all of the other Kaworus pulled nametags out of their pockets – although the ones wearing plugsuits most likely didn't have pockets, leaving Shinji to wonder where the heck their nametags were coming from – and pinned them to their clothes at chest level.

"Because there are so many of us, we have nicknames to make things less confusing," the Kaworu in the Power Ranger outfit explained to Shinji, "We all know each other's nicknames by heart already, but to make it easier for you and Major Katsuragi, we'll wear these nametags while you're here. The Kaworu with the cross necktie is our leader. The Chief Kaworu, if you will. So we call him Chiefworu. And I'm Rangerworu, for… obvious reasons."

As most of the Kaworus dispersed to continue with their work, Shinji looked at the nametags of those who remained nearby: Transferworu, Lunchworu, Smoochworu, Forgottenworu, Sputnikworu, and so many more. It made him dizzy. It also made him curious about one thing. "What about the Kaworu of my timeline? Does he have a nickname, too?

"Of course!" said Chiefworu, nodding, "His nickname is Woruworu."

There was an awkward silence.

" _Woruworu_? Seriously?" Misato finally said, wrinkling her nose.

Chiefworu blushed slightly. "Um, we were running out of nicknames."

Misato groaned. "Dying so many times that you've run out of nicknames? That doesn't exactly inspire confidence in this mission."

Shinji wanted to believe in Kaworu, but at that moment, he was having a hard time disagreeing with Misato's assessment.

* * *

The soldiers of the Japanese Strategic Self Defense Force swarmed into Nerv headquarters, indiscriminately killing anyone who stood in their way… or at least they would have, except that nobody stood in their way! Apart from a few automated defenses that had been quite easy to disable, the JSSDF had encountered surprisingly little resistance so far, and no humans at all. Was Nerv so self-assured about their fiendish Third Impact plot that they weren't even bothering to keep out intruders? Smug bastards. No wonder the JSSDF had been ordered to kill them all, including the pilots.

At last, upon reaching the entrance to the cafeteria, the sound of a child's voice could be heard, humming "Ode to Joy". One of the pilots? The armed soldiers stormed into the room, not hesitating even for a moment to point their guns at the child.

Except it wasn't a child at all.

It was… a toaster?

"Hi!" said the kitchen appliance, waving its unplugged cord at them in greeting, "Mommy said that he doesn't want any Lilin to die. So if it's not too much trouble, please surrender peacefully, okay?"

"Is this a joke?" a soldier growled, keeping his gun pointed at the toaster in case the talking device turned out to be a weapon in disguise, "Where are the Eva pilots?"

"Gee, mister, you really need to relax," said the little appliance, "Have a coffee break!"

With rapid precision, the vending machines that lined one wall of the cafeteria suddenly fired a steady stream of UCC Coffee cans into the air, striking each soldier in the head until the entire army was out cold on the floor.

When the soldiers awoke, they found that their weapons had been taken away and the doors were sealed shut, which was not surprising. No, what was surprising was that the soldiers now found themselves seated at the cafeteria tables, which were laden with heaps of waffles and maple syrup, and more canned coffee. Not only that, but the tables themselves were surrounded with massive piles of merchandise featuring the Evangelions and their pilots.

"Sorry for taking your weapons," said a blender, hopping around the room like an energetic puppy as it addressed the army, "Also, sorry to disappoint you, but the Nerv employees have already been moved to an undisclosed location. We know that we've been really rude so far. Mommy would scold us if he found out that we didn't make up for our bad manners, so please relax and enjoy your meal… and the complimentary merchandise! Aren't these toys of the Eva pilots the cutest things ever?"

"In the meantime, we will also entertain you with one of the crowning achievements of the Lilin culture," said a microwave, doing an oddly graceful little spin while it spoke, "Music!"

"I have a bad feeling about this," one of the soldiers muttered, as a radio began to play an upbeat tune, and the appliances pranced about as they sang:

_Merchandising, merchandising!_   
_Guess it's not really surprising_   
_Gainax 'n Khara want you to spend more_   
_So head on down to the Eva store!_   
_Think this canned coffee is the best?_   
_Just wait until you see the rest!_   
_Rei wall scrolls (so iconic)_   
_Asuka dolls (quite ironic)_

_Why less Shinji merch? Who knows?_   
_Have some Angel socks for your toes!_   
_Yeah, it's pretty random_   
_But it's adored by the fandom!_   
_So cuddle a cute Kaworu plush_   
_Or wear Pen Pen undies (don't blush)_   
_It's a glorious day with the sun rising_   
_Upon more merchandising, merchandising!_

As the song continued, the toasters did back flips, the blenders waltzed with the microwaves, and (much to everyone's dismay), the huge vending machines attempted to tap dance.

"This is ridiculous," a soldier groaned.

"But kind of catchy," another soldier admitted.

* * *

The blender had not been lying about the Nerv staff moving to an undisclosed location, for hidden in the forest just outside Nerv headquarters was an innocent-looking van that had the words "Undisclosed Location" painted on the side. And inside this conspicuously inconspicuous vehicle was Dr. Ritsuko Akagi, along with First Lieutenants Maya Ibuki, Makoto Hyuga, and Shigeru Aoba. Oh, and a heck of a lot of computer equipment, which they were all observing carefully.

"The soldiers that invaded the base have been successfully captured!" said Maya, looking at security videos of Nerv's cafeteria.

"Good, now that just leaves the soldiers who are still lurking around outdoors," said Ritsuko, putting her screwdriver back into a toolbox decorated with Hello Kitty stickers, "The quick enhancement I did to that group of Kaworu's toasters that should do the trick."

Shigeru's cynical eye roll and Makoto's puzzled head tilt made it pretty clear what they thought about Ritsuko's idea of an enhancement. Maya, on the other hand, looked positively starry-eyed as she moved closer to Ritsuko and said "Ah, the power of science! Ma'am, you're sooooooooo cool!"

"So, um… where did you get the idea to do that to the toasters, anyway?" asked Makoto.

Ritsuko shrugged. "I saw it on a screensaver."

* * *

"Um, can I ask a question?" said Shinji, as he walked with Lazarus, Misato, Chiefworu, Rangerworu, and a few of the other Kaworus. They strode down a long path lined with columns made from that amber-like material that seemed to be everywhere. In between the columns were statues representing Shinji from different past lives doing all kinds of heroic poses, a sight which caused the current Shinji to _meep_ several times in embarrassment.

"Feel free to ask anything, Shinji," said Chiefworu, "Final preparations for the TABRIS Project are still underway, so we should have enough time for explanations and a brief tour before everything is complete."

"Well, I was wondering… exactly what is the Yggdrasil, and how did you all end up here?" At first Shinji had thought the Yggdrasil might be some kind of afterlife for Angels, but there only seemed to be Kaworus in this place. He sure hadn't seen any giant blue octahedrons or zebra-striped spheres flying around.

"The Yggdrasil is the world tree," said Chiefworu, "Although perhaps a more accurate term would be _worlds_ tree, because it supports all of time and space… all realities, all dimensions. For every decision someone makes, there is an alternate universe that follows the choice they didn't take. That's what the branches of the Yggdrasil are… every possible path, every possible reality. That is why the Yggdrasil will never stop growing. Well, as long as the cores remain here to support it, of course." He pointed at one of the miniature Angel cores trapped inside an amber column to show what he meant.

Rangerworu patted Chiefworu on the shoulder. "Bah, the Chief is being too modest! The world tree's continued vigor is mostly thanks to him. He became the heart of the Yggdrasil!"

Misato's eyes widened, but she quickly went back to a neutral expression. It didn't escape Shinji's notice, though, and he wondered what it meant. Was Chiefworu's status as the heart of all existence helping Misato to realize that Kaworu was trustworthy after all? Or was she alarmed at the idea of Angels inhabiting a tree that maintained time and space?

"Once, a group of cores escaped from the tree, putting all of existence into peril," Chiefworu explained, his expression growing distant as he immersed himself in the memory, "I was one of the people who helped to retrieve them. In the end, though, I had to give myself to the Yggdrasil in order to save the Shinji of my timeline." He paused in front of a sculpture that depicted Shinji wearing an unfamiliar school uniform and wielding a gun. Touching the statue's hand with a fond smile, Chiefworu added, "It was quite the adventure. In fact, it would probably make an interesting manga! A long series with multiple volumes, of course. Could you imagine trying to cram the whole tale into only four volumes?"

Everyone just stared at Chiefworu.

"I take back what I said about you being too modest," Rangerworu joked.

"Um, at any rate, after I became part of the Yggdrasil, I came in contact with the souls of other Kaworus who had died in alternate universes," Chiefworu continued, giving the statue one more smile before continuing his walk down the pathway, "I invited the deceased Kaworus to join me here, so we could keep each other company."

Rangerworu nodded. "We basically converted the inside of the tree into a retirement community for dead Kaworus. I was part of the design committee. Do you like it?"

Shinji wasn't comfortable with so casually describing the place as a community for dead Kaworus, but it definitely was an impressive city, and he knew that he should say something. "It's a beautiful place. And the sculptures are… interesting," he said, as they moved past a statue of a cybernetic Shinji bearing a plaque that said _RoboShinji, protector of the innocent_. "Oh, and this road is really fun," Shinji added, and Lazarus purred as if voicing his agreement. The path they were walking on looked like a long, gigantic piano keyboard. It even made music as they stepped on the keys.

"Thanks," said Rangerworu, "It used to be a road made of candy, but the stuff kept melting and getting stuck to everyone's shoes. Hmph, they never warn you about _that_ in cartoons."

Chiefworu shrugged. "Anyway, as Rangerworu mentioned, at first the Yggdrasil was pretty much just a home for dead Kaworus. However, one of us eventually came up with the idea of establishing a mental link between all Kaworus, including the ones who were still alive."

"But why?" asked Misato.

"To help Shinji find happiness, of course! That is the goal of the TABRIS Project. It was something that every Kaworu wished for every Shinji," said Chiefworu, and the other Kaworus walking with him nodded enthusiastically. "But when it came to achieving that happiness, we tended to have one little problem…"

"…We sucked at it," Rangerworu finished for him.

"Not how I would have worded it, but… yeah," Chiefworu admitted sheepishly, "Although we loved the Lilin, there was still much about them that we did not yet understand. This caused us to make a lot of mistakes along the way, sometimes with serious consequences. To make matters worse, we were constantly outmaneuvered by those who were much better at plotting than we were, namely Seele and Gendo Ikari."

"So by using a mental network that all Kaworus could connect to, we've been able to share our knowledge and experiences," said Rangerworu, "It's a way for the living Kaworus to not repeat the mistakes that were made by the Kaworus of the past, and it's enabled all of us to learn about the Lilin at a more efficient rate. New information is getting added to the network all the time! But we still have a long way to go, of course."

Oh, so was that why Kaworu had been studying things like TV Tropes? So he could collect more knowledge for the other Kaworus? That made sense to Shinji now, but there was still something about these revelations that wasn't quite matching up with what Kaworu had told him before. "So when my Kaworu… um, I mean Woruworu… said that you were all his past lives, that wasn't really accurate? You're actually from alternate universes?"

"Well, yes and no," said Chiefworu, which pretty much dashed Shinji's hopes of getting an answer that would be easy to understand, "Some Kaworus can only die once, and they stay with us in the Yggdrasil after their deaths. However, some Kaworus, including your Woruworu, have the special ability to be reborn, choosing to repeat their lives again and again until they make their Shinjis happy. Basically, some of us are your Woruworu's past lives, and some are not. However, since we are sharing our memories through the mental network, Woruworu tends to regard _all_ of us as his past lives."

Misato groaned. "This is getting way too complicated," she said, "It's like being in a crazy fan fic where the author is just making up crap as they go along."

"Ah. Sorry. Well, I guess the only thing you really need to understand is that we are an organization that seeks to make Shinji happy," Chiefworu said brightly, "We call ourselves the ' **T** eam of **A** ngelic **B** eings who **R** evere **I** kari **S** hinji', or **TABRIS**."

"I was wrong… this is even worse than a crazy fan fic," Misato whispered.

* * *

"Sir, we've lost contact with the team inside the base," one of the JSSDF soldiers waiting outside Nerv headquarters reported to his commanding officer, "Also… er, it looks like there's a screensaver stuck on my computer."

"Screensaver? What are you talking about?"

"Well, the screen is full of flying toasters, sir," he said, gesturing helplessly at his monitoring equipment, "I can't make the image go away."

"Hey, that's not a screensaver… it's an actual surveillance video of something approaching us!"

"Aaaaaaah!" the soldiers all exclaimed, as an army of flying toasters picked them up and carried them into Nerv headquarters.

It was a situation that seemed quite beyond reasonable explanation, but one soldier felt the need to nitpick anyway. "Hey, these toasters have miniature rocket packs, but the flying toasters in screensavers usually have wings!"

"Sorry, but Aunt Ritsuko didn't want to get sued," one of the toasters replied.

Upon arriving at the locked cafeteria, the doors opened just quickly enough for the flock of flying toasters to swoop in, then slammed shut and locked again as the toasters dropped off their unwilling passengers.

"What the hell is going on here?" the JSSDF commander demanded, trying to sound intimidating even as he landed on a pile of Rei and Asuka plushies. He was secretly relieved to see that the missing soldiers inside Nerv headquarters were still alive, but he was considerably less happy about the fact that they appeared to be sitting around eating waffles and playing with toys of the Eva pilots.

"Um, hello sir," one of the soldiers said sheepishly, "Want to enjoy some waffles and choreography?"

"I don't want to hear excuses! I want to know… er, choreography?"

"I think you're about to find out, sir," said the soldier, as all the appliances in the room began to prance around.

"Merchandising, merchandising…"

* * *

At last, Shinji and the others arrived at the end of the path, which turned out to be a stone wall framing a wooden door. Carved into the wood was an intricate design featuring a cascade of flowers – irises, judging by their shape – and calligraphy in a language that Shinji did not recognize. The brass doorknob was also shaped like an iris, and Chiefworu turned it to open the door and lead his companions through.

On the other side was a small courtyard with three leafless silver trees in the center. As if to make up for the lack of foliage, the tree on the left had a few bright green emeralds hanging from its branches, the tree in the middle was ornamented with hundreds of yellow topazes, and the tree on the right had several dozen rubies that resembled drops of blood.

"Here is a visual representation of what the TABRIS Project has achieved so far," Chiefworu stated proudly, "The green and yellow gemstones represent our successes, the Shinjis whom we helped to find happiness."

"Why two different colors for the successes?" asked Misato.

"The yellow ones are for universes where Shinji found happiness, but Kaworu had to die or disappear in the process. The green ones are for universes where Shinji is happy and Kaworu is still there with him."

Shinji winced. The amount of green crystals was disturbingly small.

In a more subdued voice, Chiefworu added, "And the red jewels are… um, successes that haven't happened yet."

"In other words, failures," said Rangerworu, shaking his head sadly at Chiefworu's euphemism, "The Kaworus of those universes have been repeating their lives over and over again, trying to help their Shinjis. But the results have been disastrous each time."

"Well, we are going to turn those failures into successes, so that's why I say they're successes that haven't happened yet!" said Chiefworu, putting a comforting arm around Shinji, "Our biggest obstacle has been with the Kaworus who are vessels of Adam, including your Woruworu. Their overpowering Angelic instincts have always led to tragedy. But thanks to the Mars suggestion that you and Rei came up with, we finally have the breakthrough that we need! We have already advised the other Kaworus in those red gem universes that they can fulfill their Angelic instincts on Mars and then safely reunite with their Shinjis. And to help them out, we're going to add the Mars mission to our research projects."

"Research projects?" said Misato.

"I'll let this fellow introduce you to some of those," said Chiefworu, gesturing to one of the Kaworus standing near him.

This Kaworu wore a white lab coat with a nametag that said "Sputnikworu" pinned to the front pocket. He also had a pair of goggles on his head that made him resemble a goldfish.

"In my timeline, I was part of the Russian space program," said Sputnikworu, smiling at Shinji as he blinked his big goldfish eyes, "So when I arrived at the Yggdrasil, I was elected to be the lead scientist for the TABRIS Project. Come on, I'll show you some of the things we've been working on!" With that, he led the group back through the door they had used to enter the courtyard.

To Shinji's surprise, the view that greeted them was not the piano keyboard path they had used before. Instead, they had stepped into a large facility that looked like the result of putting a laboratory, a greenhouse, and an orchestra pit into a blender.

There were colorful potions pouring out of tubas rather than test tubes, red roses growing out of music boxes shaped like Erlenmeyer flasks, and all sorts of other wacky blends of chemistry and botany and music. One wall was covered in vines bearing musical instruments instead of fruit, and Sputnikworu paused to put his ear against a violin hanging from one of these vines. "Hmm, not quite ripe yet," he murmured to himself.

"H-how the hell did we get here?" said Misato, voicing the very thing that Shinji was about to ask.

"Through the door, of course," said Chiefworu, looking puzzled at the question. Turning to the aforementioned doorway, he added, "That will be all for now. Thank you, door."

"You're welcome," said the door, as legs unfolded underneath it. Whistling a cheerful tune, the door walked along the wall until it turned around a corner and disappeared from sight.

Shinji's mouth opened and closed several times without making a sound, until he finally managed to stammer out, "Wh-wh-what?"

"Oh, don't worry. The door is just looking for another wall where it is needed," said Rangerworu, as if that was supposed to make it seem less crazy.

"Um, so what were you saying about research projects?" Misato asked. She took Shinji by the hand and guided him away from the various tables and flowerbeds full of equipment, as if fearing that there might be doomsday devices. Or worse, Chia Pets.

Sputnikworu jingled a little silver bell over a crystal bowl filled with muddy water. After a few seconds of jingling, then jangling, and then some truly bizarre sounds that could only be described as joogidoozling, the dirty water became as clear as the crystal that held it. "Because we love Shinji and we love the Lilin, we want to help repair post-Impact worlds," he said, "Your version of Earth was badly damaged by Second Impact, and there have been new timelines appearing that are even worse, sometimes to the point that their oceans become red and uninhabitable. So we've been looking into ways to improve water and soil quality, and we've also been studying how to increase food production without taking up too much land, which can make all the difference for worlds affected by flooding…"

"This just seems more complicated than it needs to be!" said Misato, wrapping her arms around Shinji and pulling him farther away from the Kaworus, "There's a whole army of you, for crying out loud! When a new timeline starts, why don't you all just swoop in and kick Seele's ass? You could stop Second Impact before it even happens, but you don't. Why is that? Because you have a crazy messiah complex and you're obsessed with rescuing Shinji from the worst situation possible? Is that it?"

"Misato!" Shinji exclaimed, angrily breaking away from her, "That's enough!" As he tried to glare at her, though, the hurt look in Misato's eyes made him forget his indignation. _Misato's life was ruined by Seele several times over_ , Shinji reminded himself, _She just wants to protect me. But Kaworu wants to help me, too! What will it take for her to understand that they're really on the same side?_

"It's okay, Shinji," Chiefworu said softly, "Major Katsuragi is correct in her statement that preventing Second Impact in all new timelines would be the least traumatic solution. And considering what she witnessed on that horrible day, it is perfectly understandable why she would wish for that more than anyone. However, we are unable to do so."

"But why?" Misato demanded, "Just tell me why!" Her next sentence was uttered in such a choked whisper that Shinji almost didn't hear it: "Why can't you save my father?"

"I am so sorry, Major Katsuragi. Except for communicating information to living Kaworus through the TABRIS network, we cannot directly interfere with timelines that are not our own," said Chiefworu, bowing to her in apology, "To attempt such a feat could tear the fabric of reality – all realities – completely asunder. It nearly happened once, when a Gendo Ikari from another dimension intruded on my Shinji's world. The amount of trouble he caused made the Yggdrasil even more unstable than it already was at the time. I had to become one with the tree in order to prevent the destruction of everything."

"Chiefworu is correct," said Rangerworu, "If we interfered with timelines where we don't belong, it would be like Hideaki Anno and Hideo Kojima writing a story together."

Misato paled. "That would be a devastating amount of mindscrewing."

"Precisely. That amount of 'mindscrewing' would cause the heavens to implode," Sputnikworu said with a shudder. "However, the good news is that we have discovered a loophole: music! For some reason, we can freely sing or play musical instruments in any timeline without negative consequences."

"That's right, you did it yesterday!" said Shinji, nodding, "You came into my world to sing 'Ode to Joy' for Kaworu… I mean, Woruworu."

"Yes, and we are working on methods to use this loophole to help post-Impact worlds. Have you ever heard about the scientific study which determined that playing classical music can help plants to grow?"

"Yeah, we were taught about that in school."

"Well, we have been experimenting with different types of music to see what works best for plants, and it is my pleasure to show you our latest findings." Leading them around the same corner the walking door had taken, Sputnikworu proudly motioned towards a collection of trees laden with the biggest fruits that Shinji had ever seen. Huge apples, pears, oranges, and other vibrant produce covered the treetops in such large quantities that they must have been quite heavy, but the branches remained firm and strong.

"Wow!" Shinji exclaimed, admiring an apple that was larger than his head. Skimming through his mental catalogue of recipes, he began to imagine the kind of feast he could create for Asuka with fruits such as these.

If the drool hanging from Misato's mouth was any indication, she was probably also picturing the kind of dishes Shinji could make.

"So which composer's music led to these results?" Shinji asked, as Lazarus played in a bed of oversized flowers, "Was it Beethoven? Bach? Verdi?"

In response, Sputnikworu picked up a tiny music box covered in jewels and gold filigree, opening the lid to reveal a delicate-looking mechanical nightingale. The little automaton opened its miniature beak and unleashed a series of startlingly deep, monstrous growls that snarled out just about every synonym for death and pain imaginable, along with such aggressive drumming and rapid guitar sounds that it was a miracle the music box didn't shatter. Lazarus enthusiastically yowled along to the song, while the Kaworus all began headbanging and holding their hands up in the "sign of the horns" gesture. Shinji raised his hands as well, although it was to cover his aching ears.

" _Death metal?_ " Misato exclaimed, shutting the lid of the music box so that her voice could be heard, "The best music for making plants grow is death metal?!"

"Yes, we were surprised as well," Sputnikworu said with a shrug and a smile, "It turns out that music about death and destruction makes the plants realize that their assistance is needed, so the quality and quantity of the food they produce increases dramatically."

"That's crazy," said Misato, "I mean, I'm not complaining about the results, but… that just sounds really difficult to believe."

"Is it, though?' said Chiefworu. He petted the branch of a pear tree as if to thank it for a job well done, and the branch curled affectionately around his fingers. "Lilith loved her children, so of course she wanted measures in place to take care of them. And we will do our best to help the Lilin as well."

* * *

Swooping down from the sky in a circular formation, the nine Mass Production Evangelions prepared to make their dramatic appearance above Nerv headquarters… only to find that the JSSDF soldiers hadn't blown away the remains of Tokyo-3 like they were supposed to, so the abandoned city was still covering the underground base. Great. Now what? The MP Evas changed their formation into the shape of a question mark as they flew over the ruins in confusion.

What were they supposed to do? It was difficult to strategize when their overwhelming thoughts were _pain_ and _emptiness_. Yes, an emptiness that desperately needed to be filled… _hunger_. Yes, that had to be it.

Just as the baffled Evas were about to reach the lake created by the self-destruction of Unit-00, something else caught their attention. It looked shiny and red and _yummy_. Forgetting all about the lake and the strange kazoo sounds coming from its shore, the MP Evas swooped towards the scarlet morsel instead, which turned about to be the leg of an Evangelion. Judging from the paint job, it was probably a spare part for Unit-02. Like a pack of ravenous wild beasts, the Mass Production Evas viciously tore the special treat apart with their teeth, snapping the armor plating to reach the succulent organic bits inside. But one leg was much too small for satisfying nine MP Evas, and it wasn't long before they were howling for more.

Sniffing around, they found another spare part a short distance away. This time, it was an arm. Making a quick snack of the red limb, they soon found another part, then another, following the trail of tasty scraps farther and farther away from the lakeshore. At last, they reached a hole that someone had blasted into the ground, with a sign placed at its edge. The sign had an arrow pointing downwards, along with big bold letters that said:

**Delicious Evangelion Unit-02 down here! Come and get it!**

Ah, so there was a hole leading down to Nerv headquarters after all. It was only big enough for the MP Evas to enter in single file, thus preventing the spectacular entrance that had been initially planned… but if there was a scrumptious Unit-02 waiting to be eaten, then that was far more important!

* * *

"Okay, looks like they took the bait. Here they come," said Asuka, as she glanced up and saw the Mass Production Evangelions dropping one by one through the hole that the First Child had created with her powers. Asuka gripped her Eva's controls in anticipation. "Ready, Mama?"

_**Ready, Asuka!**_ , Mama's voice replied.

The MP Evas were also ready. Drifting like a series of bone-white apparitions, they descended towards Unit-02, circling her in a manner akin to vultures eyeing their next meal. That is, if eyeless Evangelions could be considered capable of "eyeing" anything. Landing in a ring formation around Asuka's Eva, the nightmarish creations of Seele smacked their lips and growled hungrily, eager to feast upon the juicy Evangelion-sized red lobster that stood before them.

Asuka would have found this a frightening sight, except for three things:

1\. This was Seele's Eva Series, and she was eager to stick it to the crazy cult that had hurt and killed so many people.

2\. She was the great Asuka Langley Soryu, pilot extraordinaire, plus Mama was watching over her and protecting her with an A.T. Field. There was no way she could lose!

3\. The Mass Production Evas were wearing red lipstick. Really, really gaudy red lipstick.

"Ha ha! That has got to be… ha ha ha… the worst makeup application I've ever seen! Ha ha ha ha ha!" Asuka's laughter burst forth from her Eva's external speakers, and Mama must have been equally amused, because Unit-02 began to roll around on the ground as Asuka continued to laugh.

"Careful, Soryu," the First Child called out from where she stood on Unit-02's umbilical cable. The color of her plugsuit made her resemble a little white mouse perched upon a gigantic snake. "Remember, Kaworu said those Evangelions are dangerous. Maybe there is a reason why they were created with those lips."

"Or maybe it's Maybelline," Asuka snickered. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see the First Child's stoic features beginning to melt into a tentative smile. "Come on, if you don't want to be the Commander's doll anymore, then just laugh!" said Asuka, "You did a great job making a joke back at Ritsuko's cell, so don't stop now! Those Seele guys have all kinds of power and resources… and yet this is the best look they could come up with? What kind of beauty school do you think their makeup artist graduated from?"

"Clown college, perhaps?" said the First. She began to giggle softly, her cheeks turning slightly pink as she did so.

"Heh! There's hope for you after all, First," said Asuka, making her Eva nod in a show of approval, "When this is done, I'm gonna show you all the fun stuff you've been missing, like ice cream and video games! Oh, and I'll definitely have to teach you how to apply makeup properly, not like these Ronald McDonald rejects." As she said that last part, she pounced on a Mass Production Eva that had suddenly lunged at her. Grabbing her opponent's head, she pulled at its garish lower lip and then suddenly let go, causing the rubbery lip to snap its owner in the face.

"But why?" said the First, casually hanging onto Unit-02's cable with surprisingly little effort despite Asuka's tussle with the MP Eva, "I thought that you disliked me."

_Because I was wrong about you._ "Because I was… well, not wrong, because the great Asuka Langley Soryu is never wrong… but I was, um, working with erroneous information about you," said Asuka. Another MP Eva charged towards her, but she casually stuck out Unit-02's leg and tripped the interloper, sending the Seele Eva tumbling into the GeoFront's artificial lake with an enormous splash. "I thought you were the Commander's favorite, but you were actually a victim of this whole conspiracy mess, too. We're all in this together. Look, I don't dislike you, okay? I dislike _dolls_. If you no longer want to be the Commander's doll, then we've got no issues, all right?"

"I see," said the First. A snarling MP Eva dove towards Unit-02's power cable, opening its mouth wide. But before its jaws could graze the precious cable, the First unceremoniously flicked her wrist, summoning an A.T. Field that slammed into the enemy Eva and broke its teeth. "So you wish to try being friends again, because our similar circumstances would make it… convenient?"

Oh, right. Asuka had almost forgotten that on the day she'd met the First Child, she had declared they should be friends because it would be convenient. "Hell, no! Never mind what I said back then. Being friends with you wouldn't be convenient at all!" Asuka said with such conviction that the First looked completely startled. "My life would be much simpler if I only befriended normal people like Hikari, and stayed far away from clueless oddballs like you and Stupid Shinji and Special K! But you know what? That doesn't matter. We Eva pilots can understand each other's suffering on a level that regular people can't, no matter how awkward our differences are. And that's important. I want to help you because _you're worth it_ , not because you're a convenient tool to keep around!"

"You think that I am worth it?" said the First, looking hopelessly bewildered. Was it because she hadn't heard those words enough in her lifetime, or was it simply disbelief that Asuka of all people was saying that to her? Probably both, actually.

"Get a clue, Blue! Remember what happened when we freed Ritsuko from her cell? You made a joke, and Stupid Shinji looked so happy because of it. It made me realize that he wants more than for us to survive… he wants us to _live_. To enjoy life! And we already know that the key to helping Stupid Shinji is that we all have to work together… Special K tried going it alone so many times, and look at how well that turned out! So if we want to support Stupid Shinji, then we also have to support each other," said Asuka. Yet another of the enemy Evas tried to leap at her, so she quickly stepped to the side and let her foe crash headfirst into the ground. "Stupid Shinji cares about you and thinks that you're worth it, so… so that means that you're worth it to me, too. In other words, let me teach you how to have fun, damn it!"

"Understood. Thank you, Soryu," said the First, looking up at Unit-02's eyes to give Asuka a small smile, "If you are to instruct me in these lessons of fun, then is there something I can do for you in return?" A Mass Production Eva launched itself at the umbilical cable, and the First summoned her A.T. Field once more, using it to bounce her opponent into the air a few times as if she were flipping a pancake.

Asuka was going to say that there wasn't anything she needed from the First in return, but the words melted away on her tongue before she could voice them. No wait, that was just the ever-present LCL messing with her taste buds again. Yuck. Either way, she realized that there was something she could ask for. "Maybe you could help me to get better at reading and writing kanji? Special K is so clueless and so lost wherever he goes, but at least he tries really hard to learn about 'Lilin culture'. Ever since I've arrived in Japan, I've repeatedly complained about how the culture is too different, and how kanji is too complicated. I can't let Special K look better than me!" _Besides, Shinji went through the trouble of learning how to cook all those German dishes so he can give me a special feast later. Well, I'll show him that he's not the only one who can do stuff like that! I'm going to write him a thank-you letter, and I'll write it in perfect Japanese. Yeah!_

"Your proposal is acceptable," said the First, "So wh-"

Whatever the First was going to say next was interrupted as the entire group of MP Evas let out a bloodcurdling yowl, creating vibrations that shook the LCL in Asuka's lungs. Ick.

"Well," Asuka coughed, "It looks like our guests aren't happy that we haven't been taking them seriously." She cracked her knuckles, and Unit-02 followed suit. "Fine, then. Let's show them what we've got!"

* * *

To Lazarus, flowerbeds were a great place to play, and Shinji's arms were a great place to sleep. So after playtime, the little kitten had returned to Shinji for naptime.

"There's one thing I'm confused about," said Shinji, looking down at the adorable kitty dozing in his arms, "What about Lazarus? If you Kaworus can't directly interfere with other timelines except for making music, then why didn't it cause a problem when one of you gave me a resurrected kitten from a previous timeline?"

"Because he's a kitten, of course!" said Rangerworu.

When no further explanation seemed to be coming, Misato prompted, "And…?"

"Haven't you ever noticed that cats can get themselves into all kinds of places, no matter how small or how high, or even if there's a closed door in the way? A feline's mastery over time and space is truly a force to be reckoned with!" said Chiefworu, sounding a little envious, "Because of this, cats can go anywhere – or any _when_ – without endangering reality. For example, in my timeline the Angel known as Gaghiel did not have to return to the Yggdrasil because his host body was a kitten."

_Maybe Chiefworu's tale really should be made into a manga, so I can read it_ , Shinji thought, _Because right now, I'm just confused._ Out loud, he added, "Hey, where is the Kaworu who gave Lazarus to me, anyway? I don't think I've seen him here yet."

"We call him Babyworu," said Sputnikworu, adjusting his goggles as he checked something on a computer monitor, "He's still running tests in his room."

Misato tilted her head questioningly at the odd nickname. "Babyworu?"

"Yes, we named him that because after Seele released him from his LCL tube, he only lived for nine days," Chiefworu said sadly, "Poor guy."

Shinji's jaw dropped. " _Nine days?!_ " Sure, Kaworus seemed to die young most of the time, but _that_ young? That was just too cruel! Had Shinji been responsible for that particular Kaworu's death as well? It was a sickening thought.

"It's okay, Shinji," said Chiefworu, rubbing Shinji's back soothingly, "Babyworu is happy here. And he's very grateful that you agreed to take care of Lazarus."

"You should go see him!" Sputnikworu said enthusiastically, "I'm sure he'll like that. The rest of us are nearly finished preparing for the TABRIS Project, so you can let Babyworu know that we're almost ready for him. In fact, Sailorworu is doing maintenance near his room, so could you please fetch the both of them for us?"

"Sure, I could do that!" said Shinji. Although he had enjoyed his time at the Kaworus' amazing headquarters, he was glad to hear that arrangements for the TABRIS Project were just about complete. After all, Asuka, Rei, and the others were putting themselves at risk to stall Seele's forces for this. "Um, where do I find Sailorworu and Babyworu?" Did he need to track down that walking door and go through it again?

"You can use that," said Rangerworu, pointing towards a trapdoor in a corner of the laboratory floor.

The trapdoor was round and appeared to be made out of some kind of rubbery material, and in its center was a metal ring for pulling it open. As Shinji walked closer to it, with Misato right beside him, he couldn't help but think that the strange hatch looked like an oversized bathtub stopper.

Misato must have had a similar thought, because as she knelt down and pulled the trapdoor open, she said, "Heh, where's the rubber duckie?"

The comparison turned out to be more accurate than either of them would have liked, though, for everything suddenly became a rapid blur of swirling and whirling, with Shinji and Misato both crying out in dismay as they were sucked through the opening like water going down a drain.

When existence managed to un-whirl itself (and Shinji's guts managed to untangle themselves), he found himself standing in a cavern full of trees, and a river flowing through it with water white as milk. To Shinji's relief as well as disbelief, Lazarus had managed to sleep through the crazy trip, and was continuing to nap peacefully in his arms.

The same could not be said for Misato, though, as she swayed dizzily while holding one hand against her forehead. "I am so glad that's over," she groaned.

"So am I," said the oversized bathtub stopper, which was still clutched in her other hand. It jumped out of her grasp and rolled to the riverbank, where it hopped into the milky waters and let the current carry it out of sight.

"Surprisingly, that's actually the least weird thing that's happened today," said Misato.

"Perhaps. Or perhaps you've started to get used to how things work around here?" said a voice. Stepping out from behind a tree, the speaker revealed himself to be a stunningly beautiful Kaworu with honey-colored hair, wearing a dark blue sailor outfit.

Unsurprisingly, his nametag said "Sailorworu". Shinji recognized him as the member of the Kaworu choir who could transform into a more Angel-like appearance, which included strange markings on his face and a visible core on his torso. But as far as Shinji was concerned, Kaworu was Kaworu, no matter what he looked like.

"Hello," Shinji greeted him, "It's good to see you again."

"It's always a joy to see you, Shinji," said Sailorworu with a dazzling smile that made Shinji's cheeks grow warm. Then it was Sailorworu's turn to blush as he added, "By the way, thanks for your kind words yesterday, when you said that you weren't creeped out by my Angel form. That… that meant a lot to me." The golden-haired boy then held up a jar containing sparkly little dots that flashed and moved around in a way that was rather reminiscent of fireflies. "Pardon me for a moment. I was just replacing the light bulbs in here." He opened the jar, freeing the specks of light. They rose to the ceiling of the cavern, shining and twinkling.

With Shinji's knowledge of astronomy, it was easy for him to recognize that the "light bulbs" were replicating the shapes of constellations, including his favorites: Aquila the eagle, carrying the thunderbolts of Zeus… Lyra, instrument of the musician Orpheus… Cygnus the swan, with his outstretched wings…

"Are you here to see Babyworu?" asked Sailorworu, interrupting Shinji's contemplation of the lights, "His room is right across the river."

Shinji looked around for signs of a bridge, or even another cow-spotted boat, but there was nothing like that in sight. "Oh. Um, I can't swim."

"Don't worry," Sailorworu said cheerfully, "I won't let you sink this time!"

"…this time?" said Shinji, unable to suppress a cringe. Sailorworu must have been referring to an event from a past life, but Shinji wasn't sure if he really wanted to press for more details.

Reaching into a hollow tree and pulling out a pillow, Sailorworu tore the cushion open, causing a torrent of feathers to come rushing out. The feathers, far more numerous than what should have fit inside that little pillowcase, flew in a perfect arc stretching from one riverbank to the other, creating a bridge that looked like a giant wing.

"After you," said Sailorworu with a bow, "Babyworu will be thrilled to see you, I'm sure."

Shinji tentatively placed one foot onto the bridge, and was relieved to find that the feathery creation was completely sturdy. His steps became more confident as he walked across, with Sailorworu and Misato following him. On the other shore was an archway cut into the cavern wall, covered with a curtain made of leaves. Sailorworu nudged the veil of greenery aside to let them all into Babyworu's chamber.

The room turned out to be surprisingly small and modest compared to the grandeur seen in the rest of the Yggdrasil, but there were still a few decorations and personal touches, including a photo of Shinji ( _with black hair and brown eyes?!_ ) in a gold picture frame sitting on the dresser, and a bouquet of flowers giving off a slightly citrusy scent that identified them as orange blossoms.

On one wall was a large bulletin board that had the title banner "Things I've learned" at the top, and numerous notes and pictures stuck below this title. The very first one was a handwritten note that said "Don't hurt kittens. Always be gentle with them."

Below that note was a page torn out of a dictionary, with the definition of the word "pervert" highlighted in orange. A rough drawing of a door to a women's washroom had been pinned below this highlighted definition, along with the handwritten note "That means don't go in here."

On and on the series of pictures and notes continued, mostly pages torn out of various books with certain passages highlighted in bright colors. Then at very end of the board was a final handwritten note that said "Oh, and stop vandalizing books. Oops."

But the most interesting feature of the room was a large nest in the center. It was made from fluffy white pillows mixed with balls of yarn in different colors, creating the impression of a bed constructed from clouds and rainbows.

There was a Kaworu curled up inside the nest, sleeping peacefully. He was wearing orange tabby-striped onesie pajamas that had a cat-eared hood and a tail. The hood was not pulled over his head, though: instead, he was wearing a modified interface headset that looked even more like cat ears than the ones that Eva pilots usually wore. His hair was such a bright silver color that it almost seemed white, and Shinji recognized that he was indeed the Kaworu who had given him Lazarus. A nametag that said "Babyworu" was clipped to the front of his kitty pajamas. There were a few kittens sleeping in the nest as well, curled up next to Babyworu as if he were their mother.

"During his spare time, Babyworu rescues stray kittens from various timelines and nurses them back to health until he can find people to adopt them," Sailorworu explained in a whisper.

As if realizing that kittens were being discussed, Lazarus woke up and meowed a greeting at Sailorworu.

The blond Angel petted Lazarus on the head before reaching down into the nest and carefully removing Babyworu's headset. "Wake up, Baby. How's the test going?"

With a yawn and stretch that added to his catlike appearance, Babyworu sat up and rubbed his eyes. "Very strong connection, and it meets all of our safety standards, so it should be okay for… SHINJI!" The last part was let out as a surprised yelp, as Babyworu suddenly realized that Shinji was standing right there. Leaping out of his nest and snatching the headset back from Sailorworu, he ran into an adjacent bathroom and slammed the door shut. Moments later, the sounds of vigorous tooth brushing could be heard.

"Babyworu, we've been through this before," said Sailorworu, knocking on the bathroom door, "You died a long time ago. You don't get morning breath anymore."

"But people who don't brush their teeth are considered… _weird_ by Lilin standards, right?" Babyworu's voice called out from the other side of the door. From the way he said _weird_ , it was pretty clear that he was worried about coming across as such.

Several scrubbing and crashing noises later, Babyworu stumbled out of the bathroom, now clad in fresh pajamas. They were nearly identical to the previous outfit, except for the coloration which was white with black and orange splotches. A calico, then? Shinji vaguely recalled reading someplace that it was very rare for a calico cat to be male. But as far as Shinji was concerned, that suited Babyworu really well, because every Kaworu was truly special.

As Babyworu hastily clipped his nametag to the front of his new attire, Shinji noticed that he was also wearing the catlike interface headset again. Much to Shinji's surprise, the "ears" actually moved like a real cat's ears, pointing straight up to indicate excitement.

"Hi, Shinji!" said Babyworu, bouncing up and down in a way that almost reminded Shinji of an eager puppy more than a cat, "I've learned a lot from the other Kaworus over the years, so I'm less weird now!"

You know you're having an interesting day when a guy dressed like a cat is saying that he's gotten less weird.

But gosh, it sure was adorable.

"I don't think you're weird," Shinji said, trying his best to sound reassuring, "There's nothing wrong with being different." He wasn't sure why Babyworu was so concerned about not seeming weird to Shinji, but he didn't want the Angel to stress over something like that. Maybe changing the subject would help? Shinji held up the kitten in his arms. "Hey look, I've been taking care of the cat, just like I promised! We named him-"

"Lazarus, I know," said Babyworu, calming down as he smiled at the little feline, "He looks healthier already. Thank you, Shinji."

"Meow!" Lazarus said excitedly, leaping from Shinji's arms and landing on Babyworu's shoulder.

Babyworu's eyes widened. "What? N-no, you shouldn't be touching me. Go back to Shinji."

"Meow, meow!"

"No, that's not true! I don't deserve it!" said Babyworu, shaking his head vigorously, "I'm… I'm the one who killed you…"

"Meow," said Lazarus, rubbing against Babyworu's cheek.

"You forgive me? But…"

"Babyworu, it's okay," Sailorworu said gently, "Lazarus understands that you were trying to help him when you did that. He knows you're not a bad person."

"Meow! Meow, meow."

"I see. Thank you," Babyworu whispered, as the kitten rubbed against his face one more time before leaping back into Shinji's arms. Turning to look at Misato, the pajama-clad Angel added, "But this isn't why you're all here, is it?"

"We were sent here to let you know that the other Kaworus are almost ready for this TABRIS Project thing," said Misato, "And my other pilots are battling against Seele's forces, so we have to hurry."

"In that case, let's rejoin the group right away," said Babyworu, hopping back into his nest, "Climb aboard, everyone!"

By this point, Shinji and Misato had grown accustomed to expecting the unexpected in the Yggdrasil, so without question they clambered into the nest, followed by Sailorworu.

"Wow, this is really comfortable," said Misato, leaning against the pillows and yarn.

Not content with merely leaning, Lazarus rolled around the nest, waking up the other kittens so they could play together.

"Here we go!" said Babyworu, as the nest began to vibrate.

"Oh, it's _that_ kind of bed," Misato giggled, "I've always wanted to try one of these…"

Shinji wasn't sure if he wanted to know what she meant by that.

The ceiling to Babyworu's room slid aside like a sun roof on an automobile, and the nest rose straight up into the air, flying through the newly-created opening. They glided over a hedge maze that was shaped like a gigantic portrait of Shinji, before coming to a soft landing beside a cerulean blue lake. The shore was covered in miniature piano keyboards and empty fishing nets, except for one net which was still full of piano keys. Chiefworu and the other Kaworus were pouring the keys out of that final net, their hands moving in a rapid blur as they assembled the pieces into more piano keyboards.

"As Chiefworu probably told you, one of our greatest challenges has been figuring out what to do about Kaworus who are vessels of Adam," said Sailorworu, as he led Shinji and the others towards Chiefworu's group, "But thanks to your Mars idea, we finally know how to overcome that issue. The other main obstacle, of course, has been Seele. We have spent many lifetimes trying to gather all the information we needed to deal with them."

"What kind of information?" asked Misato.

"The prophecies in the Secret Dead Sea Scrolls, written by the First Ancestral Race that created both Adam and Lilith, are the primary source of our opponents' knowledge," Babyworu chimed in, "Just obtaining the full text of the Scrolls took us a long time, because Seele kept their documents so carefully guarded. After that, we had to analyze all of it to see if there was anything useful that the old men had missed… and there was!"

By this point, they had reached Chiefworu's group, so Sailorworu and Babyworu promptly joined in the task of building tiny piano keyboards. The other Kaworus nodded at them in greeting, but did not stop working. Shinji wished that he and Misato could help as well, but neither of them knew anything about proper keyboard construction.

"So what was the useful thing that Seele had missed?" asked Misato, as she watched Babyworu's fingers deftly connecting the keys.

"We figured out that there were hidden messages in the Scrolls," said Babyworu, as his fingers moved faster and faster, "Unlike the Dead Sea Scrolls that have been released to the public, the _Secret_ Dead Sea Scrolls were written in Angelic Script. The old men figured out how to decipher Angelic Script, but what they didn't realize is that the strokes used to write the letters were sometimes made up of many tiny letters joined together… letters so tiny that they wouldn't be noticed without a magnification tool."

"Or an Angel's sharper eyesight," said Sailorworu with a grin, pausing in his work just long enough to give Babyworu a high-five, "The concealed messages hinted at the existence of a special weapon called the _Ihsadat_. If we can find it, we can thwart Seele once and for all. We also know that the Adam statue is somehow supposed to help the Ihsadat to function, which is why Woruworu is trying to repair that sculpture right now."

Misato had a gleam in her eye that made it pretty clear she'd love the chance to take a shot at Seele. "What does this weapon do, exactly?"

"According to the Scrolls, the Ihsadat can spread hope wherever it goes!" said Babyworu, beaming enthusiastically.

Shinji and Misato waited for him to elaborate, but no further explanation came forth.

Misato sighed. "It spreads hope? That's not exactly much to go on," she said with a frown, "Unless it plays a Stan Bush song while someone says 'Light our darkest hour,' I'm not impressed."

"Seele's reign is based on despair… which is kind of weird, since their Mass Production Evas are always smiling," said Chiefworu, joining in the conversation, "The reason why the men of Seele are so powerful is because they have convinced their agents throughout the world that there is no hope left for humanity, and that Instrumentality is the Lilin's only option to evolve and survive. And for those who oppose Seele, it can be difficult to hold on to hope when their adversary is so widespread and strong. Doesn't it make sense, then, that a weapon which spreads hope would make all the difference?"

Misato's frown deepened. "But how are you planning on locating this Ihsadat thing, especially when we don't have much time?"

"The hidden instructions said there was one last message in the Scrolls that would let us find the Ihsadat right away," Chiefworu replied earnestly, "However, we couldn't figure out where this message was! But then we finally made a major discovery yesterday, when Shinji told Woruworu that Lilin cannot see the color rueoc. The Scrolls have some elaborate designs in rueoc ink that we had always assumed were just there for decoration, but once we realized that the old men of Seele wouldn't have been able to see those embellishments at all, we gave them a closer look. The 'designs' are actually a different Angel language!"

Sailorworu looked rather abashed. "Yeah, the public Dead Sea Scrolls were written in more than one Lilin language, so it was pretty arrogant of us to assume that the Secret Scrolls would use only one Angel language. Translating this unfamiliar script would take time, though, even with the combined abilities of every Kaworu through the TABRIS network. So we could really use Shinji's help to speed up the process."

"Me?" said Shinji, flabbergasted, "But I don't know anything about ancient Angel languages!" _I have enough trouble with the Lilin languages_ , he thought, remembering his disastrous attempt at using German when piloting Unit-02 with Asuka. Why hadn't the Kaworus asked for someone smarter and more special, like Asuka or Rei? He sighed, expecting the Kaworus to look disappointed in him.

But no, Babyworu's response was a warm smile. Turning to Misato, he said, "Major Katsuragi, what enables the pilots to move their Evas?"

Misato looked surprised at the seemingly unrelated question, but answered anyway. "Um… well, Ritsuko often mentions something about connecting to the A10 nerve."

"Yes, and it is through the A10 nerve that certain feelings are processed, including those pertaining to love," said Chiefworu, giving Shinji a smile that mirrored Babyworu's. "Shinji, imagine the power if all the Kaworus were to synchronize with you, a friend we love so dearly! It would give the TABRIS network the boost it needs to decode the message faster, so we'd be able to find the Ihsadat to give the Lilin the hope they require. And if we were to combine that with our research for helping post-Impact worlds, plus your idea of sending all Adam-based Kaworus to Mars, we would finally succeed in helping every Shinji to find happiness. The TABRIS Project would be completed at last!"

As if Chiefworu had perfectly timed that proclamation, the other Kaworus finished assembling all the piano keys and let out a mighty cheer.

"I'll do it!" Shinji said, delighted at the prospect of being helpful to the Kaworus after all.

Misato still appeared considerably less excited. "Look, I'm just not so sure that…" But whatever she was going to say next was cut off as her cell phone suddenly emitted an alarm that sounded like the ring of a cash register. "Aw geez," said Misato, rolling her eyes, "Is it time for that _again_?"

* * *

Walking through the ruins of Tokyo-3, Gendo followed the sounds of a kazoo playing the song "Beautiful World" until he reached the lakeshore. Hiding behind some rubble, he observed his target: Kaworu Nagisa, the Seventeenth Angel and the final obstacle to achieving Instrumentality. Nagisa was sitting atop the statue of Adam, which had been restored to its former glory. The sculpture now had a head with a long mane of beautiful hair, and the face covered with a birdlike mask that resembled the visage of the Third Angel.

"There, all done," Nagisa said to himself with a satisfied smile, as he put the kazoo back into his pocket. "But I used a lot of Angelic power to do that, so I should…" He picked up a pepper shaker that had been resting next to him, and sniffed at its contents. "Achoo!"

The Angel sneezed out a fish, which sailed through the air and landed in the conveniently-located lake right below.

He then proceeded to sniff the pepper a few more times. "Achoo! Achoo! Achoo!"

The Angel sneezed out a swarm of hornets. The insects flew off to build a nest somewhere, leaving Nagisa to hop up and down while clutching at his nose and exclaiming "Ow, ow, ow!"

Gendo suppressed the urge to snort derisively. This little clown was his final obstacle?

"Ah well, this is worth the pain, if it keeps the Lilin safe," Nagisa murmured. As he sat down again, the Angel turned towards Gendo's hiding place and blinked a few times. "Who's there?" he asked.

So, just like Rei, this Angel knew when he was being watched.

Without bothering to say anything in response, Gendo removed the glove from his right hand and dashed out from behind the rubble. He aimed his palm at Nagisa, and tendrils of orange energy snaked out from the Adam embryo fused there, racing eagerly towards the Seventeenth Angel.

"Mother?" said Nagisa, frozen in place like a deer caught in headlights as he stared at the Adam embryo.

Seemingly elated by the lack of resistance, the tendrils moved faster and faster, wrapping themselves around the Angel until he was practically cocooned in them. It was only when they tried to pull him off the statue that the boy finally seemed to comprehend his predicament. Nagisa's A.T. Field flared into view, and the concentric orange octagons quickly severed the projections of Adam's power that had ensnared him.

As if recognizing its new master, the collapsing cocoon rolled itself into a glowing ball at Nagisa's feet, which the Angel then picked up and hurled in Gendo's direction.

With a self-assured grin, Gendo raised his hand to protect himself using an A.T. Field, only to find that he hadn't been Nagisa's true target. Instead, the nearby rubble was blasted into dust, creating a thick cloud that made it impossible to see where the Angel was.

It was a clever trick. But not clever enough. Gendo's right arm pulsed as he focused his will into Adam's power once more, and his feet left the ground as he flew high above the dust cloud, firing a powerful energy burst towards Nagisa the instant he spotted the meddlesome Angel.

Nagisa looked startled, clearly not expecting to see Gendo fly, but he still had enough presence of mind to deflect the attack and then take to the sky in pursuit of his opponent. "What have you done?" Nagisa cried. His eyes were wide with fright, but seemingly not for himself. Fear for Gendo, then? How amusing. "Simply having the Adam embryo on your palm shouldn't be enough to grant the ability of flight!" the Angel continued frantically, "How far has the contamination spread?"

As if Adam herself wanted to answer the child's question, Gendo's arm pulsed again, rather painfully this time. His sleeve rippled, as if restless serpents dwelled underneath, and the feeling slithered upwards as the blood vessels on the side of his neck widened to allow more power to flow through them. Gendo's right eye tingled with a sensation akin to a small fire dancing within it, and soon flames were also dancing on the outside as he used his expanding power to set part of the sky ablaze, trapping Nagisa in the airborne inferno.

"Stop this!" Nagisa shouted, a command seemingly aimed at the lake as well as Gendo, for a column of water shot straight up into the air and then spiraled outwards like the multiple arms of a galaxy, extinguishing the flames. The resulting clouds of steam encircled the Angel, giving him an almost otherworldly appearance as he proclaimed, "Adam is a Seed of Life. It is foolish to think that you can use her in such a manner without consequences! If her contamination continues to develop throughout your body, you will not be able to control her. She will consume you!"

Gendo's only reply was to summon even more fire to attack the Angel. Once he successfully commenced Instrumentality, whatever happened to his body would no longer matter, for crude flesh would be a thing of the past. His soul and Shinji's soul would be reunited with Yui, and they would be a family again. Forever.

The battle raged on, with so many explosions and orange octagons being flung back and forth across the sky that it seemed as if the gods were at war… or as if a fireworks factory had been hijacked by a crazed mathematician. And it was completely unnecessary. Gendo did not yet have access to Adam's full power, so Nagisa should have been able to defeat him in an instant. But as predicted, the foolish Angel was holding back, doubtlessly because he did not want to harm the father of his precious friend Shinji. Yes, the fight had confirmed Gendo's expectations. This was perfect.

The explosions came to a halt when Gendo's cell phone suddenly made a cash register sound. "Time for that again?" he said, pulling on his right glove to cover the Adam embryo.

No matter. It would not stop him from reaching his goal. Nothing could stop him now.

* * *

"Time for this again?" said Ritsuko, as a can of UCC Coffee suddenly appeared in her hand and Misato materialized out of thin air next to her, also holding a can of coffee.

"Well, Nerv racks up an awful lot of expenses, so we need to raise funds somehow," said Maya, posing with her own can of coffee as camera flashes lit up the van's interior, "Besides, it's nice to see that they want pictures of us once in a while, instead of just the pilots all the time. There really aren't enough ads featuring you, Ma'am… I've been having trouble finding more pictures of you to put on my bedroom ceiling."

Ritsuko sighed. "Yeah, I guess we have to… wait, you're putting what on your bedroom ceiling?"

"Er… oh look, the camera is ready again!" Maya said quickly, striking another pose.

In between camera flashes, Misato turned to Ritsuko and whispered, "By the way, the Kaworu choir's brilliant plan is to translate an alien message that will allow us to find some obscure weapon. We don't know what it is, or how it works, except that it's called the Ihsadat and it spreads hope. Oh, and that headless Adam statue is somehow involved."

"What? Misato, that's the most ridiculous plan I've ever heard!" Ritsuko exclaimed, "Putting all our hopes on something so vague isn't brilliant; it's suicide! I don't even need the Magi to tell me that the odds of this plan succeeding are practically nil!"

Misato beamed. "Perfect! Thanks, Ritsuko!"

* * *

Sitting together on the lakeshore near the Adam statue, Gendo and Nagisa sipped at their cans of UCC Coffee, watching the water sparkle from the light of so many camera flashes.

"Rough week?" the Angel asked him, posing for the cameras as he did so.

"Definitely," Gendo grunted, rubbing at his stiff neck. Damn stress. "Seele wouldn't stop demanding answers, I was surrounded by incompetent employees, and to top it all off, Rei used a Taser on me!"

"She did that to save you," said Nagisa, looking at the glinting lake water with a sad expression, "She does not wish to see you destroy yourself. And neither do I."

Gendo took another sip of coffee to hide his smile.

* * *

When Misato suddenly reappeared back inside the Yggdrasil, all the Kaworus were so surprised that they jumped back.

"Clearly, we have underestimated the power of UCC Coffee," said Chiefworu.

Misato grinned at Shinji and the Kaworus, giving them a thumbs-up. "Okay, you guys have won me over. I think this plan is going to work!"

"Really?" said Shinji, blinking in confusion, "What changed your mind?"

"Ritsuko told me that the plan couldn't possibly succeed!" Misato said gleefully. She clapped her hands together in delight.

Shinji looked helplessly at the Kaworus, but they didn't seem to get it, either. "Uh, Misato, I don't see how that would change your mind."

"Whenever I come up with a crazy battle plan, Ritsuko says that it won't work and the odds are completely against it… and then the plan succeeds!" said Misato, nearly jumping up and down in her enthusiasm, "So now that Ritsuko says this mission is ridiculous and doomed to failure, that means we're good to go!"

* * *

Still fighting in the GeoFront, Asuka grunted as an MP Eva slammed into her. That grunt quickly turned to a groan, as several cans of UCC Coffee suddenly appeared inside her entry plug, floating around in the LCL. She liked modeling for advertisements, but boy did they have bad timing! With a resigned sigh, she grabbed a can of coffee with one hand while still working her Eva's controls with the other hand.

"This is for the victims of Second Impact!" she shouted, as Unit-02 leapt onto the nearest Mass Production Eva and smashed its skull open like a watermelon. The resulting red stuff that spurted out certainly made her think of a watermelon, at any rate. Raising the bloodied MP Eva above her head, Asuka twisted its body until the torso split open. More of the red liquid emerged, pouring down onto Unit-02 and anointing her as the victor. And there were still many more victories to be had on this day.

"This is for the people who lost their homes in the flooding and wars that came after Second Impact!" she said, slamming another Seele Eva into the artificial lake and then stabbing her target in the head with her Progressive Knife. The blade broke off, but a quick press from Unit-02's thumb sent a new blade extending from the handle. "This is for Mama!" she exclaimed, using her Prog Knife's new blade to slice through the next MP Eva's arm, relishing the satisfying crash as the severed limb hit the ground. She continued stabbing at the one-armed Eva until her Prog Knife shattered completely.

Meanwhile, the First Child ran back and forth along Unit-02's umbilical cable, holding up an A.T Field like an oversized umbrella as she repelled the ferocious harpies from the red Evangelion's power source.

"This is for Kaji!" Asuka continued, snapping the neck of the MP Eva she was currently tussling with. Letting go of its now limp body, she picked up her fallen foe's weapon, a large double-bladed sword. Using her new acquisition to attack the other Mass Production Evas, she shouted at them with each strike she made. "This is for Suzuhara! Yeah, Suzuhara is a moron, but he still didn't deserve to be dragged into all this Eva conspiracy crap! And… um, this is for the penguins who lost their continent when Antarctica got blown up! And… and… this is for my goldfish! Okay, my goldfish died of natural causes, but it feels good to blame somebody, damn it!"

The defeated MP Evas fell to the ground, as red geysers sprayed from their broken bodies in tribute to the scarlet warrior who had bested them. The few that remained standing began to circle Asuka slowly, showing a lot more caution now.

Posing proudly like the awesome action hero that she was, Asuka opened the can of UCC Coffee with a triumphant grin… and let out another groan as the coffee came out in a dark cloud that stained the LCL brown. "Damn… forgot where I was."

_**Well, at least it tastes good**_ , said Mama with a giggle.

The remaining Mass Production Evas snarled for Asuka's attention.

"Can't you see I'm trying to have a coffee break here?" Asuka snarled back.

* * *

"Wow," said Shinji, as Babyworu led him into a huge auditorium. The walls were made of tightly woven tree branches inlaid with computer circuitry, and the floor was covered with luxuriously thick carpeting in a shade of blue that reminded Shinji of water… which was quite fitting, because the ceiling was made of real water! More specifically, it appeared to be the lake that the Kaworus had been fishing from before, because Shinji could see piano keys swimming around in it. Were they underground, below the bottom of the lake? Or had the lake raised itself into the air, and was now floating above this chamber? And what was keeping the water from pouring in?

"This part of the Yggdrasil was redesigned for the purpose of mass synchronization," said Babyworu, as he guided Shinji onto a large stage at one end of the auditorium. Babyworu's kittens trotted after them in an orderly line, like ducklings following their mother.

Shinji looked around in awe at all the Kaworus in the audience. He still couldn't believe there were so many of them! They all had laptops, but the regular computer keyboards had been replaced by the miniature piano keyboards they had recently finished building. They had also put on cat-eared interface headsets exactly like the one that Babyworu was wearing. Sunlight shone through the watery ceiling, creating rippling patterns of light that almost made it seem as if the Kaworus were glowing.

Misato walked beside Shinji, chuckling at the sight of all the illuminated Angel catboys. "Ritsuko is going to be upset that she missed this!" she said.

There was a chair made out of an enormous flower on the center of the stage, and Babyworu gestured for Shinji to sit down. He complied, letting out a gasp and then a relaxed sigh as the flower petals changed their shape to give his body just the right amount of support.

"Is it comfortable, Shinji? We can grow you another chair if this one isn't to your liking," said Babyworu, running his hands along the flower's large petals and leaves as if checking for rough edges.

"This is the most comfy chair I've ever sat in," Shinji assured him, "And it smells like a giant air freshener!"

"Good," said Babyworu, before looking down at the kitten in Shinji's arms. "Lazarus, are you ready?"

"Meow!"

The little white kitten began to glow, his body becoming thinner and more transparent until all that was left was a cat-eared interface headset, although unlike the opaque ones worn by the Kaworus, this one was clear and shone like crystal.

"Lazarus!" Shinji cried out, his heart pounding. Had that sweet little kitten been resurrected just so he could be turned into _this_?

"It's okay, Shinji!" said Babyworu, picking up the headset and stroking it as if it were still a living cat, "He wanted to do this, to help you. He's fine, and it's only temporary. Right, Lazarus?"

"Meow," said the headset, its crystalline ears twitching an affirmative.

As Babyworu carefully placed the transformed Lazarus onto Shinji's head, Chiefworu walked onto the stage and patted Shinji's arm soothingly. "Lazarus will enable all of us to connect with you safely," Chiefworu explained, "This is because Lazarus is a kitten and therefore has ultimate mastery over time and space – the only thing that comes close to having that level of mastery is UCC Coffee, apparently – so he'll allow us to achieve mass synchronization without damaging your mind or tearing reality apart. We won't even need to use LCL, which is good because that stuff would ruin the carpeting in here."

"Speaking of time and space… There are other Shinji Ikaris living in alternate dimensions, right?" said Shinji, "So why are you asking me to do this, and not one of them?" Shinji didn't feel the least bit worthy of all this attention. What if the Kaworus had mistaken him for a much better Shinji from a different universe? What if they should have asked RoboShinji instead?

Babyworu knelt in front of Shinji's chair and looked up at him adoringly. "I have asked many Shinjis to take care of Lazarus, but _you_ were the one who said yes," Babyworu stated in a reverent voice that was barely above a whisper, "You chose him, and so he chooses you!"

Shinji still wasn't sure that he deserved any kind of special distinction, but Babyworu's words still made him feel warm and happy. Really, really happy… A purring sound came from Shinji's throat, and his eyes widened. "What was that?!" he exclaimed, as the telltale heat of a blush crept across his face.

"Meow," the Lazarus headset said apologetically.

Misato looked horrified. "Are you absolutely certain this is safe?"

"We would never want to jeopardize Shinji," said Chiefworu, "We have run numerous system tests to make sure there is no danger. And since you are here, Major Katsuragi, you can help Shinji as well! Although it is impossible for this system to cause him any physical harm, mass synchronization can produce vivid dreams and emotions, and the rest of us might be too occupied with the translation process to notice in a timely manner. So if Shinji looks the least bit stressed, we ask you to please remove his headset so he can take a break. We may be on a tight schedule, but we're not going to sacrifice Shinji's well-being for that."

Hundreds of Kaworus nodded in agreement.

"You can count on me!" Misato said, sitting down next to Shinji on one side while Babyworu sat next to Shinji on the other side. The flower chair expanded into a couch in order to hold all three of them. Babyworu's kittens curled up at their feet and promptly went back to sleep.

"Beginning text projection!" said Chiefworu, waving a stick that looked like a conductor's baton. It didn't seem to Shinji that anything was happening at first, but then Chiefworu glanced over at him and Misato, saying, "Oh, right! I should use a different color instead of rueoc. Sorry about that." A ribbon of silver light emerged from the tip of the baton, undulating through the air and forming a series of intricate shapes linked together by curly lines, spreading and flourishing like a succession of complex blossoms connected by looping tendrils. So this was the final message that the Kaworus needed to translate? Shinji could see why the Kaworus had initially mistaken it for a decoration.

A large piece of sheet music unfurled above Shinji, and the other Kaworus began typing at their piano-computers, a flurry of movement and music. What was that strange, rapid tune they were playing? It didn't sound like any classical music that Shinji had ever heard. And no, it didn't sound like death metal either.

To Shinji's surprise, Misato began to hum the tune.

"You know this music?" he asked her.

"It's the Meow Mix theme," Misato said with a giggle, "It's a cat food commercial."

"Meow!" said Lazarus' excited voice from Shinji's headset, and Shinji laughed as he felt the cat ears beginning to vibrate. It tickled!

"Meow!" all the other Kaworus' headsets replied, their cat ears vibrating in perfect unison. The Kaworus laughed as they felt the same tickling sensation.

"Ritsuko is going to be really, really upset that she missed this!" said Misato.

"Are all of your headsets actually kittens that transformed, too?" Shinji asked.

Chiefworu shook his head. "No, they're artificial, based on Lazarus' data."

"Ready to start the A10 nerve connection!" Sailorworu called out.

A heavy yet comforting sensation of warmth washed over Shinji, and that heaviness filled every part of him, including his eyelids. His head slumped forward as he closed his eyes…

Shinji found himself floating in a sea of light, immersed in a blissful feeling that he couldn't quite name. It reminded him of the strange calming effect he sometimes experienced while sitting in an entry plug before a battle, except magnified. So was this what it was like, to sync with so many people who loved you?

The feelings intensified. It was like being enveloped by a blanket of sunshine and smiles and tender embraces. It was darkness being filled with starlight, silence being filled with music, a barren landscape being filled with the scent of the seashore.

Sensations gave way to images, and Shinji could see brief glimpses of various Kaworus flickering past his eyes. Memories! They were memories! It was as if every Shinji's recollections of every Kaworu from every timeline were all coming together, and now Shinji was getting a quick scan of the highlights. Yes, it was like skimming a collective diary at top speed. The Shinji Ikari Collective Diary (Reader's Digest condensed version).

Sailorworu meeting Shinji at a train station.

Chiefworu visiting Shinji's home for a sleepover.

Sputnikworu inviting Shinji to a concert.

Rangerworu fighting a "monster" that was actually a guy in a rubber suit.

Transferworu, Smoochworu, Lunchworu, Forgottenworu. So many worus.

Faster and faster the memories whipped by, and Shinji basked in the recollections of empathy and friendship… until everything came to an eerie halt. And then, with agonizing slowness, Shinji saw a memory of Chiefworu standing before him, pulling his shirt open to reveal his Angel core and shouting "Here, Yggdrasil… _Here_! Here's your core! I'm back!"… right before a dozen tree branches drove themselves into Chiefworu's body, drove themselves _through_ his body. Blood spilled out of the dying Angel, but the vermilion liquid became flowers upon touching the floor, as Chiefworu became part of the tree.

The warm feelings that Shinji had enjoyed before were immediately replaced by an icy sensation of pure horror at what he had just witnessed. Yes, Chiefworu had previously spoken of giving himself to the Yggdrasil in order to save the Shinji of his timeline. But he certainly hadn't mentioned that the merging had been so traumatic!

With that same haunting slowness, memories of other Kaworus' deaths or disappearances ghosted by.

Sailorworu succumbing to his Angelic instincts, so that Shinji had no choice but to crush him in Unit-01's hands.

Forgottenworu's image fading from a photograph, as Shinji pleaded for him to come back.

Lunchworu being devoured by Evangelion Unit Beta. (Well, at least that explained his nickname.)

Shinji tried to run towards the dying Kaworus, desperate to do something even though he was simply observing events that had already happened. But he could not move. He tried to scream, but no sound came out. There was nothing he could do. No, he _was_ nothing. Just a worthless, weak coward who kept surviving while all these Kaworus kept dying, even they were far more deserving of survival than he was. So much braver, stronger, kinder, and smarter. The Kaworus were rare gems being ground to dust while a mere pebble was spared, or roses throwing themselves into a plow blade to protect a useless patch of _dirt_. Shinji didn't deserve this kind of love and sacrifice! He was unworthy, he was pathetic, he was…

"SHINJI!"

His eyes flew open, and he was back on the flower couch in the Yggdrasil's auditorium. Shinji's face felt wet, and for a moment he thought the lake that formed room's ceiling had started to rain down, but as his mind became more awake he realized that the streaks of water were his tears.

Misato was looking at him with concern, and the headset formerly known as Lazarus was clutched in her hand. "What happened?" she said, using her free hand to rub his back in an effort to calm him, "You started thrashing and crying! Was it a nightmare?" The hand holding the Lazarus headset moved away from Shinji, as if Misato was afraid that he might try to put the device back on.

"Are you going to hyperventilate?" said Babyworu, who was still seated on Shinji's other side, "I have a paper bag if you need it!" Reaching into a pocket in his pajamas, Babyworu pulled out a crumpled wad of brown paper.

"Why do you keep a paper bag in your pajamas?" asked Misato.

Shinji did not hear whatever Babyworu's response was, because the enormity of what he had just seen began racing through his mind again. Yes, he had already known that all the Kaworus here in the Yggdrasil had died for him, but that knowledge still couldn't prepare him for actually seeing all those deaths. All of that pain and suffering, just to help someone as pitiful as Shinji? The fact that some of them were actually alternate universe versions of Shinji rather than himself didn't help. It just meant that every version of Shinji Ikari was a horrible screw-up. "Stop… just stop this!" he cried, "Stop trying to make me happy! I don't deserve this! I don't deserve any of it!" With that, he leapt off the stage and ran down the nearest corridor, ignoring the multitude of pleas for him to come back.

Of course he couldn't go back. How could he ever face the Kaworus again? How could he ever face anyone again?

TO BE CONTINUED

Next chapter: Shinji thinks that he doesn't deserve to be friends with any of the Kaworus, but what's the real story behind the TABRIS Project? Which Kaworu originally came up with the idea for it, and why? The truth will be revealed! Also, Asuka and Rei continue their fight against the Mass Production Evangelions. Will Asuka survive this time, or is history doomed to repeat itself? Don't miss Chapter 5 of The Happy Red Planet, "Love is (not) destructive." There will be fan service, too!

Author's notes: As many of you probably noticed, this chapter had quite a few references to various Evangelion spinoffs and merchandise. For example, Kaworu ("Chiefworu") sacrificing himself to the Yggdrasil was from Campus Apocalypse, and the incident with Kaworu ("Babyworu") and the kitten was from Yoshiyuki Sadamoto's Neon Genesis Evangelion manga. These references were mainly just for fun and are not crucial to the overall plot of this fan fic, though, so don't worry if you're only familiar with the original anime continuity. Still, for those of you who are curious, below is a list explaining where each of the Kaworus came from. Please be aware that some of the following descriptions may contain spoilers for various Evangelion continuities. Okay, here we go…

**Babyworu** was from the Neon Genesis Evangelion manga by Yoshiyuki Sadamoto. He only lived for nine days outside of the LCL tube. In this fan fic, he has learned a lot from the other Kaworus and has become somewhat less blunt as a result, but he's still pretty quirky despite his claims of being "less weird".

**Transferworu** was from the Neon Genesis Evangelion Proposal, a basic pitch of the Evangelion story that Gainax used to promote the series. According to the outline, Kaworu was going to appear in an episode called "The Cat and the Transfer Student". Transferworu was only briefly mentioned in this fic because the Proposal gives very little details about him, but as the episode title implies, he was supposed to be an Angel in the form of a child accompanied by a cat.

**Sailorworu** was from the first draft of the episode 24 script. He was described as having hair the color of honey, and wearing a dark blue sailor outfit. Later on his body transformed into a more Angel-like appearance, with a visible core on his torso. You can actually see a rough sketch of his Angel form in a book called the Neon Genesis Evangelion Newtype 100% Collection.

**Smoochworu** was from the second draft of the episode 24 script. He was only briefly mentioned in this fan fic. As for why he's called "Smoochworu"… well, those who have read the second draft know the answer to that one. Heh.

**Rangerworu** was from After the End, an audio drama on a CD called Neon Genesis Evangelion: Addition. After the End was a funny omake about the Evangelion characters being told that they're going to get a second season, so they had to find new ideas for episodes. One of the suggestions was to turn Evangelion into a sentai program, like Power Rangers. However, every idea turned out to be a (hilarious) disaster, and the show was cancelled.

**Sputnikworu** was from the Girlfriend of Steel 2 video game. Towards the end of the game, the Evangelion pilots were all transferred to different parts of the world. Kaworu was apparently relocated to "Sputnik". I assumed that meant he had joined the Russian space program, so I made him the TABRIS Project's lead scientist. (By the way, this is the Kaworu who spoke Russian in the very first chapter of this fan fic. See, I was actually going somewhere with that!)

**Forgottenworu** was from the Angelic Days manga by Fumino Hayashi. This was a manga adaptation of Girlfriend of Steel 2, but instead of getting transferred to "Sputnik", Kaworu disappeared and everybody's memories of him were erased. Ouch. He was only briefly mentioned in this fic, because the manga was unclear on why he had to vanish and I didn't want to go off on a bizarre tangent trying to explain this.

**Chiefworu** was from the Campus Apocalypse manga by Mingming. He sacrificed himself to the Yggdrasil in order to save Shinji. In this fan fic, becoming part of the Yggdrasil put him in touch with Kaworus from other dimensions, and he was chosen to be the leader of the TABRIS Project.

**Lunchworu** was from the Detective Evangelion video game (not to be confused with The Shinji Ikari Detective Diary manga, which was a separate continuity with a completely different story). He was only briefly mentioned in this fic. The other Kaworus nicknamed him "Lunchworu" because he was devoured by Evangelion Unit Beta. Yikes!

**Woruworu** is the main Kaworu of this fan fic. He's supposed to be Kaworu from the original Neon Genesis Evangelion anime, but after having gone through multiple timeloops. He's a bit more emotionally vulnerable than the Kaworu we saw in the anime, due to the pain of multiple lifetimes' worth of failures.

The Kaworus hanging out in the Yggdrasil are supposed to be Kaworus who died or had other types of unhappy endings (although I was kind of stretching the definition of "unhappy ending" for Rangerworu, who merely had to suffer the cancellation of his show, and Sputnikworu, who was simply transferred out of Japan). Therefore, I didn't include Kaworus who had relatively positive endings, such as the ones from the Petit Eva anime, the Petit Eva manga by Ryusuke Hamamoto, the other Petit Eva manga by Maki Oozora, and from The Shinji Ikari Detective Diary manga by Takumi Yoshimura. I also didn't include Kaworu from The Shinji Ikari Raising Project video game, because depending on the choices you make, it's possible for him to get a good ending there as well. (In this fan fic, Kaworus who had happy endings are still alive in their respective universes.)

As for The Shinji Ikari Raising Project manga adaptation by Osamu Takahashi, Kaworu has been missing from the story for several volumes and I have no idea what happened to him there. I also didn't include the New Theatrical Edition (AKA "Rebuild") version of Kaworu, because there's one movie left to go and I don't know yet how that continuity is going to end. (There were still a few minor shout-outs to the New Theatrical Edition in this fic, though.) I left out Ikuto Yamashita's ANIMA light novel because I don't know enough about that story to feel confident using it, which is the same reason why I didn't use the Super Robot Wars games and several other video games as well. Lastly, I didn't include Tabris-XX from the Angel Chromosome-XX series of figurines, because she was made by crossing Kaworu's DNA with Lilin DNA… in other words, she's technically Kaworu's _daughter_ , not an alternate Kaworu.

Okay, that's everything. Thanks again for reading this story, and feedback would be greatly appreciated! See you next chapter!

-Literary Eagle, 2014


	5. Love is (not) destructive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to the fifth chapter! Thanks for sticking with this story, and extra special thanks to those of you who took the time to give me feedback!
> 
> Legal disclaimer (to keep my imaginary lawyer happy): I don't own Neon Genesis Evangelion. It belongs to Hideaki Anno and Gainax/Khara.

Once the entry plug's filtration system had cleared all that annoying UCC Coffee out of the LCL, it was time for Asuka to get back to business. Gripping Unit-02's controls, she shouted, "Heads up!" as she took a flying leap at the remaining Mass Production Evangelions. "Or should I say… arm off!" she added, as she tore off the nearest MP Eva's arm and proceeded to clobber her opponent with its own severed appendage.

"Why are you hitting yourself? Why are you hitting yourself? Why are you hitting yourself?" the First Child said to the Mass Production Eva, as Asuka continued to strike at it with the detached arm.

"Not bad, First Child!" said Asuka, nodding at the little blue and white figure clinging to Unit-02's umbilical cable, "Your sense of humor is getting better!"

Asuka's praise was interrupted by her disarmed (heh) opponent letting out an enraged howl. In response, she shrugged and said, "Fine, I'll return it to you!" With that, she shoved the severed arm right into the MP Eva's mouth.

Undeterred, the eyeless abomination grabbed Unit-02 and attempted to pull her arms off in retaliation.

"Point blank, smeghead!" Asuka retorted, as she used the needle gun in Unit-02's right shoulder pylon to launch a bunch of spikes into the Mass Production Eva's skull, sending her opponent crashing to the ground with its fallen allies. "Seven down, two to go," she said, grinning at the pair of MP Evas that remained standing. Flinging herself at one of them, she shoved it right into a building, then pulled it out of the crumbling wreckage and tossed it at the remaining Mass Production Eva as a distraction. "One to go!" she shouted, as she ran up to the last MP Eva before it could shake off its comrade's broken body. Asuka punched right through the Eva corpse and then commanded Unit-02's fist to keep moving forward, thrusting into the remaining Mass Production Eva's torso and gleefully squeezing its insides, imagining that she was crushing the men of Seele in her hand…

A double-bladed sword that had belonged to one of the defeated MP Evas unexpectedly came flying towards her, pointed directly at Unit-02's head. Asuka immediately withdrew Unit-02's arm from the two mangled MP Evas, raising her hand to spread out Mama's A.T. Field. _You can't do anything! Not with Mama protecting me!_

As if it were reacting to her unspoken taunt, the sword's form twisted and warped into a pole weapon with sharp twin prongs. Asuka's eyes widened. "The Spear of Longinus?" she said incredulously, remembering how it had slain the Fifteenth Angel with ease. When did Seele manage to recover the Spear?

No… this weapon was gray rather than red. A copy, then? Seele had figured out how to duplicate the Longinus Spear? Was it as strong as the original? The answer to the last question came all too soon, as the two prongs began to pierce their way through Mama's A.T. Field.

"No!" Asuka screamed, trying through sheer willpower to strengthen Unit-02's A.T. Field. But the Spear pushed inexorably forward, and the precious barrier began to fail.

_**I'm sorry, Asuka**_ , said Mama, _**It's too strong… I'm so sorry…**_

"No!" said Asuka, "It can't end like this!" They had just been reunited! They couldn't lose now! But the A.T. Field collapsed, and Asuka screamed at the unfairness of it all. The scream echoed throughout the entry plug, as Asuka braced for the inevitable.

However, what Asuka had heard wasn't an echo, but another girl's voice. With an uncharacteristically loud war cry, the First Child flew through the air, as orange lightning crackled all around her. Like a white and orange missile, she collided against the Spear at top speed, and despite her much smaller size she successfully knocked it off course. The Spear went crashing into the wreckage of an MP Eva, and did not rise again.

"Unlike the true Spear of Longinus, it appears that a duplicate Spear cannot defeat a Seed of Life," said the First, as the orange lightning that surrounded her began to fade away, "That is… most fortunate." She remained floating in front of Unit-02 for a few seconds longer, before her powers appeared to give out and she plummeted towards the ground.

Unit-02's hand shot out and caught the small girl. "It hasn't been a full 48 hours since you had those waffles, remember? Don't overdo it, you idiot," said Asuka, before she slumped back in her seat and fought back tears of relief. "Seriously though… thanks, Blue."

"No problem, Red," said the First with a small smile, as her eyelids began to close.

However, the attempt at resting turned out to be premature, as a loud popping sound brought the tranquility to an abrupt end.

"What the hell was that?" said Asuka, tensing as her heart began to race again. Could it be another surprise weapon?

Both girls looked towards the direction the sound had originated from, and saw that the diverted Spear had caused an entry plug to eject from the wrecked MP Eva it had hurtled into.

"Oh, right," said Asuka, relaxing slightly, "They're Evangelions, so of course there would be entry plugs. Wait… what does that say?" With a quick mental command, Asuka made Unit-02's optical sensors zoom in on the word printed along the side of the plug. " _Mein Gott_ ," she whispered, as she recognized that the word was a name. The name of someone she knew.

_Kaworu_.

* * *

"I must run away, I must run away, I must run away!" Shinji panted. He raced past an elegant fountain that appeared to be emitting maple syrup rather than water, and then dashed through a majestic ballroom illuminated by chandeliers with crystal piano keys, before finding a way outside and running past a hot springs resort. The Yggdrasil's lovely sights gave Shinji no comfort, though. They just reminded him that so many Kaworus had died that they needed such a huge and complex headquarters to house them all. And it was entirely Shinji's fault. He didn't deserve their friendship at all! That was why he had to run far away from the Kaworus, so they would stop wasting their kindness on him.

The only problem was that he couldn't get far enough, because he had no idea how to leave the Yggdrasil.

With his lungs burning painfully as he ran out of breath, Shinji finally came to a halt in a field of forget-me-nots. Rising from the center of this sea of pale blue flowers was a grand piano, and next to it stood a tree with foliage that seemed to form a heart shape. It wasn't until Shinji stumbled over to the instrument and practically collapsed with exhaustion onto the piano bench that he noticed the tree was actually two trees with their trunks entwined.

"Well, you sure run faster than your past selves… Been working out, or something?"

"Gaaaaah!" Shinji exclaimed, half-leaping off the bench as he turned his head to see that Babyworu was sitting right next to him, in all his pajama-clad glory. Shinji's arms flailed for a moment as he fought to regain his balance, but he soon lost the battle with gravity and fell over, crashing into the twin trees. Moments later, gravity had another gift for him, as a bird's nest fell out of the branches and plopped onto Shinji's face.

"Are you okay?" said Babyworu, reaching out to help Shinji up.

"Oh, I'm just peachy," Shinji replied, spitting out twigs and feathers as he sat on the bench again, "And in answer to your previous question, I guess that I run fast because running away is all I'm good at. I'm so pathetic, and a coward…"

"Shinji…"

"You Kaworus are the ones who should have survived. You're so much kinder, and braver, and wiser…"

Babyworu's eyes widened in horror. "Wiser? You think that _we're_ wiser than you? Oh no, you're delirious! You must be seriously ill!" He placed a hand against Shinji's forehead, trying to check his temperature. "How bad has the fever gotten?"

"What? I do not have a fever!" said Shinji, backing away from Babyworu's touch, "Stop being nice to me! I don't deserve it…!"

"But you clearly need medical attention!" Babyworu insisted, continuing to lean forward as Shinji continued to lean away. Naturally, they both toppled over, crashing into the twin trees. Two more birds' nests fell out and landed upon their heads, as if to crown them for their fine achievement in double-clumsiness.

Shinji groaned, then coughed and sputtered as he nearly swallowed a feather. "How many birds are living in those trees?!"

"They're _very_ nice trees," Babyworu said with a shrug, before returning the nests to their respective branches and then helping Shinji back onto the piano bench. "Your temperature seems normal, so what's wrong?"

"Everything about me is wrong!" said Shinji, wringing his hands, "You Kaworus are good people, the ones who should be surviving, and yet you keep dying for someone as awful as me…"

"Shinji…"

"Even when there are things about the Lilin that you don't comprehend, you try so hard to improve your understanding! I never try hard enough to understand people. I'm just so useless and selfish…"

"Um, Shinji…"

"…and I'm pathetic, and a coward… I know I said that already, but I'm so pathetic and cowardly that it needs to be repeated…"

"Just listen to me for a second, will you?!" Babyworu exclaimed, pulling a spoon filled with peanut butter out of heaven-knows-where and sticking it into Shinji's mouth.

"Mmf?" was Shinji's eloquent reply, as the peanut butter kept his jaws stuck together. At least it tasted better than the birds' nests.

"The mass synchronization caused you to have a bad dream, is that it?" asked Babyworu.

Still unable to speak, Shinji nodded in reply.

"Hmm… I've heard that Lilin sometimes have scary dreams about falling. Did you dream that you were falling?"

Shinji shook his head.

"Oh. Then was it that Lilin dream about being naked in public? You Lilin have a curious fear about being seen without clothing."

Shinji shook his head again.

"Did you dream that you were riding on a train which represented your own personal hell, while people talked to you about weird philosophical stuff? And with music composed by Shiro Sagisu playing in the background?"

That was… oddly specific, but it still wasn't the right answer. Shinji shook his head yet again.

"Then… did you have a dream that showed a multitude of memories spanning different timelines and dimensions, including memories of various Kaworus dying?" asked Babyworu.

Bingo. Shinji nodded miserably.

"Oh," said Babyworu, lowering his eyes in regret. "I'm sorry, Shinji. I didn't realize that could happen. Whenever I tested the system, I dreamed about macaroni and cheese. Well, except for that one time I dreamed that I was a penguin and Rei was a butterfly… and we did a lot of swimming for some reason. I guess the system works differently for everybody." His feet, which were covered in slippers designed to resemble cat paws, kicked absently at the air for several seconds before he added, "Hey, did you get to see any memories about me in your dream?"

Shinji shook his head.

"Okay," said Babyworu, appearing to nod to himself. He gently pressed a hand against Shinji's forehead once again, although he didn't seem to be checking for a fever. "I'm going to show you a memory from my timeline. Not one of Shinji Ikari's memories from that time, but one of my own…"

* * *

"Those two sure run fast," Misato grumbled, struggling to catch up with Shinji and Babyworu, "Damn, which way did they go?"

"Meow," said the Lazarus headset, which was still clasped in her hand.

"What's that, Lazzie? Timmy fell down the well?" said Misato, chuckling at her own joke. She stopped laughing when she began to feel a slight tugging sensation in that hand. "What the… hey!" she said, as the cat-eared headset suddenly dragged her towards a field of light blue flowers, "If you want me to go that way, just say so!"

"Meow," the headset apologized, and stopped pulling.

Heading in the direction that Lazarus had indicated, Misato spotted Babyworu and Shinji sitting on a piano bench, with their backs turned to the instrument. Shinji looked extremely upset as he spoke to Babyworu, causing Misato to hesitate. She crouched behind some shrubbery at the edge of the field, wondering whether or not she should join the conversation.

Just then, the headset pulled her hand again, but instead of dragging her off in another direction, her hand came flying towards her own head, and Misato had to duck in order to avoid accidentally punching herself in the face. "Stop that!" she said to Lazarus in a harsh whisper.

"Meow," the headset said sheepishly, guiding her hand towards her head at a slower pace this time.

"Oh, you want me to wear you?" she said, slipping the cat ears onto her head. Clarity entered her mind as soon as she had finished doing that. "I see… Babyworu helped you to find a home, so now you want to do something for him in return? You want me to sync with him, so I'll understand him better?" Even though she now trusted the Kaworus more than she had at the beginning of this strange adventure (partly because they were such nice people, and partly because they were clearly too clueless to be evil masterminds), the thought of being able to look into a Kaworu's thoughts was pretty tempting. Just to make extra sure that these guys really were as nice as they seemed. But… was it okay for her to do something like this, or was it going too far?

"Okay," she heard Babyworu say, as he nodded towards the shrub that Misato was hiding behind. He then placed his hand against Shinji's forehead, saying, "I'm going to show you a memory from my timeline. Not one of Shinji Ikari's memories from that time, but one of my own…"

Misato was stunned for a moment, but then she remembered that when she had spied on the Kaworu of her timeline, he had also been aware of her presence. It must be an Angel thing. At any rate, the important part was that Babyworu had given her permission to sync with him, and so she allowed Lazarus to connect her to the memory that he was sharing with Shinji…

…Kaworu wandered the halls of Nerv headquarters. He had lost sight of Shinji Ikari and was now completely lost, but he didn't care. It was just so nice to finally be liberated from that damn tube that Seele had kept him trapped inside for so long. Everything about the outside world was really interesting, even though it was also very confusing. Kaworu's footsteps beat a cheery tune along the corridor, and soon he was doing his best imitation of a tap dance as he continued his exploration. He wasn't wearing the right shoes to get the proper sound, but it was still fun! He wished that he could fly up and dance along the ceiling as well, but Seele had warned him about using his Angel powers, especially for things they considered "frivolous" and "undignified". Oh well, maybe he could find another instrument to play, like that piano in the ruins where he'd met Ikari and the kitten. That poor little kitten… but his suffering was over now.

Kaworu's tap dancing came to a halt as he spotted a mysterious room marked with a sign. The sign had no words on it, just a picture that looked like the silhouette of a doll wearing a dress. Strange. Why would there be a toy store in the middle of Nerv headquarters? Still, he was quite pleased by the discovery. His short life had never granted him the opportunity to see a toy shop before!

He could hear a girl's voice coming from inside the store. "Why do I have to go through this just because I'm a woman?" she was saying, groaning in obvious discomfort, "I never want kids anyway!" How odd. If she didn't want kids, why was she in a toy shop?

Kaworu's curiosity was overwhelming now. As the voice continued speaking, Kaworu entered the store, only to find that there were no toys at all. There was just a girl with red-gold hair hunched over a row of sinks, trembling as she muttered to herself about her declining sync rate. Oh, and there was also a long mirror above the sinks… which was how he was able to see the girl's reflection turn to an image of shock, then of anger.

"What the – Get out of here, pervert!" she exclaimed, whirling around to glare at him. Her hair swung to the side like a curtain of flame, and her bright blue eyes darkened like storm clouds as her voice rose in volume. She was very pretty… and pretty mad. Kaworu recognized her from some of the photos in Seele's files: Asuka Langley Soryu, the Second Child. But what was that funny word she had called him?

"What's a pervert?" said Kaworu, mind reeling in bewilderment. Why was Soryu so angry at him? And where were the toys? This had to be the worst toy shop ever. Not that he had any basis for comparison.

Oh, but Soryu had been talking to herself about her sync rate going down. Maybe if he helped her, she wouldn't be so irate anymore? Smiling, he tried advising her to open her heart to the Evangelion, but somehow that just made her fury increase. She screamed at him even louder, and the next thing Kaworu knew, Shinji Ikari suddenly ran into the toy store and also began yelling. Then a lady with dark hair came in and she was yelling, too. All that noise made Kaworu's sensitive ears hurt, and his head also hurt as he became more perplexed. Why was everybody so angry with him, and where had all the toys gone? Were they in those stalls on the other side of the room?

Maybe the shop was capable of transforming. According to the information that Seele had given him, Tokyo-3 could change shape, with buildings sinking into the ground and hidden weapons springing out of secret compartments. Had the store transformed itself as well, to conceal the toys from Kaworu? Maybe Nerv didn't want him to have any. Was there some sort of hierarchy where only a select few Lilin were allowed to play with toys? That sounded so… cruel.

Maybe Seele was right. Maybe the Lilin really were only capable of hurting each other. Something inside Kaworu's chest began to ache, and he couldn't understand why. He couldn't understand anything. _Why is everyone being so mean to me?_ , he wanted to say, but his brief experience with life outside the tube had already been enough for him to realize that nobody would bother explaining it to him. For some reason, that type of knowledge was something that the Lilin guarded as jealously as their toys. Kaworu sighed. At least that poor kitten didn't have to put up with this uncaring world anymore…

…as the memory came to an end, Misato hugged her knees to her chest.

"Meow?" the headset said softly.

"Yes, I understand him now," Misato replied in a whisper. Memories of her own childhood resurfaced, and for an instant it felt as if she were locked in _that cell_ again, that horrible cell, as scientists observed her though a tiny window. "Yeah… I understand too well."

* * *

Shinji pulled the spoon out of his mouth, as he finally managed to swallow the last of the peanut butter. Not that he had any idea what to say, though. If that memory he had just witnessed was any indication, Babyworu's short life had been a very bewildered and sad existence. Shinji knew that he should try to offer some words of comfort, but as usual he was too awkward and pathetic to come up with something appropriate to say. It was further proof that Shinji was unworthy of the Kaworus' efforts to make him happy.

Babyworu was the one who broke the silence. "Seele kept me asleep in a tube of LCL for most of my life," he said, wrapping his arms around himself, "When they finally let me out, I only lived a total of nine days. I didn't know anything back then. I couldn't even tell the difference between a toy store and the ladies' room, for crying out loud!" He scowled, and the tail on his cat pajamas lashed angrily from side to side as he added, "It was all part of Seele's plan. They knew that if I lacked proper knowledge of the Lilin, I would constantly end up offending people, so everyone would get mad at me and I'd believe Seele's lies that the Lilin were evil. And… I almost fell for it."

In a testament to the kind of day he'd been having, Shinji wasn't even surprised that the tail on Babyworu's outfit could move. After everything else he'd seen in the Yggdrasil, pajamas that reacted to the wearer's mood seemed pretty mild in comparison. No, what had really piqued Shinji's curiosity was the last sentence Babyworu had uttered. "You said 'almost'? Does that mean something changed your mind?"

Babyworu smiled, and his kitty tail relaxed. "Not some _thing_ , but some _one_ : the Shinji Ikari of my timeline. During a fight with the Angel known as Armisael, I saw Rei's memories about how Shinji was kind to her, even though she was somebody like me. I started to get an idea of what love was, and that there was far more to the Lilin than just cruelty. Thanks to Shinji, I was able to see through Seele's deception."

"Wow, your Shinji did that?"

" _Every_ Shinji did that," Babyworu said firmly, "Most of the other Kaworus didn't turn out as ignorant as I was, so many of them had an appreciation for the Lilin that I had lacked in my lifetime… but the fact remains that in every universe and every timeline, Shinji Ikari's fragile yet kind heart was the final factor that helped Kaworu Nagisa to decide that the Lilin deserved to survive. And I'm sure this will continue in all future timelines as well. So if you think that Kaworu Nagisa is such a good person, then please understand that part of the reason why he's a good person is because of Shinji Ikari… because of you!"

"Because of me?" said Shinji, scarcely able to believe he had heard that correctly.

Babyworu nodded. "After Chiefworu became part of the Yggdrasil, he gathered all the other Kaworus who had died up to that point, and invited any Kaworus who died after that to join us as well. He did it so we could keep each other company, but I knew that we could do so much more. It was my idea to create a mental network that united all Kaworus, living or dead, so that we could help each other to save the Lilin and give every Shinji the happiness he deserved. And… this sharing of information was also to ensure that no other Kaworu would be lost to ignorance and deception like I had been. Don't you see? Shinji was my salvation. And I know that every other Kaworu feels the same way."

Shinji patted Babyworu on the head, and it wasn't the least bit surprising when the Angel began to purr. After all, he sure looked the part of a scruffy stray kitten. "Thank you, Babyworu. That does help a little. But even still, I want you guys to do more things for yourselves! The Kaworus who are still alive and are going to try the Mars plan in their respective universes… I want them all to turn Mars into beautiful paradises, and have lots of Angel babies, so they can have homes and families like they deserve. Okay? Promise you'll tell them to focus on making _themselves_ happy for once!"

"All right, I will. Thank you, Shinji," said Babyworu. He smiled and his voice dropped to a conspiratorial whisper, as he added, "Hey… do you want to see something cool?"

"Okay," said Shinji, charmed by Babyworu's childlike enthusiasm for whatever secret he was about to share.

The entwined trees beside the piano began to bend and stretch, until there was a space between them shaped like a doorway. Through the opening, Shinji could see the planet Earth shining like a blue and green pearl adrift in a starry ocean.

"These trees form the Time Gate," Babyworu explained, as his slipper-clad feet prodded gently at the light blue flowers on the ground in front of him. "When a Kaworu who has the ability to be reborn wants to start a new lifetime, he throws a forget-me-not through this portal."

"Incredible," said Shinji. His eyes were drawn to an inscription carved along the top of the archway formed by the two trees. "What does that say?"

"That's a quote from Henry van Dyke, which we translated into Angelic Script," Babyworu replied, "It says, _Time is too slow for those who wait_ …"

A breeze began to stir the flowers all around them.

" _Too swift for those who fear_ …"

Soft music started to play from the piano behind them, even though neither boy was touching the keys.

" _Too long for those who grieve_ …"

Additional notes came from the piano, as if a duet were being played.

" _Too short for those who rejoice_ …"

Then flowers and piano both became still once again, as Babyworu finished the quote…

" _But for those who love – time is eternity._ "

The Earth disappeared from view, as the Time Gate shrank and transformed back into two simple, entwined trees.

Shinji put his hand on the Angel's shoulder. "Babyworu… if the TABRIS Project was your idea, then you've done so much to help me, and many other Shinjis, as well as your fellow Kaworus. That's amazing. _You're_ amazing. Thank you."

Babyworu lowered his eyes. "I'm not amazing. I founded the TABRIS Project because I wanted to atone for everything I had done. Killing the kitten, and committing all sorts of other transgressions that offended people… I was the only Kaworu Nagisa who was not best friends with Shinji Ikari. I'm the bad Kaworu, the unworthy Kaworu."

"No! Don't say that about yourself!" Shinji shouted, startling not only Babyworu, but himself as well. "Uh… sorry," he said quickly in a lower voice, patting Babyworu on the head again. "What I mean to say is… your life was so short and so sad, if anyone deserves to spend his afterlife just relaxing and having fun forever, it would be you. But instead, you've devoted yourself to helping many Shinjis and Kaworus. How long have you been doing this, Babyworu? Hundreds of years?" After all, there were hundreds of Kaworus in the Yggdrasil.

Babyworu's nod was so small that it was barely perceptible.

"See? You've worked so hard, and done so much. You're not bad. You're a good person, like the other Kaworus! And… and…" Shinji sighed, as words failed him once more. "I'm sorry… I don't know a proper way to express how grateful I am."

"Then… maybe you could just hold my hand?"

"Okay."

Their fingers entwined.

"Maybe we weren't best friends during your lifetime, but I definitely see you as one of my greatest friends now," said Shinji, "And I always will. _For those who love – time is eternity._ Right?"

"Thank you, my eternal friend," said Babyworu, blinking back tears. After a pause, he looked at some shrubbery and said, "Okay, moment's over. You can come out now, Major Katsuragi."

"M-Misato?!" said Shinji, feeling his cheeks heat up as she rose from behind a shrub, wearing the Lazarus headset. Shinji cursed his hormones as he noted that Misato looked really good with cat ears.

Misato walked towards Babyworu, pausing only to remove her headset. It promptly transformed back into Lazarus the kitten, who climbed into Shinji's lap and meowed a greeting.

"Babyworu, you were kept locked up inside a tube?" she asked.

The Angel nodded.

"I was kept in isolation for a while too, after Second Impact," Misato said, kneeling so she could give Babyworu a hug, "Scientists didn't want to lose the opportunity to study someone who had gone through such an event. Apparently, just because I was mute for several years, some of them forgot that I was a child and not a thing. But you know what, even they let me have some damn toys. I'm so sorry."

"It's okay… I'm okay now," said Babyworu, purring as Misato ruffled his hair, "Thank you."

Misato let go of Babyworu, but remained kneeling so she could be at eye level with him. "Listen, I know you can't interfere with timelines that aren't your own, but are you allowed at least a little visit?" she asked.

"Depends. Why?"

"Because I want to take you to a toy store," said Misato, mussing his hair again, "A _real_ toy store. All the shops in Tokyo-3 were destroyed, but I know of a very nice one located in Tokyo-2. And I promise that nobody will hide the toys from you."

Babyworu's eyes widened. "I… I…" he swallowed several times, struggling to speak as the tears of gratitude could no longer be held back. The droplets turned into butterflies and flew away. "I should be able to do that, as long as I can sing or play music while I'm there."

"If you promise to perform at least one Kotono Mitsuishi song, then you've got yourself a deal," said Misato with a wink, "We'll go once things have settled down."

Babyworu's face broke into the most beautiful smile that Shinji had ever seen. "That would be great!" the Angel exclaimed, "Thank you, Major Katsuragi. Thank you, Shinji!"

Shinji immediately picked up Lazarus and rose to his feet. "Right, so first we need to find the Ihsadat and complete the TABRIS Project! Asuka and Rei are still fighting out there!"

"Are you sure you'll be okay, Shinji?" asked Babyworu.

"Yeah," said Shinji, keeping Lazarus cradled in one arm while holding his other hand out to help Babyworu stand up, "Thanks to you. Let's go!"

* * *

"What the hell is going on here?" Asuka demanded, looking at the Mass Production Eva's entry plug that said _Kaworu_ on the side, "Why does this plug have Special K's name on it?" Seele thought that Kaworu was dead, so what was the meaning of this? Perhaps they had been expecting Shinji to fight in this battle, and so they had planned to use Kaworu's name to taunt him, or possibly even lure him into a trap?

"Just as Nerv's dummy plug system used clones of me, Seele's system must be using clones of Kaworu," said the First Child, testing the strength of her returning powers by slowly flying closer to the MP Eva's entry plug.

"What, more Kaworus?!" said Asuka. Wasn't Shinji currently supposed to be helping Kaworu's past lives, an entire choir of Kaworus, with this TABRIS Project thing? Could there really be even more Kaworus than that? "Seriously, exactly how many Kaworus are there? This is getting ridiculous… it's like something from an inept fan fic writer!" But annoyance at weird fan fiction soon gave way to dread, as an unsettling realization dawned upon her. "Oh, crap… did these Kaworus feel pain from all the damage I did to their Evas?" Asuka wasn't the type to grieve for the enemy in a war situation – hey, it was either kill or be killed – but Kaworu wasn't an enemy. Besides, it just seemed wrong to torture someone as clueless as Kaworu. It would be like punching a baby. A really stupid baby. _Damn it, did Seele trick these Kaworus into fighting against me? Even worse, that means Seele tricked_ me _into hurting a bunch of Kaworus! Noooooo, they've sullied my epic action scene!_

"Nerv's dummy plug clones were soulless," the First reminded her, "I see no reason for Seele's system to be different."

"Okay, so they're not _real_ Kaworus," said Asuka, sighing in relief. That made sense. The ruthless dummy plug that had nearly killed Toji Suzuhara certainly hadn't been acting at all like the actual First Child, and the vicious Mass Production Evas hadn't been acting like the true Kaworu. Behavioral differences aside, the simplest proof was that any interaction with the real Kaworu would inevitably include some of Beethoven's music. The MP Evas were absolutely not the Beethoven type… maybe Bach, but not Beethoven. _Yeah, they're definitely not real Kaworus, so no harm done. My fight scene was still epic. Yes!_

The First Child had reached the entry plug. With a wave of her hand and a flash of orange light, she opened the plug and flew into it. Moments later, she emerged carrying a naked Kaworu, who didn't offer any resistance. In fact, he didn't move at all, looking as limp and lifeless as a ragdoll. Despite how cooperative he was being – too cooperative, in Asuka's opinion… he wasn't even blinking, which was really unnerving – the First's power faltered, causing both of them to fall towards the ground. Asuka raced forward to catch them in Unit-02's hand, but the First created a safety net out of her A.T. Field, so that the pair landed in the octagonal orange webbing without a scratch.

Asuka studied the clone's features, and shuddered. He had a wide grin on his face, but contrary to the real Kaworu's smile, there was no genuine warmth or kindness to it, and no life in his eyes either. Asuka felt as if she were gazing at a beaming corpse. It wasn't just the creepiness that made it an unpleasant sight: she didn't want to see such a dead look on the face of the boy who had reunited her with Mama. "So… there's no soul in there, right?" she asked carefully.

"I do not detect the presence of a soul in this clone," the First confirmed.

"Okay, then. Move aside, Blue," said Asuka.

The First's A.T. Field vanished from sight, as she placed the clone on the ground. Stepping away from him as instructed, she looked up at Unit-02 and asked, "What are you going to do, Soryu?"

"Squish him, of course!" said Asuka, making her Eva crouch closer to the fake Kaworu. She raised Unit-02's fist right above the clone. "We've got to stop Seele, so we should destroy as many of their resources as possible!"

Several seconds ticked by. The First looked down at the clone, then up at Unit-02, then down at the clone again, and then finally looked up at Unit-02 once more as she asked, "So… when are you going to commence this act of squishing?"

"G-give me a minute, okay?" said Asuka. Her arm began to tremble, and Unit-02 mimicked her shuddering. "I… I can't do it," she whispered to herself, shaking her head, "Why can't I do it?" _I've never hesitated like this before. This is war, this is what happens in war! It's not even a real Kaworu, anyway! So why? Why can't I?_

Oh, who was she kidding? She knew damn well knew why she couldn't do it. _Because if I squished someone with Kaworu's face… it would make Shinji sad._

"Damn it!" said Asuka, punching the wall of the entry plug, "Damn you, Shinji Ikari! How could you get into my head like this?" _How could you get into my heart like this?_ She punched the wall of the entry plug again, and then gave it a kick for good measure. "I hope you're happy, Stupid Shinji! I was trained to be a soldier, and look at me now! You've ruined me! You and your stupid cooking and saving me from a volcano and being so… so… _nice_." She stressed that last word as if it were a curse.

"Soryu?" said the First, "Am I correct in assuming that you will not be carrying out the process of squishification after all?" Her lips curved into a small smile.

"You knew I wasn't going to be able to do it, didn't you?" Asuka grumbled.

Still smiling, the First nodded.

Asuka sighed. Glancing down at the clone again, she added, "Okay, fine, we'll figure out what to do with him and the other clones later. But for now, maybe we should at least find a blanket or something to cover him up. Those Seele perverts didn't give him any clothes, and I don't want to keep seeing his…"

"Spear!" the First shouted.

Asuka rolled her eyes. "In his current state, it's a bit limp to be called a spear…"

"No, another Spear is attacking!"

Letting out a string of expletives that she knew Mama would probably scold her for later, Asuka looked up and saw that one of Mass Production Evas' weapons had indeed transformed into another Spear of Longinus replica, and it was headed straight for Unit-02. She tried dodging to the side, but the Spear followed her. There was a pulse of glowing orange octagons as the enemy weapon came up against Unit-02's A.T. Field, but she knew the barrier would not hold for long.

The First sprang into action, flying towards the weapon and grabbing onto it. But this time there was no orange lightning emanating from her, and no powerful collision either.

_Her power is losing stability again_ , Asuka realized, _This is bad. Really bad._

Still, the First did not give up, and continued tugging on the Spear. She looked like a tiny gnat trying to move a broomstick, but thankfully with better results: the deadly weapon was not moving forward. However, her efforts were not strong enough to toss it away.

"Keep pulling!" Asuka shouted.

"Keep pushing!" the First replied.

Asuka continued to press against the Spear with her Eva's A.T. Field, while the First continued tugging at it. Their combined efforts kept the Spear locked in place, but still could not fling it away from them.

"Okay, how about I try grabbing the Spear with Unit-02's hands?" said Asuka.

"That would require moving closer to the threat and losing your Eva's A.T. Field faster," the First cautioned her.

"Well, it's not like we have much of a choice," said Asuka, preparing to advance towards her target.

But the enemy apparently wanted to give her even fewer choices, as yet another Spear replica rose from the ground and then raced through the air at breakneck speed, severing Unit-02's umbilical cable.

"Oh, you have got to be kidding me!" Asuka shouted, as her Eva's Internal Battery countdown timer beeped a warning. In five minutes, Unit-02 would be completely out of power.

"I'm so sorry, Soryu," said the First, bowing her head, "I failed you…"

"Failed me? Don't be stupid! You saved my life before, didn't you?" said Asuka. _What is it with you Japanese and apologizing for everything?_ "Five minutes is still enough time for me to kick some ass! We just need to come up with a really good idea, okay?"

As it turned out, the enemy did not even want to give them five minutes, for the remaining MP Evas' weapons also transformed into Spears and took to the air.

_**Asuka, you have to eject!**_ , Mama exclaimed, _**Get out of here!**_

"No!" Asuka cried out, as all the Spears flew towards them, "I am not losing you again!" _This isn't over… I won't let it end like this!_

TO BE CONTINUED

Next chapter: The Ihsadat is discovered, but is it too late for this mysterious weapon to help anyone? Don't miss Chapter 6 of The Happy Red Planet, "A Step Forward Into Error"! There will be fan service, too!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As mentioned in the story, the inscription above the Time Gate ("Time is too slow for those who wait, too swift for those who fear, too long for those who grieve, too short for those who rejoice, but for those who love – time is eternity") was from a poem by Henry van Dyke. He also wrote the lyrics to "Joyful, Joyful We Adore Thee", a hymn which uses the same tune as Kaworu's favorite song, "Ode to Joy".
> 
> Special thanks go to my beta readers: AleeN for his fun suggestions, and Laryna6 for her valuable advice and Babyworu expertise. Many thanks also go to the incredible artists Rulani, Ivi, np, and nastypremiumbuffbabes for the amazing illustrations and comics they have drawn for this story. (Be sure to keep visiting my blog to see the all the newest artwork, plus my Evangelion book reviews! There are more than 87 books in my Evangelion collection, so there's going to be plenty of interesting stuff to discover! You can find a link to the blog in my author profile.) And of course, I'm thankful to all of you for reading this fic. Feedback would be greatly appreciated, and I hope to see you again next time!
> 
> -Literary Eagle, 2014


	6. A Step Forward Into Error

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back! As always, thanks for reading this story, and extra special thanks to those of you who have taken the time to give me feedback. You're all awesome!
> 
> Legal disclaimer (to keep my imaginary lawyer happy): I don't own Neon Genesis Evangelion. It belongs to Hideaki Anno and Khara.

After the horrors of Second Impact had changed the world forever, there were many people who were completely dedicated to preventing a Third Impact, at any cost. The soldiers of the Japanese Strategic Self Defense Force were among those people. So if they had been ordered to kill the members of Nerv, including the children who piloted the Evangelions, well, that was just the price of keeping the world safe.

However, there are certain circumstances that can cause a person to rethink their priorities, and being trapped in a cafeteria full of waffles and Eva merchandise and singing kitchen appliances would be one of those circumstances.

"You know," one of the JSSDF soldiers said to his colleagues, talking around a mouthful of waffle, "Being trapped in a cafeteria full of waffles and Eva merchandise and singing kitchen appliances has given me time to think."

"What are you talking about, Haguro?" the soldier sitting next to him asked.

Haguro took another bite of waffle before continuing, "Well, I was wondering… Is killing the Eva pilots really the best solution here?"

"Hey man, Nerv is trying to set off Third Impact and wipe out humanity! Do you want that to happen?" said a soldier who was seated across from him.

"Of course not!" said Haguro, "But the Eva pilots are just children. They're no threat when they're not inside their Evangelions. And what if Nerv is brainwashing them or blackmailing them into helping with this apocalyptic crap? Doesn't that make them victims?"

The dancing toasters and other appliances began to belt out a rendition of "Ode to Joy", as if to express their appreciation for Haguro's defense of the pilots.

"Victims?" another soldier scoffed, raising his voice slightly in order to be heard above the music. He picked up a handful of Asuka key chains. "Look at all this merchandise! Those kids must be making a ton of money!"

"No, _Nerv_ is making a ton of money," said Haguro, "Come on, you've seen the surveillance photos of the First Child's apartment. It's a dump! And they've got the Third Child doing all kinds of cooking and cleaning, like a servant. Didn't our intelligence reports reveal that he recently spent a lot of time cooking tons of German foods and then crying himself to sleep every night?"

"Um, I think that's because the Second Child was missing at the time, and he was worried about her."

Haguro frowned. "Well, that brings me to my next point… how did the Second Child go missing for so long? Why wasn't Nerv showing more concern for the welfare of these kids? That is seriously screwed up!" Holding up a box of tissues, he added, "And it's especially screwed up that Nerv exploits the children's misery by coming up with merchandise like _this_!"

The tissue box had an image of a crying Shinji printed on it, along with these words: **Shinji tissues… for when you've got issues.**

"Well, now that you mention it, this one is also pretty disturbing," said another soldier, holding up a different box. It was a package of Band-Aids rather than tissues, and it had a picture of the Fifth Child with an unusually large Band-Aid wrapped around his neck. "The label says 'Now available in decapitation size'! What the hell?"

"Don't worry, that didn't actually happen to Mommy this time!" one of the toasters said cheerfully.

"The Fifth Child is your mother?" Haguro asked the toaster, tilting his head in confusion, "Do you mean that he built you, or something?"

The JSSDF commander sighed impatiently. "Just stay on topic, Haguro. Exactly what are you trying to say here? That our mission is wrong?"

"Well, of course Nerv's plan is evil and must be stopped," said Haguro, "But I'm just not so sure anymore that shooting those kids is the answer. We need to seriously think about… ooh, this waffle has blueberries in it!" he finished, digging into the berry-filled treat with gusto.

"Cool!" said the other soldiers, grabbing their own blueberry waffles.

Some insights need a little more time to take hold.

* * *

Even though the commercial photographers were gone, Kaworu and Commander Ikari did not resume their battle. Instead, Kaworu remained seated by the lake, admiring the newly-repaired statue of Adam while drinking UCC Coffee and hoping that Shinji's father was content to do so as well. Still, he did feel that it was time to address a far more serious matter. "Why did you put Asuka into a coma?" Kaworu asked, "She's fine now, but things could have easily gone very wrong. Why would you do that to her?"

"What makes you think I did something to her?" said Commander Ikari, his expression remaining impassive as he finished his coffee and set the can down.

"She had attempted suicide," Kaworu said quietly, looking down at his own scarred wrist, "So the Nerv medical staff must have sedated Asuka, to prevent her from harming herself again. That was all that should have happened." Certainly that was how it had happened in previous lifetimes where Asuka had fallen into despair from a declining sync rate, except for Babyworu's timeline where she had been rendered catatonic from Arael's probing instead. "She should have simply been in a deep sleep, not an actual coma that required my intervention… unless someone had tampered with her condition somehow." And that wasn't the only disturbing change here. While Gendo Ikari had harnessed the power of the Adam embryo during some of their previous lives, this was the first time the contamination had spread far enough for him to display the levels of power that Kaworu had fought against today.

The Commander kept silent, and his expression was as impassive as ever.

"Please answer me! This is a very serious issue!" said Kaworu. Feeling another spike in his Angelic instincts, he quickly added, "Oh, pardon me for a moment." He took the pepper shaker out of his pocket and waved it under his nose. "Achoo!" Kaworu sneezed out a duck-billed platypus, and the odd creature immediately scampered into the lake for a refreshing swim.

Shinji's father observed the swimming animal, and then looked over at Kaworu with one eyebrow raised.

"Um… this is still a very serious issue," Kaworu said sheepishly.

The Commander finally replied, "It had not been my intention for her to become comatose. I wanted to see what kind of powers the Adam embryo had given me, so as an experiment I attempted to erase the Second Child's suicidal thoughts. But I failed, and also broke something in her mind during the process. I take it that you were able to repair the damage, then?"

Kaworu nodded, but his coffee can crumpled slightly as his fingers clenched around it. As if it wasn't bad enough that Commander Ikari had the technology to program clone bodies, placing locks in Rei's mind… now he was trying to influence the minds of others as well? Kaworu's stomach churned at the thought. At least the Commander's intentions had been good this time – unless he had simply chosen Asuka out of convenience rather than a genuine desire to help her – but it was still unacceptable. "People must change of their own free will!" said Kaworu, "Asuka already had the strength to live, buried deep down inside her. She simply needed help finding it. If you had succeeded in altering her mind by force, you would have robbed her of the opportunity to discover her own hidden strength!" Kaworu's hand tightened around the can of coffee again, causing its remaining contents to slosh in protest. "Moreover, how dare you conduct such a dangerous experiment on Asuka! She is a regular Lilin. You could have killed her!"

"A regular Lilin? Not quite. She is not the same as you or Rei, but thanks to the Adam embryo I could detect that there is still something special about her, something that I was confident would guarantee her survival. Surely you have sensed it? And stop crushing your coffee can like that… it would be a shame if the beverage spilled out and went to waste."

"I… I noticed that Asuka has an unusually high midichlorian count, even for an Eva pilot," Kaworu admitted. After swallowing the last of his coffee to prevent any spillage, he added, "However, when I told her that, she did not seem to understand." Even Kaworu was not quite sure what it meant, although he had a slight suspicion. "But my point remains the same! You are abusing powers that could cause serious harm to others, and to yourself as well. This is very, very serious!"

The platypus clambered out of the lake and trotted over to Kaworu, looking up at him with questioning eyes.

"Oh yes, Australia is that way," said Kaworu, pointing.

The duckbill wandered off in the indicated direction, and once more the Commander raised an eyebrow at Kaworu.

"Th-this is still very, very serious!" Kaworu protested, "All this plotting, all this harm done to others… Nothing is worth this!"

"Yui is worth _everything_ ," the Commander retorted.

"Worth alienating your son, and destroying his self-esteem? Worth hurting his friends?"

"I am doing this for Shinji as well! The boy needs his mother."

"The boy needs his _father_!" Kaworu exclaimed, "You are the parent who is still alive and capable of being there for him, but you will not be for much longer if you continue to let Adam contaminate your body. Please stop this madness, and just be Shinji's father again!"

"I cannot be anything without Yui!" said the Commander, the manic gleam of desperation in his eyes clearly visible despite his dark glasses, "I am only capable of causing Shinji pain, and someone who has led a life such as mine does not deserve love. Bringing someone as good and pure as Yui back into this world is my only chance for redemption. It is my only chance for making us a family again."

"You are afraid," said Kaworu, shaking his head sadly as he recalled the many lifetimes he had said something like this to Shinji's father while the world came tumbling down. Maybe this time, Kaworu would be able to get through to him before it was too late. "You fear pain and failure, and so you chase after a fantasy that cannot be attained, and could destroy humanity in the process. Stop thinking that you do not deserve Shinji's love, and do something to _earn_ that love!"

The Commander laughed, and it was not a pleasant laugh in the least. "And exactly how do you propose that I earn Shinji's love? Am I supposed to spend multiple lifetimes dying for him, in the pathetic hope that it will somehow make him happy?"

Kaworu froze, and the empty coffee can fell from his grip. How had Shinji's father known about that?

"Is something wrong, _Woruworu_?" the Commander said with a sneer.

"How… how…" said Kaworu, trailing off helplessly in shock.

"Yes… I know about the TABRIS Project," said the Commander, his piercing gaze looking like a warped version of Shinji's eyes as he stared intently at Kaworu, "You can hide nothing from me. You have failed, and you will always fail… unless you listen to me."

* * *

Asuka knew that most people would just give up and wait for death at this point.

Her Eva had less than five minutes of power remaining, the First Child's Angelic abilities were weakening again, and all of Seele's Spear of Longinus replicas were flying right towards them. Unit-02's A.T. Field wouldn't stand a chance.

Yes, most people would just give up and wait for death.

Fortunately, Asuka Langley Soryu wasn't "most people".

"Blue, I've got an idea!" Asuka called out to the First Child, who was still clinging to the closest Spear in a futile effort to stop it, "Jump!"

The First immediately made a trampoline out of her A.T. Field, using it to bounce into the air just like Kaworu had taught her to do in case her ability to fly became unstable again.

Asuka sprang into action at the same time, using Unit-02's powerful legs to leap as high as she could. Looking down, she saw all the Spears collide at the spot where she had been standing only moments before. "Yeah!" she shouted triumphantly, as the tines of the Spears became entangled. Landing a short distance away, she extended Unit-02's hand and caught the First Child.

_**Good thinking, Asuka!**_ , said Mama.

"Well done, Soryu," said the First, standing on Unit-02's palm to observe the Spears. The sharp weapons now looked like a gigantic knot of metallic pretzels, rolling around in a huge ball as their attempt at disengaging had somehow gotten them even more tangled.

"Yeah, that turned out better than I had hoped," said Asuka, moving away from Sphere of Spears, "Now let's get out of here and find another power cable for my Eva, before… whoa!"

The Spears had abruptly shattered, sending metal shards flying out in all directions… no, they had turned into a swarm consisting of thousands of miniature Spears! Making an oppressively loud droning sound like a horde of busy insects, the liberated weapons then reassembled into the nine full-sized Spears, now untangled and looking deadlier than ever.

"Damn it!" said Asuka, breaking out into a run and doing her best to keep the First Child protected in Unit-02's hands as the Spears began to pursue them. As Asuka frantically tried to form a plan in the precious remaining seconds before the Seele weapons reached them, she called out "You damn Spears had better stop right now, or you're going to regret it as soon as I come up with a brilliant idea!" Of course, she was talking to a bunch of pointy sticks rather than human soldiers, so the taunt was mainly for her own morale rather than anything else.

And yet, just like that, the Spears halted in midair.

_**Huh?**_ , said Mama.

Asuka stopped running and turned around in disbelief. Opening Unit-02's cupped hands, she stared down at the First Child.

The First Child stared back up at her.

"How did you do that?" Asuka and the First asked each other at the same time.

After levitating for a few seconds to test the stability of her power, the First carefully floated down to the ground, then gazed up at the hovering Spears as she walked beneath them. "It was not my power which stopped them, Soryu," she said, glancing at Unit-02 again, "When you spoke to the Spears, I sensed a strange emotion from them. It felt like… recognition? Whatever it was, it was enough to make them decide to obey your order."

"Emotion? Recognition?" said Asuka, raising an eyebrow, "That doesn't make any sense!" Oh well, there was an easy way to find out for sure. "Spears, roll over," she said.

The Spears rolled over like a bunch of gigantic airborne puppies.

"Spears, play dead," she said.

The Spears all dropped to the ground, and the First had to quickly fling herself out of the way to avoid being crushed by one of them.

"Oops. Um, Spears, apologize to the First Child!" Asuka commanded.

The Spears all stood upright and then bowed to the First, bending as easily as if they had been made of rubber.

"Well, it looks you're right about the Spears obeying me, but I still don't understand _why_ they're obeying me," said Asuka.

The First simply shrugged.

Asuka groaned and massaged her temples. "Why does everything in my life have to get weird? Still, I guess I should be grateful that we didn't get stabbed to death by those things."

"We have another problem, though," said the First, glancing around.

" _Now_ what? Oh… Oh crap."

The defeated MP Evas had risen, and were licking their lips hungrily as they stalked towards Unit-02. Despite the heavy damage that had been done to them, their movements were not hampered in the least.

"This must be what Kaworu meant when he said that the Mass Production Evangelions are dangerous," said the First.

Asuka let out another groan. "Couldn't that idiot have been a little more specific in his warning?" she complained, as the eight MP Evas continued to advance.

Wait a minute… only eight?

Looking to the side, Asuka realized that the ninth one was still motionless. Of course! They had removed the dummy plug from that one!

Asuka grinned with renewed determination. "Okay, here's the plan!" she said to the First, "We need to get all of the dummy plugs out of those Evas. You distract one of them, so I can pull its entry plug out. We'll keep doing that until they're all done. I have just a few minutes of power left, so we can only spend several seconds on each Eva. Think your Angel powers can still work well enough to handle that?"

"Since the Spear replicas obey your orders, would it not be simpler to command them to immobilize all the Evas in an instant?" said the First, "Surely that would make the plug extraction process much easier."

"Uh… well… that is…" said Asuka, feeling her face heat up with a record-setting blush for not figuring out such an obvious method. She cleared her throat. "Um, I mean… Sure, I guess we could do things the boring way just this once." In a louder voice, she added, "Spears! Immobilize the Mass Production Evas, but do not hurt the dummy plug clones! You hear me? The Kaworu clones must not be harmed!" _You'd better appreciate this, Stupid Shinji._

As the Spears spread out to do her bidding, Asuka grinned and leaned back in her seat. _Hmm… I could get used to this._

* * *

"Are you okay, Shinji?" said Chiefworu, as Shinji reentered the Yggdrasil's auditorium with Babyworu, Misato, and Lazarus.

Shinji nodded. "Thanks, Chiefworu. Thanks, all of you," he said, addressing the entire crowd of Kaworus there, "I know that you have… I know that _we_ have done a lot for each other through multiple lifetimes. So let's do it again, and translate that message so we can find the Ihsadat and complete the TABRIS Project together."

The Kaworus all applauded and Babyworu's kittens gave the feline equivalent of a cheer, as Shinji resumed his seat on the stage between Babyworu and Misato. Lazarus transformed into a cat-eared headset once more, which Babyworu placed upon Shinji's head.

Again, Shinji found himself being pulled into a dream filled with multiple strings of memories from past timelines… in fact, they started to transform into actual strings, knotting and weaving together into an increasingly tight web. More and more memory threads joined the mass, until at last all the gaps in the web were filled in, making a tapestry.

"Whoa," was all Shinji could say, as he saw the image that all the combined memories had formed. The tears of myriad tragic lifetimes had become a multitude of stars, and the bright smiles from happier times had woven together to create seven moons. Vivid red ribbons of love had embraced dark blue ribbons of despair, creating a purple sky that cradled the moons and stars. And below this alien sky was a sea of threads that had been dyed red from all the Kaworus who had shed their blood over and over again. In the center of this crimson sea was a tiny island, and rising from this humble mound of earth were two trees with their trunks entwined, as if the two plants were determined to support each other despite all the death and pain they had witnessed.

Before Shinji could question whether or not it was a good idea to touch it, an overwhelming compulsion raised his hand, causing his fingers to brush against the woven masterpiece. Threads and ribbons suddenly unwound themselves from the image, wrapping around Shinji's arm and pulling him forward until he fell right into the tapestry, the strings tangling around him as he plummeted. Landing upon the small island with the two trees, Shinji gulped and looked up at the purple sky with the seven moons. Now what?

A beam of light shone down from one of the moons, caressing the surface of the red sea and making it sparkle. The beam moved along until it came to rest beside Shinji's tiny island, at which point it solidified and became a slide.

Wait… a slide?

"Wheeeeeeeee!" a voice squealed, as a luminous white being with long silver hair slid rapidly down the solidified moonbeam, before landing upon the red water without causing so much as a ripple on the liquid's surface. It was an impressive feat, considering that this mysterious being was gigantic, at least as tall as an Evangelion.

From the opposite side of the island, another moonbeam descended from a different moon, this time forming a staircase. A luminous white giant with hair that was long and pale blue began to walk down, moving at a pace that seemed very regal… and also very slow. The silver-haired giant gestured impatiently, and with a long-suffering sigh the blue-haired one turned the staircase into a slide, saying "Wheeeeeeee," while descending at a faster pace. Somehow even the blue-haired being's "Wheeeeeeee" managed to sound very stately and dignified.

What was all this? Shinji looked back at the silver-haired being, trying to see the giant's face, but it was covered with a strange birdlike mask that reminded Shinji of the first Angel he had ever battled with. As his gaze traveled further down, Shinji blushed upon realizing that the giant's body also looked familiar, but not because it resembled someone he had fought… no, he had seen that shapely bosom earlier today, on the statue of Adam that Kaworu was repairing.

"Are you… _Adam_?" he said, wincing as his voice cracked while uttering the name of the sexy goddess. Stupid hormones. Wait, if this was Adam, did that mean…

Turning to look at the other giant, Shinji saw that her face was covered with a purple mask decorated with an inverted triangle and seven eyes.

"Lilith?" he said.

The mask sure seemed to indicate that she was Lilith, although her body was not bloated with LCL or covered with twitching little legs like the giant down in Terminal Dogma. Was this how she was supposed to look, when not nailed to a cross and forced to be an LCL-making machine?

Adam shrank down to around Shinji's height and strode across the red water to stand beside him on the little island. From the other side, Lilith did the same. Now that Shinji was between two strange yet alluring goddesses who were suddenly the same size as him, he began to shiver from nervousness. Well, he thought that's what it was, but then he looked down and realized he was shivering with cold, because his clothes had somehow vanished and he was just wearing several of the threads and ribbons that had pulled him into the tapestry. "Oh no, this is one of _those_ dreams!" he groaned, recalling Babyworu's talk about common themes in Lilin nightmares. Luckily, some of the ribbons had conveniently tied themselves into a strategically-placed bow that covered Shinji's crotch, but he whimpered and tried to cover himself anyway.

Lilith raised her arm. In answer to this gesture, a narrow geyser of ruby liquid ascended from the sea behind her, floating to her side as it sculpted itself into a shining red spear that matched her new height. But cracks quickly formed in the weapon, growing and spreading like a disease as the spear lost its luster and began to turn gray.

"Ihsadat?" said Adam, touching Shinji's face and gently caressing his cheek.

"Ihsadat?" said Lilith, touching the other side of Shinji's face and gently caressing it as well.

"Y-yes, I'm looking for the Ihsadat," said Shinji, doing his best to suppress his embarrassment as he remembered his important task, "I'm trying to help the Kaworus to find it! They said it's a weapon that can spread hope… we need it to defeat Seele!"

The graying spear beside Lilith crumbled to pieces, forming a pile of dust that resembled ashes. But from these ashes rose a humanoid female covered in scarlet armor from the neck down. She did not wear a helmet, allowing her long red hair to flow freely, but her face was covered with a veil that bore the same inverted triangle and seven eyes as Lilith's mask. "Ihsadat?" said the armor-clad girl, using her right index finger to poke at the tip of Shinji's nose.

"Huh? Um, I know this is just a dream, but… are you able to help me find the Ihsadat?" Shinji asked the three women. Looking again at the figure in red armor, he added softly, "And, pardon me, but who are you? Um… you remind me a little of someone I know…"

* * *

"Achoo!"

Asuka's jubilation over defeating the Mass Production Evas was interrupted by the unpleasant feeling of sneezing while immersed in LCL. Opening her eyes afterwards, she went "Ewwww, gross!" upon seeing what the contents of a sneeze looked like when suspended in the liquid. And of course, this would have to happen when her Eva was out of power, meaning that the entry plug's filtration system wouldn't be able to clean this latest mess out of the LCL. Yuck. Scrambling to get out of the entry plug, Asuka decided that if the sneeze had been because someone had been talking about her, they were going to pay dearly.

"See you later, Mama," Asuka whispered, as she exited the Eva. Now that the battle was over, she and the First Child had to figure out what to do with the rescued Kaworu clones. "You'd better appreciate all this, Stupid Shinji," said Asuka, looking up at the hole that the First Child had created for luring the MP Evas into the GeoFront. "You hear me, Stupid Shinji?" she called out to the patch of sky visible through the hole, "You'd better appreciate this!" She had no idea where Shinji had gone to with the Kaworus of the past, but somehow it seemed fitting to imagine that they were in the clouds. Because Shinji was such an airhead.

Unsurprisingly, the sky offered no reply. Letting out a sigh, Asuka headed off to meet up with the First. "Just… stay safe, Stupid Shinji," she said in a soft voice. Goodness only knew what kind of trouble Shinji could get into without Asuka there to protect his dumb ass. "Stay safe and come back soon. I miss y… um, your cooking. Yeah, I miss your cooking."

As she walked, Asuka found herself hoping that the Kaworu of their current timeline had managed to finish repairing that Adam statue without any problems. He was a powerful Angel and a friend who had saved her in more ways than one… and yet, if cluelessness were a country, then Kaworu would be its president! No wonder he and Stupid Shinji got along so well.

"I hope we bought you enough time to fix that statue of your mama, Special K," she said to a random shrub that reminded her of Kaworu's hairstyle, "This has to be the timeline where we finally get it right! It has to be!"

* * *

After spending countless lifetimes going through the cycle of making plans, suffering painful failures, and making plans anew, Kaworu was faced with the realization that failure was about to become a very real possibility once again. How could this have happened? He had gotten so close to succeeding this time! If Kaworu hadn't already been sitting on the lakeshore, he probably would have collapsed to the ground. "How did you find out about the TABRIS Project?" he asked, trembling as Shinji's father moved closer to him, "Did Yui Ikari's research lead you to the existence of the Yggdrasil, like in Chiefworu's timeline? Or have you gained so much mastery over Adam's power that you were able to access the TABRIS network?"

"Research? Adam's power? No, nothing like that," said Commander Ikari.

"Then how?" Kaworu asked.

"I looked at your Facebook," said the Commander.

Oh.

Oops.

"I forgot to set that thing to 'Friends Only', didn't I?" Kaworu groaned.

To Kaworu's surprise, the Commander began to groan as well, but then he realized that it was from physical discomfort.

"The Adam contamination is spreading again, isn't it?" said Kaworu, watching the Commander's sleeve ripple ominously, "Please, stop this madness! There's still time to save you if we act quickly to remove the embryo… I can help you! If you've seen the details of the TABRIS Project on my Facebook, then you must know about what happened with some of the other Kaworus in their respective universes. There have been timelines where you were a loving father to Shinji, and in some of those cases, you and I were even allies! Just look at Forgottenworu… he helped his Gendo Rokubungi and Yui Ikari to get together, as part of an arrangement to protect the world…"

"Yes, I have seen the details," the Commander interrupted, "And just look at the common factor in many of those happier universes: Yui was still alive! A mother's unconditional love can give Shinji the happiness that you cannot, especially in universes where you are Adam's vessel and end up causing Shinji more pain and misery than he has ever felt before! Your intentions are good, but you cannot coexist with us. There is no place for you in this world, and no way for you to make Shinji happy."

Kaworu shook his head vehemently. "We've found a way to make it work! The Mars mission…"

"Fanciful nonsense! Do you think the people of Earth would be willing to build an expensive spacecraft to help you, an Angel? No, they would never agree to it. Whenever you are born as Adam's vessel, you _must_ die for Shinji to be safe… that is unavoidable. But where you have always gone wrong in that situation is that you have not found a way to make your death the key to Shinji's happiness."

"The key to… Wh-what are you saying?"

By this point, the Commander had moved in closely enough that he was able to speak in a low voice right into Kaworu's ear, "Die for Shinji once more… but this time, when your soul returns to the Adam embryo, give me full access to her power. Allow me to have complete control of Instrumentality, so Shinji and I will be reunited with Yui at last."

Kaworu's eyes widened. He tried to move away, but the Commander placed his left hand against Kaworu's chest and gave a firm shove, pinning him to the ground. With a startled gasp, Kaworu tried to break free and simultaneously warn the other Kaworus through his mental link to the TABRIS network, but his limbs merely gave a weak twitch and then went numb, and the TABRIS network's only response was an instrumental version of the song "What's New Pussycat?" It must have been Babyworu's turn to choose the Yggdrasil's hold music. _Of course… the other Kaworus are diverting all resources to finding the Ihsadat, so nobody will be able to answer my call right now._

This was a bad situation.

A really bad situation.

Kaworu didn't want "What's New Pussycat?" to be the last song he heard before dying. It had to be "Ode to Joy", damn it! That was the tradition!

…Oh yeah, and not dying at all would be the preferable option here.

"Please don't do this!" Kaworu said to Shinji's father, "It won't bring happiness to anyone, not even you!"

Instead of responding, the Commander used his other hand to empty Kaworu's pockets. He tossed Kaworu's cell phone into the lake, and after a moment of deliberation he threw the other confiscated objects into the water as well, including the kazoo and the pepper shaker.

"Hey, I needed that pepper shaker!" Kaworu exclaimed.

"I know. That is exactly why I threw it away!" said the Commander, rolling his eyes.

Kaworu's heart thudded in full-blown terror at the loss of the pepper shaker, the precious item that had been keeping his Angelic instincts in check. He tried to escape again, but all his body could manage was a slight shivering.

"There is no reason to be afraid," said the Commander with a small smile.

"Really? I'm fairly certain that most people would regard this situation as having plenty of reasons to be afraid!" said Kaworu.

The Commander shrugged. "Well, in that case, here is one more." Keeping Kaworu pinned with his left hand, he used his right hand to cup the side of Kaworu's face.

His right hand… the one with the Adam embryo.

Kaworu cried out in horror as he felt the overpowering desire, the _need_ , to merge with the entity he felt there. His pained wail died down into a whimper of longing, and Kaworu suddenly found that he was able to move again. But fleeing was the last thing on his mind, as he turned his head to nuzzle the hand touching his face, utterly hating himself as he did so. However, that self-hatred was rapidly melting away under a heavy sense of warmth… a sense of return. It was as if a beautiful golden chain had wrapped itself around his heart and soul, sweetly calling him back to where he belonged. Despite his regained mobility, he was even more of a prisoner than he had been before, and only the Commander's glove was preventing a Third Impact from happening right then and there.

"You see? Every child needs his mother, and you are no exception," the Commander said triumphantly, "But I cannot let you have her just like this, of course. It would set off an Angelic Impact that would completely annihilate the Lilin, and neither of us wants that. You have to die first, if you wish to reunite with Adam safely. With your death, Human Instrumentality will be achievable, and you can help me to make Shinji happy. Also, unlike what transpired in Forgottenworu's universe, I promise that your deeds shall be remembered. I will tell Shinji that you made it possible for him to be with his mother again. He will be so overjoyed and so grateful, and he will never forget you. Doesn't that sound wonderful?"

Kaworu blinked slowly, struggling to concentrate. He somehow had a feeling that such a plan wasn't wonderful at all, but that didn't make any sense, because Shinji's father seemed so nice! And Kaworu's very soul was aching to return to Adam, so if he could turn that into a way to make Shinji happy, then wasn't this the best possible solution? Yes, he was probably worrying for nothing. The Commander's soothing words circled around Kaworu's thoughts, like the bars of a cage. But that was okay, because the cage was so pretty. Why had Kaworu been against Instrumentality for so many lifetimes, if it could bring about so much happiness? How foolish of him. Clearly, Kaworu's mind deserved to be inside this cage, at least until he could die to help with the Commander's scenario.

"Doesn't that sound wonderful?" Shinji's father repeated, and Kaworu found himself nodding.

"But wait… it won't work," Kaworu said, suddenly crestfallen.

The Commander did not seem particularly alarmed by this. "Oh?" he said calmly, "Why won't it work? Tell me."

"It won't work without Rei, because…"

"Ah yes, we require the forbidden fusion of Adam and Lilith," said the Commander, "Rei will not be a problem, though. She trusts you. Once she understands that you are cooperating with this plan for Shinji's sake, she will help us as well. Do you have the ability to contact her telepathically?"

Kaworu could feel Rei's power flickering on and off, indicating that her abilities were still unsteady, but he could certainly try to contact her. He nodded, but then something tickled in the back of his mind. What was this feeling? It seemed familiar, and yet he didn't recognize it. However, thoughts of Shinji and the rest of the Lilin would not allow him to let go of this strange sensation. What was it trying to tell him? "We will make Shinji happy… together?" he said, trying to follow the train of thought out loud.

"Yes, of course," said the Commander, "I'm sure your participation will convince Rei to join us."

"Working together," Kaworu murmured to himself.

Together… not just one person.

Many people.

Many people making Shinji happy.

The tickle in the back of his mind turned into a great flapping, like an immense pair of wings, and with a concentrated effort Kaworu's mind broke free of the cage that had been placed around it.

"Let us begin," said the Commander, "Summon Rei for me."

"No."

"What?"

"NO!" Kaworu exclaimed. His A.T. Field burst forth and shoved the Commander away, severing the connection that Kaworu now realized had been manipulating his thoughts and emotions. So that was the kind of trick the Commander had learned from attempting mind control on Asuka… and thanks to the Angelic instincts that compelled Kaworu to reunite with Adam, he had almost succumbed completely. Such a ruthless violation made Kaworu feel ill, as if someone had left their fingerprints on the inside of his skull, but it also made his heart ache with pity. Shinji's father must be truly desperate to sink so low. It was a painful reminder of why, in countless lifetimes, Kaworu had been no match for the likes of Seele and Gendo Ikari. There were certain lines that the Angel of Free Will would never cross, and such a level of wrongdoing was so foreign to his thinking that it was exceedingly difficult for him to predict the actions of those among the Lilin who lacked such boundaries. And it had nearly been his undoing yet again.

"This needs to stop!" Kaworu pleaded, "Instrumentality would destroy people's individual identities. Rather than making Shinji happy, it would erase him! And it would also erase you!"

The Commander scowled. "Shinji and I would be changed, yes. But if Yui will be there, it will be a change for the better!" He tried to close the distance between them, but Kaworu used his A.T. Field to swat him away again, knocking him to the ground.

"Stop deluding yourself! Yes, the bond you had with Yui Ikari was special. And yes, trying to form bonds with Shinji and the other people in your life can seem daunting, especially when your wife is no longer by your side. But merging all souls into one is not a solution. It's just running away!" said Kaworu, standing up. "I will not help you with such a plan. I already made an agreement with Rei and Asuka that I would not throw my life away this time."

"You don't understand anything," the Commander retorted, also standing up.

"I do understand! Yes, Shinji's mother was alive in a number of the happier universes, but you are wrong in thinking that was the sole common factor. The TABRIS Project had a hand in helping Shinji to find joy in those lifetimes as well, and I am proud of that achievement… but that was not the only contributing factor, either. No, I've learned that the truly most important feature all the happier universes had in common was that Shinji was able to form strong, positive bonds with the people around him! _People_. Not just Yui Ikari or just Kaworu Nagisa, but also Rei, Asuka, Major Katsuragi, his friends from school, and everyone else! And… hopefully you as well." Kaworu held his hand out to the Commander. "The Yui Ikari of this world does not want to stay on Earth. I'm sorry. But there is still hope for you and Shinji to be a family again. Please, let me save you before it is too late. Shinji is my dearest friend, and I love him… and it is because of you that Shinji exists, so I truly wish to save you! We'll work with Shinji's friends so we can all find happiness together!"

The Commander's reaction to this speech was to sigh and look at his watch. "What a shame. Out of respect for the alliance we had in some of those happier universes, I was hoping to have you cooperate with me. Still, I had a feeling you would refuse, so this conversation was mostly just a stalling technique so the drug I slipped into your drink would have time to take effect. Which should be right about… now."

"Oh. Well played," Kaworu managed to say, before he swayed dizzily and passed out.

* * *

Much to the surprise of Haguro and the other JSSDF soldiers, all the appliances in the cafeteria began to dance and sing much faster than before, belting out lyrics at a frantic pace:

_We hope you've enjoyed our show_  
_We really had a blast_  
_But now Mommy is in trouble_  
_So this song will be our la-_

The final line went unfinished, as the devices abruptly became silent and still. Without their music, the room felt oppressively quiet.

Also, the appliances that were still plugged in were now flashing "12:00" repeatedly on their time displays, which was pretty annoying.

The soldiers sat there awkwardly for several moments, until one of them finally dared to push the nearest waffle iron. It fell off the counter and broke open with a loud clatter as it hit the floor, but after that it did not move or make a sound. Golden batter started to trickle out of the toppled device, indicating that the waffle inside hadn't been fully formed yet.

"Aw, that was going to be my waffle," the JSSDF commander whined. Noticing that his subordinates were all staring at him, he quickly added, "Um, I mean… Well, that seems to be over. We can probably escape now!"

"Yeah, but… it sounds like something bad happened," said Haguro.

* * *

"Ihsadat," said Adam, Lilith, and the scarlet warrior. They gently pushed Shinji back towards the entwined trees, which had somehow become a throne.

"Oh, um, thanks," said Shinji, blushing as he sat on the ornate chair, "I appreciate your hospitality."

The two goddesses and the armored maiden each raised their hands toward the sky. In answer to this gesture, the seven moons and some of the stars began to descend from the heavens, shrinking as they did so. By the time they were floating at Shinji's eye level, the moons had become a septet of gleaming pearls, and the stars formed a crown of shining silver that joined the pearls together. Adam, Lilith, and the warrior girl placed their hands upon this celestial circlet, and as one they walked towards Shinji and placed the crown upon his head.

Before Shinji could question this latest act of ridiculously generous hospitality, the entire scene began to literally unravel before his eyes, as the whole tapestry fell apart. With a cry of terror, Shinji began to plunge into a dark void, with nothing but loosening threads and ribbons falling all around him.

"Oh no, this is one of _those_ dreams!" he shouted, desperately grabbing at some of the strings and trying to pull them back together. But the strings melted and trickled through Shinji's fingers like water, as he continued to fall down and down and down…

Soon there was only one thread left, a bright red one. Reaching out and gripping this string as tightly as he could, Shinji let out a grateful sigh when it did not dissolve like the others. As he clung to it like a drowning person clutching a lifeline, he could feel someone pulling the thread upwards, causing him to glance in that direction to see who his savior was. Shinji's eyes widened in surprise and delight upon seeing no less than three rescuers on the other end of the string: Adam, Lilith, and the girl in red armor…

"Shinji?" said a woman's voice, sounding rather worried as it rose in volume, "Come on, Shinji, wake up!"

"M-Misato?" said Shinji, blinking groggily as he turned towards her. Once again, he was in the auditorium of TABRIS Project headquarters, and the Lazarus headset was clutched in Misato's hand. Shinji blinked another time, and suddenly the headset was back to being a kitten. Lazarus scampered onto Shinji's lap and licked his fingers, purring.

"He's awake!" said Babyworu, scrambling off the flower couch and bowing before Shinji. Not the usual Japanese-style polite bow from the waist, but actually kneeling and touching his forehead to the floor. The other Kaworus followed suit, looking like a rippling ocean of gray and silver as they all dropped to the floor as well.

"Um… hi?" said Shinji, gazing at all the Kaworus in helpless confusion before looking back at Misato for an explanation.

Wordlessly, his commanding officer pointed up towards the ceiling. Shinji's eyes followed the direction, and saw that the silver light spelling out the message from the Secret Dead Sea Scrolls had been successfully translated into Japanese. The words said:

_The Ihsadat is the True Heir to the throne of the First Race of the First World_

_The Heir is not chosen by the blood in his veins, but by the goodness in his heart_

_A heart that suffers and knows pain, and thus knows the importance of kindness_

_A heart that will bond with three other hearts:_

_She who embodies the hope that people will one day be able to understand each other_

_And he who represents the words "I love you"_

_And she who was broken but rose from the ashes_

_By working together, they can lead the way for humanity's future_

_For in this great and fearsome universe where even the almighty First World was not eternal…_

_The one thing that allows all humans to endure is hope_

_The ability to unite people and spread hope is the Ihsadat's power_

_That is the greatest weapon of all_

_And the Ihsadat is…_

At this point the words stopped, and the only thing left was a shimmery silver rectangle. This peculiar object floated down towards Shinji, reminding him of the descending crown he had seen inside the dream tapestry. The silver item came to a halt right in front of Shinji's face. He peered into it, and saw an image of himself staring back at him.

"Incredible," said Shinji, his eyes widening in realization, "The Ihsadat is a mirror!"

At this, all the Kaworus finally raised their heads. They looked at each other in disbelief, then stared at Shinji, and then looked at each other again.

Chiefworu cleared his throat. "Um, Shinji?" he said, "That's not a mirror. That's a picture of you that we found hidden inside the message. Think of it as the First Ancestral Race's version of the Magic Eye illusions that Lilin enjoy."

"A picture of me?" said Shinji, feeling dizzy as the implications began to sink in.

Chiefworu nodded. "Yes, Shinji. You are the True Heir to the royal throne of the First Ancestral Race. The ray of hope we needed to defeat Seele was you all along!"

" _Meep_ ," was the only thing Shinji could say in response.

Once again, Shinji Ikari's life was about to get more complicated.

"Hey, wait a second! If Shinji is the Ihsadat, then why does Kaworu… um, Woruworu… need to repair that Adam statue?" Misato asked, "What does a statue have to do with all this?"

"Hmm," said Chiefworu, closing his eyes in contemplation, "It probably means that Shinji has the power to unlock-"

"Oh no!" Rangerworu interrupted, looking at a computer screen, "I have bad news about Woruworu!" Which would have sounded a lot more urgent if Woruworu didn't have such a goofy nickname, but nobody was going to admit that out loud. "His Facebook status has been changed to 'Captured by Shinji's father'!"

Shinji Ikari's life was about to get _a lot_ more complicated.

TO BE CONTINUED

Next chapter: It's a race against time, as Shinji and friends scramble to save Kaworu before it's too late! Don't miss Chapter 7 of The Happy Red Planet, "The Angels that Sang 'Love' at the Heart of the World"! There will be fan service, too!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shinji's name is written in katakana instead of kanji, making it difficult to determine what his name is supposed to mean. However, he was named after Shinji Higuchi (one of the founders of Gainax), and that particular Shinji's name is written with the kanji for "True Heir". Incidentally, that kanji can also be read as a different name, "Tadashi". And what do you get when you spell "Tadashi" backwards? _Ihsadat_. And now you know how I came up with that word. Heh.
> 
> Special thanks go to my beta readers AleeN and Laryna6 for all of their help, and also the fantastic artists Rulani, Ivi, np, and nastypremiumbuffbabes for the illustrations and comics they have drawn for this story.
> 
> Speaking of the illustrations and comics, remember to keep visiting my blog to see all the newest artwork, plus my Evangelion book reviews! My Evangelion collection has grown to over 95 books (This is not including Eva manga series that are already available in English, because I won't be reviewing those. I don't even want to think about how big the actual total would be if I included all those manga volumes, heh.), so there's going to be plenty of interesting stuff to see! You can find a link to the blog in my author profile. Anyway, thanks for reading this fan fic, everyone! Feedback would be greatly appreciated, and I hope to see you again next time!
> 
> -Literary Eagle, 2015


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